Post # 1
Cousin close in age really should have been asked to be a BM when I was first choosing Bridal party months ago. We are very close, she has been with me through a lot and I feel like I am making a mistake and will regret not having her.
The reason I didn’t ask at first is because we haven’t been as close recently (only b/c of busy lives and long distance) so I thought she might say no. Also, I was afraid of hurting other cousins feelings (her sisters) as I will not ask either of them.
Now I am really regretting not asking and want her to be a BM. But I don’t know if it’s too late in the game and if she would be offend as she knows I have already asked everyone. If I do ask her, I don’t know exactly how to explain it. Part of me thinks I should just not rock the boat and ask her to do a reading, but I know I will regret not asking her to be a BM.
Post # 3
I’d ask her. And I’d say all of the things you just said in the post when I did ask her. She’ll appreciate the honesty and would most likely feel honored to be asked. I asked a childhood friend 3 weeks ago, only when my original BM couldn’t do it. She wasn’t offended and was totally excited.
Post # 4
I’d ask her. I’d be really honest and say you didn’t ask her at first because you didn’t want to hurt other cousins’ feelings, but now as things have started to progress you realize that this is important to you and you would really lover for her to be there with you as a Bridesmaid. The worst she can do is say no, right? In which case you are right back where you were before, minus the guilt over not asking her.
good luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 5
i would ask. my friend recently waited awhile to ask me because she assumed that i knew i was going to in her wedding. of course i didn’t, and i was kind of sad that i wasn’t because it had been a long time and i figured she already picked everyone. well finally she called and asked me and told me her story and i didn’t care, i was just happy that she wanted me in her wedding!
Post # 6
I would definitely ask – it’s not like you’re using her to replace someone else or doing this for some other flaky reason. Just tell her the truth, and I think she’ll be honored you asked.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies! What about the other cousins though? Should I feel bad about not asking them?
Post # 8
No way! You’re close to her only. If they know that you have a good relationship with this cousin, they should understand why you chose her and not them. My sister had my cousin (1 of 3 sisters) as her MOH, and that cousin had my sister in her wedding as a BM. No one batted an eye because they hang out a lot and everyone knows they are good friends.
Post # 9
Maybe you could have your other cousins do a reading or have another job?
But if you and your cousin are much closer I can’t imagine her sisters would be that offended.
Post # 10
I would ask. I asked one bridesmaid late because I was trying to keep the wedding party small and I was having her daughter as a flowergirl. It just didn’t feel right and that is exactly what I told her. I explained my reasons for not asking at the beginning and how I really didn’t feel right not having her up there with me and she totally understood and accepted. Just tell her what you told us.
Post # 11
I agree with the PPs that you should ask her and just be honest and say what you said in your post about why you didn’t ask her in the first place. Don’t worry about the other cousins. If you’re not as close I don’t think they would expect to be asked anyway.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t ask her. If you didn’t ask her from the beginning, it looks like an afterthought. My cousin did this to my sister and it placed her in a difficult situation.