Post # 1
Hi all! I really want your opinion on whether it’s ok that I’m pushing for my brother to be a groomsman. First let me describe our families so that it doesn’t get confusing.
me (23)- bride
sister (20)- bridesmaid
sister (17)- bridesmaid
sister (13)- bridesmaid
FI (24)- groom
sister (22)- bridesmaid
brother (18) best man
brother (4- he’s the little endcap 🙂 )- ring bearer
as you can see, everyone in the family is in the wedding party but my little brother! I don’t think FI is trying to intentionally leave him out, but he keeps saying he’s too young. I disagree. And I asked his sister to be my bridesmaid in the spirit of the whole family being involved, although his sister has been intentionally malicious towards me in the past (crossing fingers that we are past all that through this process!) my brother is such a sweet kid and thinks FI hung the moon and I think he would be crushed to be the only one left out.
but do you think my FI is right? Is he too young? or do you think he should be included? Thanks for any input!
ETA: FI hasn’t said outright “no” yet, he’s just being very non commmittal and I keep having to bring it up to him.
Post # 3
first, if his sister has been intentionally malicious, and you have to “cross your fingers” in hopes you are beyond that, I think you have erred in including her in your bridal party. See any number of posts regarding BM drama for my reasoning for that
second, yes, I think 10 years old is too young to be a groomsman.
third, if you chose to include his sister in your BP, that is your call, but I feel pretty firmly that a groom can and should select his own groomsman. So much of a wedding day tends to be about the bride, and decided by her and her family, that the least you can do is let him decide who is standing up there with him. I really hate how some women emasculate their men by micromanging everything from his groomsmen to his socks. If he’s old enough to get married, he’s old enough to decide who his closest friends are and how to dress himself.
There are ways to include family without making them a part of a wedding party. I think you need to let your husband decide who is standing up there with him. It’s his wedding too.
Post # 4
@FutureMrsT1221: its not about age really, is your brother mature enough to stand where he needs to be? They have JR bridesmaids what about a JR groomsmen? What if your brother was an usher instead? he would still have resposability but not have to stand up there with you.
Post # 5
Uh, my little brother was 17 when he was in my wedding! Not too young at all— but my brother stood on my side (with my sister and my best girl friend). Why not have him on YOUR side?
Post # 7
oops, sorry, read this wrong.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I don’t think 10 is too young to be a groomsman, but I also don’t think your groom should be pressured to put him into his lineup. I’m sure you could find another way to include him. Have him walk down the aisle with the 4 year old maybe? He could hold his hand and lead him?
Post # 9
@FutureMrsT1221: No, to me, bottom line. FAMILY AWLWAYS COMES FIRST (there are SOME exceptions to this rule, I’m speaking generally) When my mom caught wind i *might* not have been in a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding (we’e eachothers only sibling) she FLIPPED out. She thought it was rude and disrespectful that they even considered not including me in the bridal party.
Personally I didn’t care, but it really meant a lot to my mom, so at this point I feel like I’m in out of guilt, which I’m not a fan of, but whatever.
To me, and my family (AND my FI’s family) siblings and family members in general are the most important and come before friends.
Post # 10
@FutureMrsT1221: I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all. I think it’s pretty standard to include each other’s family as a nice gesture. My husband happens to be great friends with my brothers so he would include them because he wants to. However, even if he didn’t like them, I know he would still include them to make it a real “family event.”
Post # 11
He could totally be a jr groomsmen!
Post # 12
Etiquette Snob here… lol
As you have EVERYONE in the mix, I agree it would be off putting (a SNUB) to not include your little Brother as well.
And he could most certainly have a role…
Where I come from, Bridal Parties on the Grooms side are usually the Best Man, and a couple of Ushers (how many depends on the Ceremony Venue, how many Guests, how formal the Wedding etc)
If your Groom has his Ushers picked out already, then this 10 Year Old Brother could be a Jr Groomsman in name, and be dressed like the other men in the BP etc
The one thing I must caution you about is that having a Bridal Party is not just all fun & games, there are some quite substantial responsibilites & expenses that go along with this role for BOTH SIDES (the Bridal Party & the Couple)… you need to be aware of those… so as not to find yourself in a situation you cannot afford
You can find my posting on Bridal Parties and Traditional Roles (Traditional Etiquette vs Modern), for Responsibilities & Expenses here…
MOH & Bridesmaids =http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/afraid-of-being-called-a-bridezilla#axzz2f5Svnlez (Reply # 15)
BM & Groomsmen / Ushers = http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/is-it-odd-for-groomsmen-to-not-even-give-a-card#axzz2f5Svnlez (Reply # 9)
As well… I highly recommend that you sit everyone down and go over what is expected of them as members of the BP… duties and costs… so everyone is on the same page from the get go. This will certainly go a long way to cutting back on what I see far too often here on WBee unnecessary “Bridal Party Drama”
Hope this helps,
Post # 13
@FutureMrsT1221: My brother was 9 when we got married–we had him as a ring bearer, but he stood for the whole ceremony like a groomsman.
Does he understand that your brother would be in the pridal party in name and attire only? He obviously won’t be involved in the bachelor party or anything!
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@FutureMrsT1221: Ask your little brother what role he would like to play in the wedding before forcing it on him. He may prefer to be an usher or a reader.
Post # 15
@SeaSalt: thanks for your opinion but I don’t think you needed to deduce that I was emasculating him. we each have 50/50 say on the wedding- as a matter of fact, he vetoed a photographer I really wanted yesterday and we compromised on a different one. I feel like leaving 1 out of 9 siblings out of the bridal party is a little more about family relations rather than just an opinion about the wedding like color scheme or something.
however, I respect your point about not forcing my brother into the bridal party.
Post # 16
@FutureMrsT1221: I told FI that my brother would be a groomsman and he respected that. I also told him that he got to dictate his sisters position. If he wanted her to be a BM, then she would be, if he wanted her somewhere else, she’d be somewhere else. While 10 is young, I would definitely see about him being a junior GM, he can be paired off with the 13 yr old. It’s not like he’s the only kid in the wedding party. Unless his side is “full”, I don’t see an issue.