Is it too soon to be thinking about a serious future together?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it too soon to bring this up?
    No it's not too soon. 1.5 years is enough time together to have this discussion. : (40 votes)
    43 %
    Yes it's too soon, wait until you've been together 2 years : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Yes it's too soon, wait until he has a steady job and more stability (even if it takes a long time) : (44 votes)
    47 %
    Other? Explain in your post please! : (6 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 2
    4878 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I quit reading at the part about him having trouble keeping his anger in check.  Can you give us some info on his behaviors?

    Post # 3
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee

    sassy411:  Agreed.

    OP, I have some thoughts on this but that part made me pause. What do you mean by keeping his anger in check?

    Also, what’s your school/job situation right now? Are you both in school, both working…?

    Post # 4
    332 posts
    Helper bee

    You’re not too young to talk about getting married… That’s not the problem. There are many other issues at play here that show why you guys shouldn’t be considering marriage right now. If he’s a a unstable in his own personal life as you make him out to be at the age of 24, I wouldn’t hold my breath that he is going to change any time soon. 

    Post # 5
    42135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Rather than having that conversation with him, I would have it with yourself.

    Ask yourself why you are wanting to commit to someone who is nowhere near ready to settle down in practical terms (money, stability, job, savings) is unemployed, has no savings, has trouble keeping his anger in check,etc?

    What do you think is going to change so drastically that in a year and a half he will have all those issues resolved?

    Post # 7
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I think you should talk to him about getting a job before you discuss your future. Also, at 24 he’s old enough to start getting it together. I’m from the north too. It’s not an excuse for immaturity.

    Post # 8
    1891 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Eh… I don’t think that you should want to rush into a marriage with someone who has anger issues, no job, no savings, etc. There are way too many “what ifs”. He also should be focused on finding work. I am assuming someone is supporting him right now? Under normal circumstances (job, savings, no anger issues) 1.5 years is not too short to discuss marriage. Right now is not the time for that with all of these issues… Once he has stability in his life, you can revisit this question. 

    Post # 9
    4878 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Says things he doesn’t mean?  Examples, please.

    Post # 10
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    cautiously3optimistic:  I don’t think age or the amount of time in the relationship is the issue here. For example, I’m 22 (FI 23) and we just got engaged this month, just 2 months shy of a 2 year anniversary. We were talking marriage after only a year together. <br /><br />I don’t even think financial stability is 100% the issue either. Being engaged doesn’t always require you have everything figured out financially or career wise but you do need to be heading in that direction (having a job is a good start, even if it isn’t his dream career). If he isn’t stable right now he probably won’t want to think about something like marriage (which has major financial implications) at this moment. However, I do think mentioning that you’d like to get a timeline on where the relationship is heading is fine, as long as you don’t push too much or pressure him to agree with your timeline.

    Also you need to be prepared that if you ask him about this right now he may not give you the answer you’re looking for. If you can, I would wait until things are a bit more stable. If it’s a question of “I need to know where this is headed before we get any further into it” then bring up the timeline and go from there! 

    Post # 13
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    cautiously3optimistic:  I’m so sorry but your most recent reply tells me you are both too immature for marriage. The ladies here are responding to what you wrote, seeking more information in order to help you and you are on the defensive.

    Have him find employment. Teach him to have civil conversations, if you can, yourself. If you’re still together in 2 to 3 years,you can discuss marriage.

    Post # 14
    8498 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think the time is too short, necessarily, DH and I got engaged after 1 year.  But no, I would not seriously consider a future withs someone who is still immature with no job.  I would even be okay with someone who was unemployed as long as they are looking and responsible.  You said he was irrepsonsible, I probably wouldn’t consider a future with someone like that.  Plenty of men are immature at 24 still, so it’s possible he will change but I don’t know if I’d count on that. 

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