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In the begining we used to see eachither every single day ! Now it once a week , two times if im lucky. I understand he works 5 days a week and goes to the gym and had other responsibilities but i cant get over the fact that we only see each other once a week. We dont live together... I feel that i want to see him more than he does me? Even if i come home tired as hell from being in school for 10 hours and he would call me to come out, i would, but if it was other way around i dont think he would;" never right timing " well i make the right timing buddy! aggg ok now im frustrated !
what to you guys think? is this normal and what should i do ?
need advice guys :/
I only see FI once a week from now until June. He's studying for a big credentialed exam :( It stinks but I want him to pass because I know how happy it will make him!
Do you guys at least talk on the phone every night? Sometimes one partner needs more "face time" than the other. If you have to, schedule a time to talk about this with him. He should be open to making changes if need be. You definitely have to make sure you're getting what you need to nourish your relationship!
Hmmm ok honestly I do think it's a little odd. Do you ever spend the night at each other's house? Even 30 minutes together before bed makes a huge difference. Before FI and I moved in together we would spend about 6 nights a week together, (even though he worked and i was in law school). Just coming home to each other was enough to make us feel connected.
well i see mine for 2 days a week and its been three years and live together for 2 now. he away for work and sometimes i go with him for 3days but on average its 2 days and sometimes im working when hes finally home :( but have the chance i think its kinda odd considering you are apart for other reasons then distance related.
Me and my FI don't live together and it depends on my work schedule how many times a week we see each other. He has a set schedule so he's gone from 5:30am to 6pm throughout the week and with me going to school and working whatever shifts they give me (usually something like 4-11:30 or 2-10 and a ton of weekends) we hardly ever spend time together during the week. If I don't work til like noon or later on a Saturday or Sunday he'll come over whenever I get off work (again usually around midnight when all is said and done) and the only time we'll really get to spend together we're asleep but to me that makes all the difference in the world.
If anything I would try to explain to him that you miss him or want to see him more. My FI is a great stress reliever to me even if we just grab some dinner or a phone call before bed on a really bad day. Maybe if you let him know that even just hearing from him makes you feel better you could start with that and work your way into a better schedule. I know how hard it is with both people working and one going to school at the same time it just feels like theres so much going on and you're so tired by the end of the day but communication is key.
Yeah we used to hardly see eachother for a while because he lived fourty minutes away and we were both in school full time so it was about twice a week. I established a rule we touch base on the phone every night even if it's only two minutes because it helped me stay connected. Just communicate your needs that aren't being met and set boundaries.
Personally I think it's weird. I was with someone and when that happened, it was a sign that we weren't right for each other. Once we split up, I met the man of my dreams. Obviously there was a lot to it, but I still think that if you love someone, you want to be with them. If distance isn't an issue, something is up. Just IMHO.
Yes, I think its weird. Personally, I would be sad if he chose to do things that really aren't that important over seeing me.
I think it's only weird if it doesn't feel right for you. But for me and my FI, it's perfectly fine. We have always lived an 1.5 hr away from each other, and we've been together 3 years. He's a professional, I'm a graduate student. Even after we get married, we will continue seeing each other during the weekends until I graduate. We call each other Tuesdays and Thursdays. That may seem weird to others, but again, it works great for us because neither of us wants to live somewhere halfway in an area we don't like, and spend $$ and time commuting.
@chesseplease, does he know how you feel? How is it ever not the "right timing" if he doesn't give you a chance? I think he should at least give it a try before dismissing the idea of calling you, and say, hey, let's hang out!
It really depends on your schedules. If you want to make more of an effort, here are some more ideas- meet for lunch/dinner, get a pass at his gym and go together.. just make time to make time for each other! Make plans in advance! And most of all, tell him how you feel.
Have you guys discussed living with each other? I know that my FI and I had a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years and could only see each other every other weekend, as we were 5 hours from each other. That was very hard. Finally, I moved to live with him and I am always wondering why I didn't do it alot sooner. I hate to say it, but I would say if you live in the same town, and he doesn't feel the need to see you more than once a week after dating for 4 years, that might be a sign to move on. It just doesn't sound like you two are on the same page. I'm sorry 
Because you are asking for opinions I am going to be honest, yes I think it is odd. IMO I think it woud be difficult to have a serious and commited realtionship with a solid future with marriage at some stage (assuming you are on WB I assume that is what you want?) only seeing that person once a week after 4 years. I don't want to be rude or anything at all but I dont think you and your SO are on the same page working towards the same goal (based on what you've told us).
I would sit down and talk to your SO about how you are feeling and what you want. Try to come to some mutual agreement where you BOTH make an effort- not just you. I wouldn't move in together just to see each other more, I think the decision to live together is one you should make to move forward not just to fix a problem. Talk about the real reason why he isn't (and you aren't) making that extra effort to see each other. Give it say a month or two and if things are still the same at that time I would re-evaluate the relationship.
I wouldn't say it's weird, so much as I'm wondering if it's a sign that something's not right? It doesn't sound like you guys are in a long distance relationship and it sounds like there are just other things he's doing instead of spending time with you. It also sounds like you feel like he's not making much of an effort to see you and that is frustrating to you. I honestly think that if you're not long distance than you should be seeing each other more than once a week. Go to the gym together, if that's what it takes. But if I were you I'd sit down with him and have a serious chat. It doesn't sound like your needs are being met and it doesn't sound like he's making too much of an effort to spend time with you (which would be a red flag to me).
Honestly my first thought is he is pulling away from you and living his own separate life. We all have busy lives with work, kids, school, etc but when it all boils down we make time for our other half. It doesn't sound like he is making that attempt.
We were in LDR for 3 years, and only saw each other once a week as well. However, it sounds like you guys are in the same town, and if that's the case, only seeing him 1 a week wouldn't fly for me. You mentioned you used to see him more often, could you ask him what changed? It also sounds like you only see each other when it is convenient for him, and that would bother me. I agree with pp that you should talk to him about how you feel and why he is content with seeing you only once a week. Be prepared for whatever answer he gives; I hope it works out.
How far apart do you guys live? If you live in the same city then yes, I think its weird. And by once a week do you mean one night a week or do you mean like you spend weekends together? I can't have an opinion on it until I know those things.
If you are in the same city, this is very weird. My FI lives an hour away from me and we still both see each other 3-4 times a week!
There is definitely an underlying reason for this. It is not "I am tired from gym, cooking, grocery shopping, doing chores, etc." It's far from that. You have to find out what it is. Then report back to us your findings if you want to talk about it.
Unfortunately from experience I can say that seeing each other once a week is not enough to sustain a connection. Later, when I was in a long distance relationship and could not see each other more than once every 2 weeks, we made a conscious decision to talk on the phone for at least a few minutes every night even though neither of us are big phone-talkers. It's easy to drift apart when you are not actively part of each other's daily life.
I do wonder why you are not staying over at each other's place even on nights when your schedules otherwise don't match up?
I don't know if this is similiar to your situation. FI and I will hit our 4 year mark in May. We live 30 minutes apart. During the first couple years I was finishing my bachelor's degree and driving an hour opposite his direction to finish school. We only saw eachother on Saturdays, sometimes every other Saturday depending on how much homework I had. Currently he is finishing school and works nights while I have since graduated and started working 12 hour days. We get to see eachother once maybe twice a week. Now that we are engaged I have decided that I'm ready to take the next step and we are moving in together in a few weeks. I'll admit it was hard those first few years for both of us. I hope things work out for you.
I've been reading 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and it's such an eye opener. Basically people communicate love in different ways and also need different types of love to be expressed towards them. So it's important to understand what your partner needs to feel loved. One of the languages listed is quality time. Some people genuinely need it more than others so if you're not getting enough of it, he may not realise that automatically because it may not be his primary love language. It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. You need to tell him what you need, and also ask him what he needs.
I think it depends on it being weird. Like other PP's have said that it might be something that could be wrong with your relationship. But if everything seems okay with you guys then I wouldn't say anything is weird. I know what you mean about wanting to see him and be with him and how hard it is. If I were you, I would just talk to him and tell him how you feel. There's nothing more helpful in a relationship than talking to one another. Getting your feelings and thoughts out there could help immensely.
Basically everyone works 5 days a week. We all have lives outside of work. And we pretty much all see our SOs way more than once a week. When my husband and I were dating and not living together, we saw each other 4-5 times a week. I would have gone through major withdrawl if we'd only seen each other once a week. We wanted each other too badly to cut it down to that inoften. I'd talk with him about why this is happening. Is the interest waning?
Me and my FI started out living over 100 miles apart – and I still went out there on weeknights and he would come to see me. I had a 105 mile drive to work if I stayed with him, but I still did it, and he still drove to see me. He and I moved extremely fast though – we moved in together very quickly. After about 4 months, we both decided to give it 100% and we moved in together. Either it was going to work great or fail epically, but we would find out quickly what it would be! He is my best friend in the entire world, and honestly I haven’t gone more than two nights in a row without seeing him since we first met and we have spoken every single day since then. We have a slightly odd relationship though – we are that sickening couple that does everything together and doesn’t really go have “girl time” or “guy time”. We do every now and then, but he leaves for work at 5:30 am and doesn’t get home until around 6 PM, and I get home around 6 PM, so we only have a couple hours at night together and the weekends, and we spend all our time we can together, even after this long. I can’t imagine not seeing him for one day, let alone a whole week. It sounds like your man may not be as in to it as you are (I am not trying to be mean, promise!!!!) and I think you may need to do some re-evaluating. Hoping the best for you!
hey guys ! thank you soo much for your replys! I took everythin you guys said in and and it seems that its only weird if its wierd to me. You guys gave me all different advice dpending on your realtionship. Over all i do think its weird but maybe i should tell you more about it so you understand the whole situation.
when hes not with me hes either at work on an errand gym or sleeping, & no i do not want to go to the gym with him i dont like the gym. Alsob he does not see his freinds alot or pick them over me. He always textes me that he missis me and how he gets butterflies everytime he picks me up or we go out still. Over all hes the more mushhy one whos always all over me and saying stuff like that. I know he loves me and all that hoo ha but like kimmy13 said he might not show me the love langue i speak :(, i should proably get that book. I dont want to say right out " make more time to see me ! " i just cant, if he wants to see me more he would make the time, jus as i would if i were the guy in the realationship.
Right now im distancing myself from him. When he askes me to go out im going to decline and say i have other things planned and i will stop answering his texts super fast. Im focusing on myself.
if you guys have any other sugguestions please let me know.
xoxox 
I think it's a little strange. I also think it's strange that its uncomfortable for you to communicate what you need out of the relationship. If you have been together for so long, you would think asking to see him more would be reasonable. However, based on your last statement about pulling away, perhaps you feel as though this relationship isn't working for you anymore too?
His words mean nothing to me. I have a friend who cheated on his gf for 3 years and he always said stuff like that to her. They are now married, but all of us know he had sex with half of the girls in our friend group. The wedding had lots of whispering. "Actions speak louder than words"
@chesseplease: I think its a bit odd also. If you really like and care for a person, you make the time to be with them. Having been in a few relationships in the past vs being with me FI, I can speak for myself, and know that feeling as I do with my FI, its all I can do, to spend like as much time as possible together. Also you said 4 years right? And he wasnt this way to start off with either, no?
@chesseplease: its really not healthy to just pull away and not talk to him. Its been 4 years, you should be able to talk to him about anything.
The whole thing sounds weird to me. Before we lived together we both worked 40-50 hours a week, went to the gym, went out with friends, etc. And we still managed to see eachother a few days a week. And we lived 2 hours apart.
@mwitter80: Its not that i dont want the relationship, i love him and im happy were i am with him. I jsut want more and i only want it from him. I am madly in love with him you have no idea. I just dont want to nag and keep getting mad when we dont see eachother anymore. He nows we should spend more time togther and all that. So i cant really do anything but pull away abit and see what happens. i really hate this though..
@chesseplease: It seems like you're just playing a head game though. "Perhaps if I do what you're doing to me, you'll want me more." I just don't understand why communicating it honestly, wouldn't get what you would want.
However, in the last comment you mentioned getting mad. Have you argued with him about it in the past with no change from him? If you're mentioning it and he's still choosing his friends over you, I think you might have a bigger issue.
i know it weird guys..i do ! im tired of talking he nows me 100% he should know what to do i shudent say anything anymore, if things dont get better i dont think im going to go through with an engagment in two months! X\ we need more time to see if this is what we really want or if this is whats best.
@chesseplease: Just a tip ... my fiance worked 5 days a week full time and went to the gym 3x a week. He still made it a priority to see me 3-4 times a week. If he can do that, then... well...
I just don't think he's that into you, sorry. =(
Edit: This was also when we were dating and didn't live together, either.
@Ahone:yea....im really starting to think hard and realize the big picture. i mean he shows me he loves me, he takes care of me very good, hes always talking about how he cant wait tyll were engaged and married, like i dont understand ...i really dont. know im thinking if we should take a break and see what life has in store for us, but knowing him he does not even consider the word break as a real word.
soooooo confusing he is !
I don't think it's weird, but it sucks -- been there, done that. : / We're going into a LDR for 16 months, and I am NOT looking forward to it. : (
Actions speak louder than words. One of my past BFs was always saying the most wonderful things to me. About how he missed me, loved spending time with me, I was so wonderful, etc. etc. Turned out he was cheating on me. Now I'm not saying that's the case in your situation but words don't mean much if there's no actions that go with them.
I still don't understand why you can't TELL him what you want. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with the guy you have to be able to communicate your needs. Otherwise, you are in for a very rocky marriage because marriage is all about communication. Seriously. You not telling him what you need and distancing yourself from him in hopes he'll just figure it out is fruitless. He's not a mind reader and you need to tell him what you're thinking instead of expecting him to figure it out and then punishing him (by distancing yourself) when he doesn't read your mind.
I don't think you should just pull back and hope that he reacts. Males don't tend to read between the lines as well as females. I think it's better to be honest and talk to him about it. Don't do it in a nagging way but make sure he knows it's a serious thing for you. Maybe ask him to explain why in his mind you're not spending more time together. What would it take to be able to spend more time together? Is he looking forward to seeing you every day once you're married? It is true that words can be meaningless without actions, but you need to let him know that you personally need more than words. It sounds to me like his primary love language could be words of affirmation (We often do to others what we would like them to do to us).
I'm a words of affirmation girl, and for a long time my SO and I were only seeing each other once or twice on the weekends. My SO is very good at saying the right things to make me feel loved, so in my mind, I was pretty content. I love spending time with him but a LOT of time together isn't the thing I need the most. I was also telling him all the time how much I missed him, and I really did mean it. But he had to sit me down one day and explain how unhappy he was. He felt like I had broken it off with him but just hadn't told him yet. I was soooo confused because I was always telling him I loved him and wanted to marry him. But I wasn't showing him that I loved him, in the way he most needed it (quality time). So I've had to make a conscious effort to see him more often. And it has made the biggest difference. I felt like I was happy before but now I can honestly see that I'm making him happy as well. So the 5 love languages book has helped open my eyes (I would definitely recommend it) but I didn't start reading that until just recently. What changed our relationship for the better was my SO's honesty in telling me why he was unhappy.
I don't know your SO or relationship at all, but it would be a shame to throw away a 4 year relationship if this is something you can work through and have an amazing future together.
Ok I really think every couple is different. I do not think there is a "right" amount of time that you are supposed to spend with each other. Personally I only see my BF one or two days out of the week. We have our reasons why and it works for us. I think the only thing I can say to you is that if it is not enough time for YOU or if you think its a sign that something is not right with the relationship than you should address it with your SO. I also would like to add that I dont think that it matters how long you have been together, life situations, schedules change and you work with the situation at hand. Bottom line? Talk to him. Let him know your concerns and see if you guys cant work out something where you feel like you are getting what you need and want as far as time is concerned and he can still keep up with his life responsibilities. Find a nice medium if possible. Good luck and remember communication is key :)
hwy guys ! thnk you guys again for your help, and you guys talked me into talking to him about this. i want to do it as soon as possible , but dont no if we can meet soon?, should i do it on text or phone call? or do you guys think face to face will make a huge difference ? ...i hate that we cant even see each other when ever we want.
and for all the bees that askwhy dont he just come over my house and vice versa, it is becuase we cant, if were not engaged were not allowed in each others house ...yea..
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