(Closed) is it unthoughtful to talk so much about your wedding to your single friends?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I am very sensitive about this and have made it a point to NOT discuss anything wedding oriented unless asked.  And, even then, try to keep it as short and to the point as possible.  There will be friends who will want to gush with you… and friends who are excited for you, but it still hurts.  Everything with moderation.  Make sure that as you talk about you and yourself, you are still excited and invested in what’s happening in their lives.  

 

Post # 4
Member
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

For me, I keep my trap shut unless they explicitly ask about it or are a member of my bridal party. I don’t want to make people sad, or be known as the girl that only blah-blahs about her wedding. That can be a real turn-off.

Post # 5
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i guess it depends on your friends, my friends don’t seem to mind talking about wedding with me. in fact their always the ones bringing it up! i’m the first in our little circle to get married, so i think they’re excited for a wedding, and probably wanting to learn from mine.

Post # 6
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think it really depends. If they’re good friends, in my experience, they want details a lot. However, some just don’t care, and that’s also fine with me. My general feeling is that you should keep pretty quiet about it unless someone brings it up, and then take it from there.

That’s nice of you to think about your friends’ feelings 🙂

Post # 7
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I don’t necessarily think that just because someone doesn’t want to hear about your wedding that they are jealous or envious.  Some people just aren’t that interested in weddings.  So, for that reason, I also only talk to people who ask questions about it.  I certainly wasn’t interested in weddings until I started planning one.

Post # 8
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree that once you become a bride (or a mother) it seems like no one wants to talk about anything but the wedding (or the baby). It’s like, I swear I have more interesting things to talk about than my colors!!

I try not to talk about wedding plans with anyone but my mom and my FI. My MOH just broke up with her bf & moved out of his house, so we’re definitely not gushing over wedding plans right now. Even when people ask, I just keep it brief. I remember when a bunch of my friends (who had been dating less time than my FI and I have) got engaged & married last year. It made me want to throw myself into oncoming traffic… I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t “close the deal”. I would never want to make anyone feel that way!

I think it is best to lay off on wedding talk with your gfs unless they specifically ask or they are in your bridal party!

Post # 9
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Like others have said, it really depends on your friends. If they are the “dying to get married type” its prob a good idea not to go on and on. But for someone like me, I was so not dying to get married, therefore felt no jealousy or desire towards any friends that got married. Overall though, regarless of sadness, jealousy, whatever, if these girls really are your friends they will be happy for you & let you ramble about your special day 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I try to keep my mouth shut as best as I can.  There is one gal (one of my BM’s) whom I talk wedding stuff to all the time, but only because she asks.  That is part of the reason I created a blog, so I could get all the wedding stuff out of my system without completely annoying my friends and family!

Post # 11
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I try not to because i know at my age everyone around me is getting married and allot of my single friends feel so left out and lonly and it just a constant remeinder talking about your wedding how they don’t have some one and wonder if they will ever find some one. Its hard on them it would be hard on us to if we where in there shoes.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I thought it was crappy that I felt like I couldn’t talk about my wedding for fear of jealousy with some of my bridesmaids, but I also knew the line of what was too much. No, i don’t think it was unreasonable to discuss stuff with my bridesmaids and if they can’t not be jealous, that’s their problem because sometimes we just gotta talk wedding! But, I was also sensitive to what was necessary information (and what was asked of me to divulge) but also what was just me rambling on about colors and veils and “irrelevent” things to their tasks. I defintiely didn’t want to be the reason my girls were upset, but I think they also all expect us to talk wedding at least some. I kept it to quite the minumum, though, on a “need to know” basis unless somebody started questioning me.

Post # 13
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

As someone who waited until her mid-thirties to get engaged, don’t assume that your friends’ “sad” looks mean that they don’t want to hear wedding details.  I would sometimes get a bit wistful when my friends would talk about wedding planning, but it would have made me feel worse to be excluded from the conversation just because I was single.  In any conversation, you should be aware of the person you are talking to and if they aren’t interested or are upset by it, change the subject. 

Post # 14
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree that it really depends on your friends.  And things like weddings and motherhood really do bring out the best and worst in your friends.  Shockingly enough, I have one BM who will almost not discuss the big day with me and she does get offended if I bring it up before she asks about things.  And then on the same hand, she gets upset with me for not sharing “what’s going on in my life” with her?  I don’t get it.  Either you want to know about my life or you don’t…but if you choose that you do not want to hear about my wedding, please try to remember how consuming it was when you were a bride?

But then, there’s my MOH who reads my blog daily and comments to me about it all through email and even spends entire weekends lending a helping hand without me having to ask her to do that. 

So, with all that being said, I think that it just takes all kinds.  Maybe we, as brides, should be more aware of how wrapped up in things we tend to get…for me it’s just easier not to bring it up unless asked.  And yes, that IS hard to do sometimes!

Post # 15
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

I agree that it all depends on the friends!  I have an amazing single friend who is serving as my coordinator and meeting with me on a regular basis to sort through every single detail!  Sure, she really wants to get married but she’s also happy for me and enjoys helping me in this way! 

From my personal experience, I helped plan 2 weddings while I was single.  Hey, if it wasn’t time to pick my music, cake, flowers, etc, at least I could still have fun picking someone’s cake, flowers, music, etc.  Plus, when it came time to plan my own wedding, I had a good feel for the process and a better idea of what was out there.

On the other hand, I have friends who I can tell it is EXTREMELY hard for so I usually don’t bring up my wedding around them.

So, I say just play it by ear depending on your friends…

Post # 16
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

I make a point to call my closest friends and ask about them.  Usually they are the ones that bring up the wedding and they are always emailing me (unprovoked) wedding ideas.  I think by letting them know that I love them and excited for the day when I get to help them, they are excited to help me.

 

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