Post # 1
I was just wondering how involved other women usually get in the choosing of their engagement ring and diamond. We window-shopped once a few years ago, and then last month for real when he said he was ready to buy it, but couldn’t remember which band I’d said I wanted. We figured that since I would be the one wearing it every day for the rest of my life that I should choose it, but then I worried that doing that might seem too pushy or mercenary in some way, like the object was more important than the meaning. I even was the one who drove around to different stores to look at diamonds, since he was busy with work. In the end, he told me an upper limit figure, and I just told him which store had the stone I wanted. Does that seem weird? Now is the waiting time when I’m not supposed to mention it anymore and then be surprised when at some point in the hopefully-not-too-distant future, he whips it out and -voila- it’s just what I’ve always wanted! What do you all think? Is this approach too picky and materialisitc, or is it awkward but necessary? Or should women be discouraged from getting involved in the details since the meaning is the important thing?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s weird at all – I picked mine out! He wanted it that way. That way he knew I would like it!
Post # 4
exactly, Aug15bride. I think it is definetly more common these days for the woman to go pick out her ring before hand. It ensures that you actually like the ring!
LOL – funny story;
About 4 weeks after my FI unexpectantly went out and ordered my suprise ering, I had mentioned to him (very nonchalant lol) that I read somewhere that like 60% of women hate their erings but would never say anything to their FIs or friends. lol he freaked right out and was like "WELL….WHEN….AND IF I GET YOU A RING….YOU WOULD TELL ME IF YOU HATED IT RIGHT?….YOU HAAAAVE TO TELL ME…" ha ha right after he proposed he mentioned that convo to me (that I basically forgot about) and was like he almost died when he heard that thinking I would hate this beautiful rock on my finger lol
Post # 5
It’s pretty common these days. FI and I did it that way. We were using a family stone of my great-grandmothers so we kind of had to, but even if we weren’t I would have insisted on at least doing some "window shopping" with him so he had some clue of what to get. Men, generally speaking, don’t know much when it comes to jewelry.
Post # 6
I don’t think it is unusual at all! Fiance and I decided together, and when we found the right stone, we both KNEW! It was really, really fun picking out a stone together 🙂
Post # 7
He wanted ruby sidestones on my ring. I was not sure how nice that would look so I looked for some samples online once. I’m not picky but when it comes to non-traditional, I want to make sure it’s not too way out there. I printed out a picture of one and kept it. I tried to describe the style in another conversation…but he said, Let me pick it. Let’s be romantic. A few weeks later, when he was stressing about my ring–he asked me again to clarify so I whipped out the picture and he chuckled but said he was soooo relieved because he was having a hard time. There was no website, size so he had to decide where, how big, how much to spend. Oh and the final ring had no ruby sidestones, same style as the pic, just diamonds. So he did adjust it based on input of the jeweler. I know he cared and a lot of thought went into it. I was dazzled by the beauty of the moment and the ring.
Here’s some advice for those who want a SEMI-SURPRISE === give him some input and freedom to change/adjust, wait til signs of struggle and inquiry, be prepared with what u like.
Every couple is different and you can find joy in all kinds of situations. 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
I don’t think it’s weird at all. I think most men would like some assurance that the major number of dollars they’re about to spend is not going to be a total gamble and may turn out to be something you secretly hate. I described to my FH what styles I liked, and he went and did the majority of the shopping by himself. Then, he narrowed it down to three rings he thought I would really love, and asked me to come in and choose my favorite. It turned out that the one I wanted was the same as what he thought I would want, but he just couldn’t pull the trigger on it until I gave him the okay!
Post # 9
It’s totally not weird. Sometimes men don’t know where to start with the type of ring you would want. My hubby and I went to look at rings prior to getting engaged. He also did a lot of research on his own but he knew the type of ring that I wanted. There’s soooooo many to choose from that it’s helpful if he knows what style you prefer. Some of my friends have picked out the actual engagement ring themselves too.
Post # 10
Honestly, I have never understood the whole thing of the big surprise proposal in which he whips out the ring. You’re the one who is going to be wearing that ring for life, and I’d think he’d want to make sure you were happy with it.
For my first ring, we had a family diamond reset. I was the one who had the diamond, so it obviously was not a big surprise. This time around, neither of us really wanted an engagement ring. However, if I were going to have one, I’d definitely want to help pick it out.
Post # 11
We went ring shopping several months before the proposal … I picked out 5 rings that I liked, and then he later went and bought the one that he thought I wanted the most (and that he liked the most) … so I had some input, but the final product was still a mini surprise.
Post # 12
We also went shopping together months before he propsed. I chose the type of diamond (cut/quality) I liked and looked at different band styles and showed him which styles I liked! A few months later, he proposed and the ring that he ultimately had made was perfect! He really paid attention and remembered what I liked! I’m sure the jeweler took notes too though! So of course I think it’s fine to share what you like!
Post # 13
My fi proposed without a ring, and we later decided to wear each other’s birthstones instead of the traditional diamonds. Since both of our rings are custom-made, I knew ahead of time what mine would look like. 🙂
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s strange at all! We had a great time picking out the ring together and wound up choosing a custom ring. Stones and rings look so different on your finger that it’s really a good idea to at least know what you like the look of on your hand. I was surprised to find out some of the styles I liked looking at online were disasters on my hand. Nobody has ever made any comments to me about how FI and I shouldn’t have picked out the ring together. People actually have commented how it was thoughtful of my FI to choose it with me. Don’t worry about judgment; I’m sure everyone will simply be impressed with your gorgeous ring
Post # 15
I don’t think it’s unusual at all! FI wanted me to pick mine out because he was so worried about getting something that I wouldn’t like so it just worked out for the better for us.
Post # 16
It’s not weird at all. I picked out my ring.