Post # 1
I had planned to have my bridesmaids, groomsmen and MOB help set up for the ceremony and reception. We can’t set up until the day of so we have to do everything that morning and the only way we will get it done is if we have more than a few people. Then I was also going to ask them to help clean up (taking down decorations and loading stuff into a van). I would do this myself but I will have exited already so the only way I can do Is it too sneak back into the venue and I just find it kind of awkward. Is it too much to ask for their help or should I be trying to do it myself? One of my bridesmaids thinks the only requirement should be pictures and getting their hair done (which I’m paying for). Not that I’m “requiring” anyone to do anything but I can see how anything I ask for can seem like a requirement. Am I being unreasonable to ask for help setting up and cleaning up?
Post # 3
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I think that they should be happy to do it too, because who wants to clean up their own wedding?! I would def do it for my friends so that they can enjoy their special day without having to have added stress. I think that being a bridesmaid you are agreeing to be there for your friend and be able to help them out when they need it.
Post # 4
It’s very touchy— you may of course ask for any favor under the sun, as long as you do it in such a way that the person you are asking truly feels free to decline if they choose. However, you’re right, when you’re the bride, anything you ask for can easily be seen as a requirement.
Personally I’d find another way— is there a vendor you can pay to do this for you? Especially the setup. That can be sweaty, dusty work, and your bridal party is going to want to look just as nice and crisp and fresh as you do when it’s time to start the ceremony.
Post # 5
I dont think its unreasonable…. My one friend did that for her wedding last year… And as a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Groomsmen its apart of what you agree to do
Post # 6
@spano41: I don’t think it’s unreasonable to help set up. In fact, I have folks coming in 3 days early to help me. These people love you and want to help. (if they don’t, they shouldn’t be in your party…just sayin’) However, I would probably ask/pay some of your younger family members (aka college aged cousins) to help breakdown the event. Nobody wants to break down an event. Ever. Not even ME for my own event.
Post # 7
Thanks for the input ladies! I’m feeling a little bit better about having to ask for help after talking to another one of my bridesmaids who has been in a wedding before. She said she has been asked to help setup before and expected to help with wedding day details. At least I have one bridesmaid on board! I should have clairfied that the setup doesn’t really involve TOO much manual labor. The caterer will setup all of the tables and what not. The bulk of what we have to do is assemble lanterns and hang them from fishing line as well as do small things like put the guest book out, scatter flower petals, put the favors, menu cards, table numbers and programs out etc. All of the little details. I know you can hire an event planner to do all of this but they said it would be around $1000 for the day which didn’t even include hanging the lanterns and is definitely out of our budget. Clean up is basically the opposite, we dont’ have to break down tables or antyhing. It’s basically taking down the decorations and puting everything that’s not the caterers in a van. I guess it’s not ideal to ask people for help but I don’t see another option at this point. I’ll just make sure and mention how much I appriciate the extra help in my thank you notes to them!
Post # 8
As a pp said, it’s not wrong to ask as long as you make them comfortable to say no.
Personally, I would ask family members and friends who are not needing to get their hair and makeup done before the wedding.
Make sure you have everything clearly labelled and a list of exactly what needs to be done. Also provide the same for the cleanup.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’m paying a former work colleague $15 an hour to take care of these sort of details for me. Like WillyNilly mentioned, college aged-cousins would be thrilled to make easy money like this.
Post # 10
I agree with PP, you can ask, but make sure they feel free to decline. I don’t see any problem with setting up (small) decorations and the like (IMO this is part of what you sign up for as a BM), but I don’t think you should ask the BMs to do any heavy lifting or hard labor. That’s not their job, and it would be very unpleasant while dressed up. As far as breaking things down, I wouldn’t want to make them do that (mainly b/c I would hate to have to do it). I think rebwana‘s suggestion was the best idea by far.
Post # 11
Those are some good ideas! We are a little older so we don’t know anyone in college anymore….I really can’t think of anyone I could hire. The only people who could use money are in my wedding party…maybe I could offer to pay them 🙂 (just kidding, that would be bad right?!) Family is also in short supply, the only family who is not in the wedding party are my 80+ year old grandparents. We don’t live in the city we’re getting married in so ALL of our friends are traveling to get to the wedding and I would feel really bad asking them to come help out after driving/flying in. My mom does have some friends who live in the city who would probably be willing to help….maybe I’ll ask them! I think that everyone will end up helping clean up…..I’ve rented a party bus for the wedding party which won’t get there until a half an hour after the wedding ends. I know our parents will be loading stuff in the van so the wedding party can stand around watching them or they can pitch in, I’m sure they will choose to help even if I don’t ask them to.
Post # 12
As long as you have set up covered don’t worry about clean up. Everyone pitched in at our wedding. They saw my family start tearing down and my mom said it was done in no time because everyone wanted to help.
Post # 13
@WillyNilly: That’s a good idea!
Post # 14
I may be in the minority, but yes, I believe you are asking too much. You are asking people to work for you. Yes, they love you and are helping you, but you’re still asking them to work, both prior to and after attending a party at which they are celebrating you. Like a PP suggested, how about hiring a few local teenagers for a few hours to give you a hand? It wouldn’t be free labor, but then you wouldn’t have to impose so much on your bridal party.
Post # 15
Just make sure that your wedding party is enough to help clean up. I recently went to a wedding where the guests that stayed afterwards had to clean up. We weren’t told until after the last song ended. About 40 of us remained. We had to move chairs and tables to another area, fold linens that the catering company provided, clean up garbage, etc. Mind you there were over 300 guests for the reception. Though we were happy to help the bride and groom, clean up took close to two hours. Everyone was drenched in sweat in our nice clothes and one thing that ticked me off was one of the workers from the catering company came around and criticized all the people who were folding the seat covers. Apparently we were folding them incorrectly, yet no one bothered to teach us how to fold them. We were doing THEM a favor.
Even if you think your wedding party has enough people to clean up, ask some friends if they can help too. The more help, the better. And remind them to bring backup clothes to not ruin their outfits.
Post # 16
I think you should try to find someone else to help set up, or get a big party of people involved so that everyone is only doing one small task. Personally, if I was asked to “help set up” and you told me that it would just be 3-4 people (not sure how many BMs you have, maybe you have 10, I don’t know) doing all of that stuff… honestly, that’s a lot. I work in events, and stringing lanterns and setting up all the decor does take time.More time than I would want to spend before THEN getting my hair and makeup done, and THEN going through the whole day of your wedding. YOU shouldn’t even be having to do that stuff, it’s just too much for the day of your wedding to have to worry about.
And NO ONE, not even your family, wants to clean up after your wedding. I don’t care how much they love you. Especially your mom and bridesmaids- it’s a long day for them too, and it’s not being very appreciative of them to ask them to clean up decorations at the end of the event. Doesn’t your caterer do that? Can they set aside your decor for you? Or can you call it a loss- ie, do you NEED to save the lanterns, etc? It’s not too much to ask to gather extra favors, guest book, gifts, etc… but I’m envisioning having to get up on a ladder and haul down lanterns at the end of a LONG day/party and, um, no, I would not want to do that. Maybe you can hire someone off Craigslist to do that?Or just suck it up and hire the DOC- I bet it would be the best $1000 you ever spent to be able to enjoy your wedding day that much more.