Weddingbee boards

So let me start by saying there are only 16 people in my family able to make the flight from PA to Colorado for our wedding. Or i should say there WERE only 16. Now it's looking like 14. My sister and matron of honor just TEXTED me that she might have to drop out because of health issues with her and her new baby. She has been an okay MOH so far, except for the fact she never picks up her phone (never has from the start, not just cause of recent health issues). She has never offered support, encouragement, help with DIY projects, shared excitement etc. She just shows up to things (just the bachelorette party and my shower) and spends money on them. I'd rather her return my calls once in a while than spend $350 on my shower cake.

Now its looking like she might not be able to come. I already have a brother who made it to my other two sisters weddings but probably wont be able to make it to mine, so I'm shooting one for three sibllings showing up.

Then there's the situation with the FI having SO much family and friends there compared to mine. Am I wrong to feel like I just don't really want to dress up and walk down the aisle and spent 15k of my family's money which I could use for something eles on 14 people I know, about 10 people I've met no more than five times and more than 30 people I would say I've met once or never? Id really almost rather it be just me and Panda. I'd be much happier if he could have kept his guest list down somehow to be at like 20-25 or even 30 people too, but I understand he doesn't want to not include anyone, and we've been through this and decided they could come.

At this point, if the MOH can't come, I seriously think I'm done. Maybe I'm being irrational, maybe not. Outside opinions will have to tell me. Does anyone know if you cancel your venue, if you lose more than just the deposit? How about other deposits? I know the BM dresses will be a lost cause (mine I can still use), but if I can even get half the money back we were going to spend on this wedding my FI and I can use it to fly to to jamaica and elope.

So right now, the biggest issue would be with the people who have already spent money on plane tickets, and the hotels we booked for our Western roadtrip honeymoon. Other than that all the deposits we've made only add up to 5k and that was with 1,200 of it being for the dress and close to 2k for the photographer that like you said we might still be able to salvage.

I'm not sure if I don't think I'll enjoy the wedding anymore without my sister and brother + all the people I don't know, or if I'm just so stressed out from planning I feel very rash. It's really hard to tell. I would definitely have to sleep on this. All your opinions do help though.

Honey, just hang in there. I had four people in my family make it. My aunt, uncle and cousin (who is like a sister to me and was my moh) didn't make it because my aunt was in a hospital starting to die. My sister called me twenty minutes before the ceremony and told me she "felt too crappy" to come. My brother left me a really lame message a few days before the wedding, saying he "just couldn't make it happen". My mom paid for the entire wedding and hardly anyone from our family was there. I wanted to call the whole thing off and elope... but in the end, I'm glad I didn't. It was still a very special day and I was able to bond with the people who were there. I can relate, and the only advice I can give is to take a few deep breathes and continue with your original plans. Eloping may cause more drama then it's worth at this point.

Thanks again everyone. I think I'm going to take Lori's and others' advice to step away from planning for a while. It's hard because there is still a lot to be done and the date is getting closer and closer.

I'm also pretty disappointed that, selfish as it sounds, that I can't talk to anyone about the wedding. This whole baby drama started about two weeks ago and now my sister is having health issues that just started, so basically I've had to put wedding plans and wedding talk on hold because every time I bring up some wedding issue, everyone in my family is like "how can you be concerned about that when former MOH is having such and such issue."

I know my problems aren't to be compared to hers, but I still do have a wedding to plan and I really need A LITTLE help and support from the family too :( 

I think an elopement can be a wonderful choice if that is the kind of wedding the couple wants.  But you might be out a significant amount in deposits, and your FI's family might be very upset.  Is there anyone on his side you can talk about the wedding to?  Any of your friends love weddings and want to discuss the small details with you?  We're always here for you, and will try to help in any way we can.  Good luck!

bellenga, I really really wanted an intimate wedding, especially knowing from the start that not a whole lot my family was going to make it to Colorado. FI would like one too, but even when he tried to cut his aunts and uncles his mom was really upset and stepped in and offered to pay for a couple small things to help us out with cost so they could still have their whole family there.

I just talked to my dad. My sister is in the ER again with some kind of infection. He said I shouldn't count on her coming. FI just says "these things happen," but he has seven siblings, and I don't think he realizes the full gravity of what a big deal this is to me. I've been crying on and off all day. What kind of wedding will it be without my only full sister?

ETP: focus on what's important about this wedding, which is you and fi celebrating your relationship. i know it's upsetting that your sister can't be there (and i'm sorry she's in the er----i hope she is ok). obviously, i'm sure you care about her.  this wedding though is about you and your fi. life happens.......you and your fi shouldn't expect to change dates around because of unexpected things that happen to others. focus on your guests who will be there, even if a majority of them will be from your fi's side. remember, they are your family too. they're not going to be there just for him----they'll be there to celebrate both of you! the only ones who are going to be losing out are those that choose not to come. so be it.

if you still decide to elope, that's ok too. just don't do it because you don't think anyone wants to celebrate with you. even if it's only 10 people who will be there, that's enough of a celebration. it's quality, not quantity, that matters.:-)

nank, did I say I wasn't upset about my sister? Did I say I blamed HER for anything that was happening? I'd been crying all day over a lot of things. Her baby almost died in the ICU just a short week ago and we were all worried sick over that for the five extra days he was in the hospital. They were finally both released and now my sister was sent back to the ER because it appears they either didn't remove or forgot to remove the whole placenta. I'm worried about her, but happy her baby made it and is alive.

This is also her fourth or fifth time in the ER this year... I can only cry so much. I never stop praying for her, and excuse me if I don't like to think of any worst-case scenario situations. The fact that she wont be at my wedding because her baby can't fly is a fact, I can mourn that, I'm not about to mourn something else that hasn't happened yet. I can't even fathom the thought, and I don't appreciate the insinuation that I don't care.

I just wanted to chime in again here and tell you panda, I know how you feel. We put so much time, effort and energy into planning our weddings, and we hope that they will turn out perfectly. Sometimes they don't. Mine didn't. Yours may not as well. My wedding was NOT the best day of my life... that's OK, it was still a very special day. The most important part is that I married my best friend. Just try to accept that some things are out of your control. Half my family couldn't make it because my aunt was so sick... she died a few days ago. Shitty situations arise and there is nothing we can do about them. Please, just try to be grateful that your beloved sister and neice and Ok. Try to focus on the positives and be grateful for the people in your life that love you. I'm sure your sister feels bad that she's missing your wedding as well. Hang in there, you're not being selfish, you're being human.

Just to give an update, I drove over 100 miles to spend several hours in the hospital today with my sister and drove her home. She is discharged and hopefully her little family will go without further incident. No thanks to those of you who suspected I didn't care.

Unfortunately, it's become more and more clear that her chances of making it to the wedding are slim to none. My fiance is not open to any suggestion of changing plans in the least. That being said, I guess there is only so much you all can say to make me feel better, but thank you all for trying.

it's a good thing that your sister and her baby are better. it's sad that she can't be there, but there are others who are going to be there, including the two most important guests------you and FH. try to focus on all the good stuff. think how happy you're going to be and how happy your FH is going to be. think of the happiness of all those people (#'s don't count) who are going to be there. it will only be a joyous occassion if you think it will be. there's that saying, "whether you think you can or you think you can't----either way you're right." so think positively---no matter how hard it is. you'll see, things will get better!:-)

i just want to add ETP, don't worry about what anyone thinks of you. unfortunately, since it's a message board, things don't come out as they do in person, and i think people forget that. really, unless you said directly, "my sister and her baby are in the hospital and i just don't care about them," i don't think it's fair to assume that you don't. you know what they say when you assume-----you make an A$$ out of U and ME. i think people forget what it's like sometimes when you're fretting about lots of things and want an outlet to vent. i know you're under a lot of pressure about your wedding and really stressed out about your sister's situation. so, really, don't worry about people thinking you don't care. i know you do. and you know you do. that's what's important.