(Closed) Is it weird that me and my SO of 4 years see each other only once a week ?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I only see FI once a week from now until June. He’s studying for a big credentialed exam 🙁 It stinks but I want him to pass because I know how happy it will make him!

Do you guys at least talk on the phone every night? Sometimes one partner needs more “face time” than the other. If you have to, schedule a time to talk about this with him. He should be open to making changes if need be. You definitely have to make sure you’re getting what you need to nourish your relationship!

Post # 4
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hmmm ok honestly I do think it’s a little odd.  Do you ever spend the night at each other’s house?  Even 30 minutes together before bed makes a huge difference.  Before FI and I moved in together we would spend about 6 nights a week together, (even though he worked and i was in law school).  Just coming home to each other was enough to make us feel connected.

Post # 5
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

well i see mine for 2 days a week and its been three years and live together for 2 now. he away for work and sometimes i go with him for 3days but on average its 2 days and sometimes im working when hes finally home 🙁 but have the chance i think its kinda odd considering you are apart for other reasons then distance related.

Post # 6
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Me and my FI don’t live together and it depends on my work schedule how many times a week we see each other. He has a set schedule so he’s gone from 5:30am to 6pm throughout the week and with me going to school and working whatever shifts they give me (usually something like 4-11:30 or 2-10 and a ton of weekends) we hardly ever spend time together during the week. If I don’t work til like noon or later on a Saturday or Sunday he’ll come over whenever I get off work (again usually around midnight when all is said and done) and the only time we’ll really get to spend together we’re asleep but to me that makes all the difference in the world.

If anything I would try to explain to him that you miss him or want to see him more. My FI is a great stress reliever to me even if we just grab some dinner or a phone call before bed on a really bad day. Maybe if you let him know that even just hearing from him makes you feel better you could start with that and work your way into a better schedule. I know how hard it is with both people working and one going to school at the same time it just feels like theres so much going on and you’re so tired by the end of the day but communication is key.

Post # 7
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah we used to hardly see eachother for a while because he lived fourty minutes away and we were both in school full time so it was about twice a week.  I established a rule we touch base on the phone every night even if it’s only two minutes because it helped me stay connected.  Just communicate your needs that aren’t being met and set boundaries.

Post # 8
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Personally I think it’s weird. I was with someone and when that happened, it was a sign that we weren’t right for each other. Once we split up, I met the man of my dreams. Obviously there was a lot to it, but I still think that if you love someone, you want to be with them. If distance isn’t an issue, something is up. Just IMHO.

Post # 9
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yes, I think its weird. Personally, I would be sad if he chose to do things that really aren’t that important over seeing me.

Post # 10
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it’s only weird if it doesn’t feel right for you.  But for me and my FI, it’s perfectly fine.  We have always lived an 1.5 hr away from each other, and we’ve been together 3 years.  He’s a professional, I’m a graduate student.  Even after we get married, we will continue seeing each other during the weekends until I graduate.  We call each other Tuesdays and Thursdays.  That may seem weird to others, but again, it works great for us because neither of us wants to live somewhere halfway in an area we don’t like, and spend $$ and time commuting.

@chesseplease, does he know how you feel?  How is it ever not the “right timing” if he doesn’t give you a chance?  I think he should at least give it a try before dismissing the idea of calling you, and say, hey, let’s hang out!

Post # 11
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It really depends on your schedules. If you want to make more of an effort, here are some more ideas- meet for lunch/dinner, get a pass at his gym and go together.. just make time to make time for each other! Make plans in advance! And most of all, tell him how you feel.

Post # 12
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have you guys discussed living with each other? I know that my FI and I had a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years and could only see each other every other weekend, as we were 5 hours from each other. That was very hard. Finally, I moved to live with him and I am always wondering why I didn’t do it alot sooner. I hate to say it, but I would say if you live in the same town, and he doesn’t feel the need to see you more than once a week after dating for 4 years, that might be a sign to move on. It just doesn’t sound like you two are on the same page. I’m sorry Frown

Post # 13
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Because you are asking for opinions I am going to be honest, yes I think it is odd. IMO I think it woud be difficult to have a serious and commited realtionship with a solid future with marriage at some stage (assuming you are on WB I assume that is what you want?) only seeing that person once a week after 4 years. I don’t want to be rude or anything at all but I dont think you and your SO are on the same page working towards the same goal (based on what you’ve told us).

I would sit down and talk to your SO about how you are feeling and what you want. Try to come to some mutual agreement where you BOTH make an effort- not just you. I wouldn’t move in together just to see each other more, I think the decision to live together is one you should make to move forward not just to fix a problem. Talk about the real reason why he isn’t (and you aren’t) making that extra effort to see each other. Give it say a month or two and if things are still the same at that time I would re-evaluate the relationship.

Post # 14
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t say it’s weird, so much as I’m wondering if it’s a sign that something’s not right? It doesn’t sound like you guys are in a long distance relationship and it sounds like there are just other things he’s doing instead of spending time with you. It also sounds like you feel like he’s not making much of an effort to see you and that is frustrating to you. I honestly think that if you’re not long distance than you should be seeing each other more than once a week. Go to the gym together, if that’s what it takes. But if I were you I’d sit down with him and have a serious chat. It doesn’t sound like your needs are being met and it doesn’t sound like he’s making too much of an effort to spend time with you (which would be a red flag to me).

Post # 15
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly my first thought is he is pulling away from you and living his own separate life. We all have busy lives with work, kids, school, etc but when it all boils down we make time for our other half. It doesn’t sound like he is making that attempt.

Post # 16
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We were in LDR for 3 years, and only saw each other once a week as well. However, it sounds like you guys are in the same town, and if that’s the case, only seeing him 1 a week wouldn’t fly for me. You mentioned you used to see him more often, could you ask him what changed? It also sounds like you only see each other when it is convenient for him, and that would bother me. I agree with pp that you should talk to him about how you feel and why he is content with seeing you only once a week. Be prepared for whatever answer he gives; I hope it works out.

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