Post # 1
I respect that the proposal is maybe one of the only things that the guy gets control over, but I don’t wear a lot of jewelry so I’m worried that my boyfriend won’t really know what kind of engagement ring that I would want because he has no frame of reference for my preferences! How do you tell them that you want to have a say in the ring decision? Or is that not appropriate?
Post # 3
If your guy is adamant about shopping for it by himself, you should give him pictures of rings that you like, so he knows the style that you like. 🙂
Post # 4
@LabDarling: Depends on your communcation. I told my SO upfront that I really wanted a say in it, at first, because it was using an heirloom stone from my family, but even though we decided against that, I told him I wanted to pick a couple, we’d write them down, and then he could choose one whenever he went back to the store to buy it (you know, unbeknownst to me). We actually found one that was a great deal, I truly loved, and he liked it too, so mine won’t be a surprise (even a surprise of 3) but I know plenty of brides who have done this. Or at least, if he’s adamant on it being a surprise, tell him what you DO and DON’T like. For instance, ROUND OR CUSHION, NO princess cuts, platinum/white gold/ no baguettes, not too high off the finger, surprise diamonds ok, SI clarity or better, etc, etc.
ETA: Include pictures with that. Most guys I know don’t know what these details mean.
Post # 5
I picked out my own. FH still got to buy the ring and propose, but he didn’t have to worry about whether or not I would love it. You could try asking him if he wants to go look at styles together so he knows what you’re into. He may even tell you that he wants you to pick out a couple (or one) that you like. If not, at least you’ve given him the basic idea.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s inappropriate..I picked mine out. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation went..but he was the one who told me to find a ring I liked, and he’d buy it for me.
Post # 7
I’m in the same boat. I don’t wear a lot of jewellry either so I picked out the ring I want. Some people pick out a few so he has choices and that way you’re still surprised. I think it’s appropriate as long as both of you are ok with it and on the same page.
Post # 8
Usually you both should go and see what you like. You are the one who is going to wear it. I have had 4 engagement rings and picked out every single one. The last one I just went in to the jewelry store showed it to my FI and told the jeweler I was buying it. Men are clueless. I love my ring and would NEVER trust my FI to pick out a diamond EVER on his own! I just got it cleaned today and I can’t stop staring at it!!
Post # 9
I never saw the ring, never knew he would propose and I was shocked to see what he picked. It was perfect! I also don’t wear rings so it was difficult. Have faith and maybe leave some hints here and there.
Post # 10
My FI asked me to go look at rings because he didn’t know what I’d like. Maybe you could tell him you at least want to go look together, that way he sees what you like and you’ll feel more confident that he’ll choose wisely.
Post # 12
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to choose a ring that you have to wear. Especially when you have to wear it every day for the rest of your life, and it’s an expensive mistake if he picks the wrong one and you don’t want to wear it.
I don’t trust my SO to pick a ring I’d like. In a recent conversation he told me he’d choose white gold because he prefers it, despite the fact that I prefer yellow gold. I don’t see why I should spend the rest of my life wearing something that I don’t actually like just because it’s his preference! I know he’s the one who’s paying, but why should he go against my own preference to dictate what I wear?! It seems such a waste to spend thousands on the most expensive piece of jewellery I’ll ever own, only for me to avoid wearing it because I hate it.
Post # 13
I think it depends on the guy. I know mine wouldn’t have ever wanted me to pick it out because for him it was important that he do it himself, but he’s traditional like that. I would just talk to your FI and bring it up casually and see how he feels about it. If it’s extremely important to you and you’re concerned about it, I think he’ll understand and be okay with it.
Post # 14
I fall on the let him pick it side of the fence. We did go to a jewlery store and look at rings before he proposed, but it was more of a do you like the white ones or yellow ones, big stone, little stone sort of thing. Then he went back later and picked one for me. I love it because it was a gift from him which makes it perfect. I also loved the surprise of not knowing what he picked until he proposed.
Post # 15
I don’t think there is anything wrong with showing your SO pictures of styles you like, but I beleve there should be some element of surprise. It’s much more romantic that way! In my case, the whole proposal was a total surprise and he couldn’t have chosen a more special, perfect ring.
Post # 16
I picked mine… was actually going to pay for it, but FI ended up paying for the setting…
Actually, when we went to look at settings at two different jewelers and FI was sitting back not commenting even when I asked for his opinion the jewelers said that he was being pretty typical — let the girls pick out what they want….
ETA: I agree with element of surprise, but that came in the form of how he asked me and I also didn’t get to see the finished ring until it was on my finger…