Weddingbee boards

So BF and I have been together for almost 2 years, known each other for 5. A couple things you should know - BF is 13.5 years older than me. I'm 20 and he's 33. We are not yet engaged but have gone looking at rings and have basically planned our wedding to a certain degree.

He's told me before that ideally he'd like to be no older than 38 when we have our first child. That means he basically would like to have kids no later than 5 years from now.

Currently I'm in an undergraduate degree program studying Animal Biology originally with the hopes of applying to veterinary school (all in all the total amount of schooling is 8 years). Recently though I've really changed my mind about wanting to continue with this program because I don't want to be in school for that long so I've applied to a nursing program that's in my hometown so I can also be closer to BF.

Anyways if I stay in my program it's almost not-doable for me to have kids within that amount of time. But I already decided I want to go through nursing and am just waiting back to hear whether or not I've been accepted.

The amount of schooling there normally is 4 year undergraduate degree but hopefully with my 2 years of courses I should be able to knock a year off of that.

Okay so my original question. He said he wants kids in 5 years maximum. I told him that we HAVE to be married before we have kids. I won't budge.

He said he didn't mind but if I do end up staying in my program it really really complicates things.

Is it wrong for me to say that? I'm not always traditional but that is one thing - I really want to be married FIRST.

Thanks Ryansgirl!

I mean he's not upset by it but I've read about people feeling bad about putting a timeline on things.

I kind of feel bad because if I do stay in my program it means he's going to have to wait until after I'm done.

Especially because we live 4 hours apart it would definitely NOT be doable!

@CallmeC - yeah I agree as well. He has said that it could be do-able but I really don't want to do it.

If I stick with this program we wouldn't be having kids for 8 years and that's that. He said he'd stay home with the baby and take care of everything but I don't want to miss things!

I don't want to be gone all day and come home to study. I'd become a stranger in my baby's life and I don't want that. I want to enjoy my baby.

Absolutely not wrong! What I think is wrong is you feeling like you have to tailor your life to the timeline of an SO that is so much older than you. Finishing your schooling and starting your career is important, you shouldn't rush yourself to fit in babies too, before you're comfortable or ready. And then to top it off, feeling like you should be okay with having your children out of wedlock and without commitment from your SO, just so he can have things his way. Wtf?

@MisfitPrincess:  Haha thanks! It's not that I don't feel ready to have kids - if I wasn't in school I would want them NOW haha (baby fever)

I don't think he's being unreasonable (he's been pretty flexible) but let's just say he's really happy I'm switching into Nursing (not just for the baby aspect but because we won't be LDR anymore, I won't be struggling in a competitive program and be upset constantly etc.)

Rush1986 : Thank you! I thought so too. I also don't really want to have a baby before I get settled in a job/career. I'm not sure how many employers would want to hire an obviously pregnant woman considering she'll need a year of maternity leave (in Canada)

amoret11: Haha! So true! He's brought up maybe having the baby just after I graduate which would mean getting pregnant in my last year but what about complications? What if I get so sick I can't go to my classes? Or if I get put on bedrest?! I agree with you.

Thanks everyone!

I love your responses. I definitely have stuck to my guns when we've talked about it.

If I stay in my program then he'll just have to wait 6 years.

If I switch well then that's a different story!

I agree that a five year timeline is a bit unfair to you, especially considering age and how much you still want to do before then.

On another topic, if you are waffling about your vet school dreams- reconsider. I say that with the best intentions and a good bit of experience. The 8 year plan works out for the vast minority of people, most take longer and vet school is not something to do half heartedly. Even the most enthusiastic people get burned out at some point, and those that aren't 100% sure end up miserable.

Thanks ladies :)

I don't think BF has been unreasonable about it at all. He has not set the timeline in stone, just said that he would like to not be old when we have kids. I have told him that whatever my program is we're not having kids until I'm done.

In fact BF is very supportive of me (the most of everyone, my family included) in getting a degree and a good job and everything. He really wants me to achieve what I want to achieve. So if the time came and I was eyeballs-deep in school still I don't think he'd push it.

Definitely do what you need to do!  You may end up resenting him later on.  We all have timelines at some point in life but a good chunk of the time they don't happen.  I'm 26 and still have 1.5 years left of school.  Honestly I thought I would have been married by now and maybe even have a kid....but things all work out this way for a reason.  You still have years to grow and change!  He will support you and be around if he really is the man for you!