Post # 1
Some backstory. My SO and I have known each other for 10 years, dated for 3, and lived together for 6 months. We’ve always been on the same page with regards to marriage. We both wanted to live together first, and get engaged shortly after. A few months after we moved in together, he started asking about rings. I’ve been clear about the fact that I wanted to choose my own ring, and we’re currently in the process of ordering one (which seems to be taking forever).
After we get the ring, he wants to keep it in his possession, and wait until after the holidays to propose. He doesn’t want us to have to make any ‘big announcements’ to our families over the holidays, and I agree.
Here’s the thing. Ever since he started asking me about engagement rings, I have become wedding-obsessed. I want to plan EVERYTHING. Even though he hasn’t officially proposed. I know that it’s coming, so I figure… Why not get a head start? SO has been supportive, but unenthusiastic (which is to be expected, considering he generally doesn’t care about wedding stuff, and would have been fine with eloping). My questions for you:
– Did you start planning your wedding before you were officially engaged?
– If so, was it just general pinterest-ing? Or did you plan specific things, like music and flower arrangements? Did you go as far as visiting (or even booking) vendors?
– Did you tell your SO about it? How did he/she respond?
Post # 2
I did. I was upfront with my (now) FI about it and he took it very well. We had a LOT of conversations about engagement/wedding/marriage before I started planning so I think he kind of expected it.
Edit: I did a lot of Pinterest and also looked at a few venues with my FI before we were engaged. We were paying for it all ourselves so we wanted to get an idea of what the prices would be like in our area.
Post # 3
I was a total planner. Not one thing is actully being used for the real wedding though! Not the dresses i pinned, the month i chose. Nothing. Lol. Enjoy preengaged pinterest dreaming, but remember to be flexable too. Congrats!
Post # 4
I waited until I was engage to plan. For me it didn’t feel right to plan a wedding unless I have a date set.
Post # 5
Well if it’s weird then I guess I’m weird too! 😀
You’re ordering the ring, you know it’s coming, I don’t see any problem with getting a head start on some planning! My boyfriend and I have gone ring shopping and are going to NYC in December to look one more time, but I’ve started some wedding planning already.
Pinterest-ing, looking up specific vendors on The Knot, not booking anything though. Haven’t told my boyfriend about it since I’d like to save all that talk for when we’re officially engaged just because I think it’ll be more special/real that way.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
I started getting my ideas together but I didn’t officially book anything until he’d officially asked. Purely because I wanted him to be able to have his moment in making it all official, and also because I wanted him to be involved in setting the date and whatever else he had an opinion on (not much it turns out)
I don’t have a problem with planning things early though, we’ve only just started TTC and I already have most of my nursery decor… Never really cared for superstition!
Post # 7
Probably nothing wrong as long as you don’t go all bridezilla and start pressuring him or boring him with wedding stuff 24/7. Also, remember that things are not likely to go as you plan. My early daydreams use to involve him singing and me playing the piano for a big wedding of family and friends and now we are having a super tiny intimate wedding on a very hot afternoon.
Post # 8
I am also planning and putting ideas on pinintrest, we have talked about getting married in 2016, probably in the summer, due to school holidays and being able to get away for a honeymoon without taking the children with us. – We have 4 between us…..I don’t think its weird, it’s just excitement! Just not booking anything till we are official and have some cash saved!
Post # 9
I don’t think it’s weird at all. While I never booked or bought anything while I was “waiting”, I contacted a few venues and looked at some photographers to get an idea of costs. This ended up being super helpful in creating a budget and considering when we could possibly get married, given what our budget is.
My then-boyfriend, now FI thought it was a little strange, but once I brought up costs and budget, he was all for me doing research 😀
Post # 10
I get the temptation but personally think you should enjoy the experience rather than rush it! looking on pinterest is fine but I wouldn’t go beyond that 🙂
Post # 11
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, but I agree with PP’s who say that you should enjoy the process, and not rush ahead of yourself! Enjoy this last bit of time as boyfriend and girlfriend before the next step I reckon 🙂
Post # 12
shadowysewist: I was ‘planning’. DH and I were together 8.5 living together 6.5 before he proposed. I chose to go back to school and that delayed the wedding because we both wanted a wedding (him more so than me, I suggested going to vegas more than once but he was having no talk of eloping).
Before we had picked a ring I used to show him places that were affordable, trying to make him realize we could afford the wedding we wanted, but I realized it wasn’t actually helping so I then just kept my hunting to myself (mostly).
Our journey to pick a ring took a while, we both wanted it to be perfect but once I knew he was really on board with the ring shopping I actually tried to tone down the wedding talk (although I kept pinning frantically), once we found THE RING it was really hard but I tried. I looked at places and tried to get ideas.
Once we were actually engaged and planning I realized that a lot of the planning I’d done was pointless, turns out DH had some VERY specific ideas about certain things. Our venue hunt was a nightmare and that was all on him. Flowers, couldnt’ care less, the socks the groomsmen wore – HUGE deal. The things he cared about were so weird to me, but they mattered to him so I went with it.
I guess, what I’m trying to say, is pin away, dream, but don’t really plan. Men generally don’t seem to get on the planning bandwagon until after the ring is on your finger.
Post # 13
If you and your SO have agreed that you are going to get married, then I think it’s fine for the most part. I wouldn’t go booking anything without your SO’s permission or anything like that, but just looking around and making a pinterest board and gathering ideas is ok.
If you have not actually agreed to get married yet, then I wouldn’t start planning a wedding, as that may be jumping the gun a bit. It could end up hurting a whole lot more if it doesn’t actually turn out the he wants to get married. Obviously this is not the OP’s case, but I thought I’d add that in for the sake of the post.
Post # 14
shadowysewist: I’m already planning mine without the proposal as well lol. We’ve got the stone as of yesterday but we’re getting a custom ring made so my wait will be (endless!) at least a few weeks. We have already decided on our wedding date so we’re planning and making moves in reverse of that lol…
I’m obsessed with Pinterest but I’ve moved more into where we would get dinner (planning on JOP ceremony) and approximate costs and guest list. haha I’ve shared it with him and at first he was a little bristly about it. He relaxed after I told him the cost and that I wanted to get a feel for what he expected out of it so I could save money/reserve the place well in advance since things fill up fast. He’s chill now 🙂
Post # 15
shadowysewist: General pinteresting-ing and venue searching since what we were looking for was a bit hard to come by. But don’t look at any dresses (at least, not in person!!) I’m superstitious for one but also I think it’s in poor taste. Take it all as it comes, you’ll do great!