Post # 1
I’ve been super flexible with my BMs dresses. I told them a color (plum) and a length (short) and let them all choose their own dresses so they’ll (hopefully) be able to wear them again. Plus I really like the mismatched look 🙂
The only thing is that I’d like to ask them to wear flats for the wedding (really just the ceremony). They can choose any flats they like (as long as the color isn’t too wacky). I don’t care if they wear their tallest heels to the reception but my FI is shorter than me (and I’m not tall) and so are both of his brothers. If my BMs wear heals they’ll all be at least 6+ inches taller than the 2 out of 4 groomsmen (plus my FI) and I dunno, I guess I’m just a little self-conscious/ worried about the pictures. Even in flats they’ll all be taller than my FI and his brothers, but I’m (obvs) totally okay with that 🙂
So, what’d you think? Is this an appropriate thing to ask for? Will it look weird if they’re wearing flats? Will it make me seem self-conscious about the height differences (even if I AM self-conscious, I don’t want to look like I’m self-conscious :)).
And, in case it matters, I know at least one of my BMs won’t be happy about having to wear flats. She loves, loves, loves heels and I think she’s a little self-conscious of her legs…
Post # 3
I say go for it! My BM’s are all very short. They wanted to wear heels but since I myself was wearing flats and I am short as well, I thought it would look weird being shorter than everyone else. We found some really cute silver sandals for them to wear and the pics turned out great! Go with what you want, it is YOUR day! 🙂 Here are a few pics where you can see the sandals and how the group picture looked.
Post # 4
I had two thoughts – one is that, flats are a totally fine request from a bride to her bridesmaids. They also will look fine. I went to a wedding this past weekend where they all wore short dresses and flats, though their were matching. They commented that it was more comfortable since they were standing so much. Plus, flats can be cute too!
My other thought is this – what about reallllly short heels. Like two inch kitten heels or something. That way they still get the “look” of heels without becoming super tall. If that’s a good compromise for the one you think may worry about her legs looking short or whatever.
I myself am tall (I’m 5’10) and also very low-maintenance, so if this was requested of me I wouldn’t even hesitate. I would actually be GLAD because I don’t like wearing heels unless I choose specifically to do so that day. 😉 haha.
However, I wouldn’t mention that it was because of all the height drama and dilemma, etc. Just tell them you, as the bride, would like them to wear flats to achieve the “look” you are going for. No need to get into all the reasons and then have them argue back about whatever. Normally I’m not a “you’re the bride, you tell them what to do” poster, but on this small issue, I am. It’s just shoes. I don’t know why they’d be upset really…..
Post # 5
i think it depends on the formalness of your wedding to be honest.
I’m 5’11” and I wore 4″ heels and was taller than the GM I walked with for my cousin’s wedding.
Post # 6
I think it’s a reasonable request but I wouldn’t be surprised to get some pushback.
There is nothing like a heel to lengthen the leg and give a nice line to the calf.
Girls with heavier calves look even heavier with flats so don’t try to kid them that they will look cute. Just ask them to do it for you and your FI.
Post # 7
I was joking around with the girls about how I should have made them all wear flats. I’m short, and have some chronic pain problems including issues with my feet, so my heels weren’t very high. My sister (who is much taller) loves her 4″ heels! To be honest, I didn’t really care though, and I think legs tend to look better with heels so I let them wear what they liked.
If you’re worried about a huge height difference, tell them to wear flats! I know my sister wouldn’t have had an issue if I seriously requested her to.
Post # 8
It’s reasonable, but I wouldn’t be happy if I were asked to wear flats. I am already short and need a heel to lengthen my legs. Also, I don’t find flats all that comfortable (not enough arch support).
Post # 9
I’m 5’3″, so I really prefer to wear heels, but would suck it up and wear flats for a good friend.
Post # 10
Thanks so much for all the feedback, everyone.
My BMs are all ~5’6 – 5’8” so everyone’s pretty average in height. Our wedding is casual so I think flats would work. That said, I kind of like @AmeliaBedelia‘s compromise; I could ask them to wear flats or heels that are 2″ or less. I think the height thing is really my hang up, so no need to torture my friends. I know they would understand/ be good sports, but what’s an inch or two when they’re already taller standing flat-footed?
Post # 11
I think it’s fine, just so long as you don’t single just one girl out and tell her she has to wear them because she’s too tall. If everyone’s gotta wear them, I think it’s totally acceptable!
Post # 12
My fiance is only two inches taller than me so I’m wearing flats.. my sister and best friend are right at his height… the groomsmen are all 6’… but i asked the girls to wear flats bc i didn’t want my fiance and I to be totally shorty’s compared to everyone else… they agreed without hesitation.. I found some super cute flats and bought a pair for all of us.. my way of saying thank you for doing this for me 🙂
Post # 13
The girl’s dresses are going to be long, so I really have no preference on their shoes! I was going to ask for a cute classic pump or something in red or black. But it doesnt really matter, rather them be comfy and have a good time! =)
I’d honestly be more picky if my girl’s ended up with a shorter dress though and probably would not go the “flat” route! But they’d be welcome to wear some for the Reception!
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2012 - Now Jade Riviera, Puerto Morelos Mexico
TOTALLY ok for you ask them to wear flats! it’s YOUR wedding. and especially since your FI and groomsmen are short…it’s totally understandable for you to NOT want them to be 6 inches taller than the guys! they should all understand.
Post # 15
I think it would be fine to ask them to wear flats if you genuinely just liked the look of flats. However you are wanting them for aesthetically pleasing reasons which I find rude. People come in all different shapes and sizes and I think we should accept them as that. To me, your request is no different from asking an overweight BM to stand at the back so her weight doesn’t show up in photos, or asking a balding GM to wear a hat.
Post # 16
When I’m a bridesmaid, I always tell the bride that I would wear a trash bag if she asked me to…however, I’ mabout 4’11”, and I would probably be irritated if she asked me to wear flats because flats make me look as wide as I am tall and it would make me uncomfortable. However…I would suck it up and do it anyway. 🙂 I’m a big fan of giving the girls a color and letting them go nuts.