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I am very sensitive about this and have made it a point to NOT discuss anything wedding oriented unless asked. And, even then, try to keep it as short and to the point as possible. There will be friends who will want to gush with you... and friends who are excited for you, but it still hurts. Everything with moderation. Make sure that as you talk about you and yourself, you are still excited and invested in what's happening in their lives.
For me, I keep my trap shut unless they explicitly ask about it or are a member of my bridal party. I don't want to make people sad, or be known as the girl that only blah-blahs about her wedding. That can be a real turn-off.
i guess it depends on your friends, my friends don't seem to mind talking about wedding with me. in fact their always the ones bringing it up! i'm the first in our little circle to get married, so i think they're excited for a wedding, and probably wanting to learn from mine.
I think it really depends. If they're good friends, in my experience, they want details a lot. However, some just don't care, and that's also fine with me. My general feeling is that you should keep pretty quiet about it unless someone brings it up, and then take it from there.
That's nice of you to think about your friends' feelings :)
I don't necessarily think that just because someone doesn't want to hear about your wedding that they are jealous or envious. Some people just aren't that interested in weddings. So, for that reason, I also only talk to people who ask questions about it. I certainly wasn't interested in weddings until I started planning one.
I agree that once you become a bride (or a mother) it seems like no one wants to talk about anything but the wedding (or the baby). It's like, I swear I have more interesting things to talk about than my colors!!
I try not to talk about wedding plans with anyone but my mom and my FI. My MOH just broke up with her bf & moved out of his house, so we're definitely not gushing over wedding plans right now. Even when people ask, I just keep it brief. I remember when a bunch of my friends (who had been dating less time than my FI and I have) got engaged & married last year. It made me want to throw myself into oncoming traffic... I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't "close the deal". I would never want to make anyone feel that way!
I think it is best to lay off on wedding talk with your gfs unless they specifically ask or they are in your bridal party!
Like others have said, it really depends on your friends. If they are the "dying to get married type" its prob a good idea not to go on and on. But for someone like me, I was so not dying to get married, therefore felt no jealousy or desire towards any friends that got married. Overall though, regarless of sadness, jealousy, whatever, if these girls really are your friends they will be happy for you & let you ramble about your special day :)
I try to keep my mouth shut as best as I can. There is one gal (one of my BM's) whom I talk wedding stuff to all the time, but only because she asks. That is part of the reason I created a blog, so I could get all the wedding stuff out of my system without completely annoying my friends and family!
I try not to because i know at my age everyone around me is getting married and allot of my single friends feel so left out and lonly and it just a constant remeinder talking about your wedding how they don't have some one and wonder if they will ever find some one. Its hard on them it would be hard on us to if we where in there shoes.
I thought it was crappy that I felt like I couldn't talk about my wedding for fear of jealousy with some of my bridesmaids, but I also knew the line of what was too much. No, i don't think it was unreasonable to discuss stuff with my bridesmaids and if they can't not be jealous, that's their problem because sometimes we just gotta talk wedding! But, I was also sensitive to what was necessary information (and what was asked of me to divulge) but also what was just me rambling on about colors and veils and "irrelevent" things to their tasks. I defintiely didn't want to be the reason my girls were upset, but I think they also all expect us to talk wedding at least some. I kept it to quite the minumum, though, on a "need to know" basis unless somebody started questioning me.
As someone who waited until her mid-thirties to get engaged, don't assume that your friends' "sad" looks mean that they don't want to hear wedding details. I would sometimes get a bit wistful when my friends would talk about wedding planning, but it would have made me feel worse to be excluded from the conversation just because I was single. In any conversation, you should be aware of the person you are talking to and if they aren't interested or are upset by it, change the subject.
I agree that it really depends on your friends. And things like weddings and motherhood really do bring out the best and worst in your friends. Shockingly enough, I have one BM who will almost not discuss the big day with me and she does get offended if I bring it up before she asks about things. And then on the same hand, she gets upset with me for not sharing "what's going on in my life" with her? I don't get it. Either you want to know about my life or you don't...but if you choose that you do not want to hear about my wedding, please try to remember how consuming it was when you were a bride?
But then, there's my MOH who reads my blog daily and comments to me about it all through email and even spends entire weekends lending a helping hand without me having to ask her to do that.
So, with all that being said, I think that it just takes all kinds. Maybe we, as brides, should be more aware of how wrapped up in things we tend to get...for me it's just easier not to bring it up unless asked. And yes, that IS hard to do sometimes!
I agree that it all depends on the friends! I have an amazing single friend who is serving as my coordinator and meeting with me on a regular basis to sort through every single detail! Sure, she really wants to get married but she's also happy for me and enjoys helping me in this way!
From my personal experience, I helped plan 2 weddings while I was single. Hey, if it wasn't time to pick my music, cake, flowers, etc, at least I could still have fun picking someone's cake, flowers, music, etc. Plus, when it came time to plan my own wedding, I had a good feel for the process and a better idea of what was out there.
On the other hand, I have friends who I can tell it is EXTREMELY hard for so I usually don't bring up my wedding around them.
So, I say just play it by ear depending on your friends...
I make a point to call my closest friends and ask about them. Usually they are the ones that bring up the wedding and they are always emailing me (unprovoked) wedding ideas. I think by letting them know that I love them and excited for the day when I get to help them, they are excited to help me.
I keep my mouth shut as often as I can just because I don't think most people are really interested in all the wedding details. They just want to come and enjoy themselves :) I have a couple friends who do ask about planning and we'll talk about it sometimes, but not too much.
And yeah, it does really depend on your friends. Mine aren't jealous at all - they're not itching to get married immediately or anything, I've never gotten a jealous or sad vibe from them. They all are in their mid-20s too, so that might be part of it. I do think that if you think your friends are feelign that way, that it is best to limit your talk.
I think it really depends on the friends. I had some friends who just think getting married is a bad idea overall. We don't talk about the wedding much at all. I can't even mentioned getting FI a visa due to his future status as my husband. Other friends try to be supportive but honestly couldn't care at all. We're eloping. I talk to my FI about the wedding and at last, I am content.
I make an effort to involve my single friends (which cake flavor do you like better, what songs would you like played, etc.) But I limit my wedding chatter strictly to their input, that way the conversation is focused on them, and I'm not blabbering randomly while their eyes glaze over. I can get their input, but I'm also not boring them with a 10-minute conversation on the merits of taffeta versus tulle.
I think it is human nature to want to share everything about the wedding. But I tried to remember how seeing ONE picture of their kid and hearing a few stories was nice, listening to them go on and on about their babies got boring. The wedding was my baby for a while, so I did my best to share a few highlights and then moved on. :)
I definitely try not to bring up the wedding unless specifically asked about it, although sometimes it's hard...Two of my BM's are in serious relationships so for them, I don't feel as bad talking about it, the other two are single and one in particular I try very very hard not to mention it bc I don't want her to feel badly about not having a BF or being close to getting engaged...The other one is single but LOVES weddings and has said multiple times that she does't care how much I talk about the wedding, which is a good thing bc she's my MOH! But in general, I try to keep the wedding talk to a minimum, because the truth is, nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do ! :)
I wouldn't have ever even thought it might upset people. Most of my friends aren't the 'dying to get married' types though.....Jeez wonder if I've been insensitive. On the other hand, seems like mostly I rant to them about the bad stuff, so they're probably not jealous of me anyways.
I agree with the other poster who said maybe they're actually just bored. I can't fathom anyone, even a 'dying to be married' type, who would get really sad about hearing your wedding plans, maybe a tad jealous or wistful, but not hurt or anything....but I can def imagine people being uninterested.....that's how I feel when people start talking about their kids.
I think it does depend on the friends, I know I was talking about it too much and have pretty much stopped mentioning it unless they bring it up, which is working really well.
I think you are very thoughtful to consider your friends' feelings.
If I were you, I would decide on a person-by-person basis.
Ex:
Gal A loves clothes and thinks wedding gowns are the ultimate.
Gal B likes music.
Gal C likes jewelry.
Gal D is an amazing cook.
So guess which part of your wedding you talk to each gal about?
btw - I get really tired of friends who go on and on and on and on about their FHs and BFs.
My sister did that. SHE chose him, not me. Plus vague statements like "he's so wonderful" is waaaay old by the 90th time I hear it. I was happy for her but puh-leeeaze!
But I love stories about surprizes found in lunch bag, etc. Those stories are fresh!
One of my bridesmaids is going through a divorce. I tried to stay away from talking about my wedding plans but there were times when I just could not because she had to know certain things as a bridesmaid. Of course she was not enthusiastic and at times would roll her eyes when I talked about the wedding. I know that she must have been hurting because of her divorce but it also hurt me to know that she was not interested in such an important part of my life. It is important to be there for your friends when they are going through difficult times but it is equally important for them to be there for you, supporting you when you are going thru happy times... It is true though that some people just arent as excited about weddings as others and there is nothing wrong with that but if they dont want to know about your plans because they themself dont have what you have and they want, then they are the one not being a good friend. Those are my thoughts.
Well I personally don't wedding talk unless I know the other girl is somebody who is ok with that.
When I was divorcing and going thru a gut wrenching situation, my bff was getting married. She tried to not talk about any of it. My sister's sister in law was getting married and it was hard to listen to her discussing anything at all related to a wedding. And to make it worse, she was marrying in the same sanctuary where I married my ex husband. So it stung worse and when I declined the invite because I couldn't sit in that same sanctuary, she became upset.
You have to be sensitive. Some may have just broken up with somebody. Others may be single. But trust me, your friends can't help but know you're engaged. I knew when my friends were and talked about it when I felt like it. But then again I was also heartbroken at the time and probably most don't have that situation I hope.
But do be sensitive.
I honestly never talk about relationships unless someone asks. I am the only girl in my large circle of friends who has even dated in the recent past so I always felt uncomfortable taking about my boyfriend and now FH. All though sometimes I wonder if that was more me than other people. It's not like I'm assamed to talk about my honey, by no means. I just worry about somehow offending others... if that makes any sense :-/
I try not to talk about the wedding too much to my MOH since she is still single and feeling it. However, I was single once while she was dating someone and I constantly had to hear about him while I was alone and lonely. But while I was out the other night with my two friends (one is a gay male who is coming out of a relationship and the other is a straight female with no boyfriend), they asked me how the wedding plans are going and I was still hesitant to talk to them about it. I just am trying my best not to be one of those bridezillas where EVERYTHING is the wedding this and the wedding that. It's such a fine line to walk, where you SHOULD have everyone happy for you, but yet they're not.
I talk about the wedding with my single bridesmaids all the time, because I know the three of them enjoy wedding planning. With my other single friends, I only talk about it if I am asked about it. I get a lot of my wedding blabber out here on Weddingbee!
I do have one friend (frenemy may be more accurate) who warned me about wedding talk. The first time I saw her after I got engaged, she remembered it about half an hour into our dinner and asked to see my ring. Then she told me not to worry, that she will let me know if I'm talking wedding too much. Awkward! Needless to say, I certainly do not talk about the wedding with her. We don't have much in common anyway and don't see each other much anymore.
I agree with others that it depends on the friend. I think it's so easy for an ecstatic bride-to-be to get carried away with wedding talk without realizing it.
i try to keep it zipped unless they ask...the last thing i want is to look like an airhead or alienate my single friends...
but that's why we have wedding bee, to gush about weddings all day without pissing anyone off :)
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ofcourse like every bride-to-be i'm on cloud nine with excitement planning our upcoming wedding, thinking about the future with my FH, having a family together, etc. i can't help but talk to my close girlfriends about the wedding dress i'm in love with, or the venu that i'm in love with, how much i'm looking forward to having kids, etc. on one end i am worried that i'm not being respectful for their feelings of sadness for not having yet found what i have (i see it on their faces sometimes then i quickly change the conversation), but then on the other end, I ask myself why should i hold my excitement when i'm so happy in my life. what do you think?