Post # 1
Me and my SO have been together for over 4.5 years. We live together and he moved far away from his job and home to follow my dream career. We both love and commit to eachother. However, we never talked about marriage really…because he said it should be a surprise and his responsibilty to propose. That is, until about 2 month ago. I caught the waiting bug BAD and without any kind of timeline, I was left to wonder. We had a few discussions that usually ended in tears. Finally after a small argument…I know he is proposing in November. Yay…?
While Im excited, and I love him, I have this lingering feeling of guilt and worry. I wish I could know if this was his plan all along…or if me talking about us getting married a bunch and how it was important to me, our future, and my career as it would be much easier for when we move again if we were married (I get moving perks that would include him when we need to move again for my job…and he would be able to qualify for my health insurance if he had to find a new job and was left without coverage (which happened last time and has since turned into a nightmare)). How do I deal with these feelings? I know he loves me, but I dont want him to do something he doesnt want to do or isnt ready for…
Post # 3
Totally feel you. I alternate between really wanting to push and discuss and really set a timeline, and then worrying that if I say too much, when he proposes it will be because he feels he HAS to, not because he was dreaming of it, and planning it, and excited for it all of his own volition. I don’t know if there’s ever a way to truly know anyways though. For most men, I think it’s a combination of both. There’s the ‘I love this woman and one day I wanna marry her’ thoughts, as well as the ‘oh crap, she wants to get married now so I guess it’s time to jump!’ thoughts.
Post # 4
I dont think he wouldnt do it if he didnt really want to do it on some level. Its been discussed so I dont think he’s doing it just to please you, even if the timing has been moved up just to please you which is still a good thing because it means that your happiness matters to him and thats a huge plus!
Cheer up, things will work out if they are meant to be. Good luck!
Post # 5
Babe, If he is commited to you as he says and you guys are as in love as you seem then, YES he wants this. You cracked it out of him. Now you have your timeline so you should relax, lay off him and enjoy this new time.
I would sudgest try to enjoy the good in your relationship. You are almost engaged! there is a beauty to this time. Take a good look at your man. remind yourself why you want to be married to him. and know it is happening in a few weeks (Nov will be here before you know it)
get into the habbit of getting your nails done.
Post # 6
I asked my FI this before we got engaged.
His response was “No one can force me to do anything. Ever. If i choose to propose it will be because i have decided the time is right. Not because you have cried to me that i’ve hurt your feelings”
That made me feel better. HAHA especially because i cried alot in the months before our engagement
Post # 7
@awolfpaw: You know what’s funny? (Or really not? haha) I caught the impatient bug THREE days before my FI proposed to me. I had no idea he had that exact Friday in mind to pop the question!
I kinda put up a hissy fit about how I don’t want to be living together and be one of those couples who finally gets engaged after 7 years of living together. He ended up blurting out “Fine.. it’s gonna be in 2013 okay? Now you ruined the surprise..” I got even more upset because I was hoping he would ask in 2012. Long story short, by the end of the night, he ended up telling me that he only told me 2013 to throw me off track and that it was gonna happen really soon.
I felt so bad to ruin the “surprise” and throwing a hissy fit, but I just had to know!
I know totally how you feel! But I will tell you that you shouldn’t feel toooo bad. A man would probably not even mention a specific month to you to propose, if he really didn’t plan for it. Marriage is such a serious topic, particularly for men (being that they crave bachelor status).. I really don’t feel like you forced him into it..!
If anything, I would feel a teeny bit bad for ruining a surprise though..! I know I still do 😛
Post # 8
@romantical: I do feel bad for ruining the surprise….for him and for myself. When I asked about a timeline, I wanted “in the next year” or “By the end of the year”. Silly boy pretty much gave me a down to the minute report on what he was doing! But, like you said, I needed to know. We had been talking about when we would like to start looking at my jobs again and when we would like to move and I got scared knowing I would need to support us (since he would leave his job and I would be the provider) for a third time. Which is fine, I dont mind supporting us, especially when he is giving up his job for me…but it starts getting scary when you put in that much money and emotion on the line without hvaing some step into the future, you know?
@boardersarita: I like what you said here. I know he loves me, he knows he loves…but he needed a little push to go “oh crap, thats right! We want get married someday…I should move on that”. haha!