Post # 1
I found out today that my FI’s aunt is getting married. That is good. I am happy for her. But I am a little upset about the details concerning it.
My Fiance and I have been together for over 3 years, but when we got engaged, we were fussed at us for it being “too soon”. His aunt has known the guy only a month and now they are getting married. How is that not “too soon”?
His aunt came to visit the weekend before last and asked us about our wedding plans. We told her that we were getting married on May 25, and guess what, t date she picked is 2 weeks later. Which means we will have to end our honeymoon early to be there for her wedding. She will not be at our wedding (who has time to go to a wedding 4 states away 2 weeks before your own) and none of Fiance family will want to come to our wedding (they all have to travel) because they would have to go to her wedding 2 weeks later. Sister over nephew. sister wins everytime.
Also, I am a little hurt that my Future Sister-In-Law was asked to be the flower girl. She is my flower girl, and with her being in 2 weddings back to back, it won’t be special to her. And my Future Mother-In-Law is the matron of honor, so she will be taken away from doing wedding stuff with Fiance and I.
To be honest, as I am writing this I am fighting tears. Its not right. Its almost like a slap in the face. Is it wrong of me to have my feelings hurt over this?
Post # 3
@brandybelle: Its not right. It is her second marriage. its my first (and ONLY) marriage.
That’s pretty judgy of you, I think – it’s not relevant whether it’s her first or second marriage, it deserves to be celebrated. Hopefully this is your only marriage, but hoping you don’t have to experience second marriage judgment later!
Otherwise, I see why you’re venting. You can’t help how you feel, but you can help how you act – be the bigger person. Your wedding is first, it will be special and wonderful, your flower girl will be thrilled and you Mother-In-Law will be too. It shouldn’t take anything away from your experience! I wouldn’t end my honeymoon early, but that’s up to y’all. Just concentrate on how awsome your wedding is going to be and put her concerns by the wayside 🙂
Post # 4
@MrsWrangler: You are right. That is super judgy of me. It definately came out out spite, and i have edited in my OP. I hope i never have a second marriage. I want my Fiance to be the one forever and always. But if things are outside of my control, there is nothing I can do.
Post # 5
I would be much more upset if it was two weeks before. Everyone knows you were planning yours first and the flower girl is going to be more excited for your wedding because it is the first one! I am sure the weddings will be very different from one another and your Future Mother-In-Law is going to be more excited about your wedding too because her son is getting married. That trumps sisters wedding 😉
Honestly unless you really want to be there, you should not end your honeymoon early. You had plans and she knew that when she planned her wedding. That may have been the only date that worked for her so I am sure she will understand if you can not make it.
Post # 6
I would be upset too.. As much as people are going to say like, no, the world doesn’t revolve around you, this is none of your concern, yadda yadda. They would be upset too if this happened, and if all their FI’s side couldn’t make it to their wedding, stuff like that.
Like my Mom as going to get married a month before me. It was her forth wedding. This is going to be my first. I was happy for my Mom, but I begged her to have it some other time, like a year in advance, or later. And she agreed! Happily! But then they broke up.. haha, so I guess it didn’t end well.
But all in all, I was upset, EVEN if I knew I shouldn’t have been. It’s okay to be emotional about this and feel a little let down. I’m not saying ask her to change her date or anything, but it’s okay to be upset about this for a time. But you can’t like this bring you down for your entire planning process. This is a happy time! Think of all the other people who are going to make it, like your side and all your friends together as a couple! And think, smaller guest list means less people to feed! 🙂 Be happy! Don’t let this be a big grey cloud in your wedding planning process. You and your Fiance have each other. Even if nobody made it to the wedding, it would be you and him at the end, and the start of your happy lives together! 🙂 Yay love!!!!
Also, if she can’t make it to your wedding, why should you have to make it to hers? Don’t cut your honey moon short for that! You only get one of those!!! 🙂
Post # 7
So second marriages are not/should not be as important? I feel hurt since I just had my second marriage, now I know how people really feel.
What if your spouse dies? What if he turns into an abusive jerk after marriage?
I do not thnk you have to leave your Honeymoon early at all. Afterall you had that time set aside for that? Just send a card and or gift (optional as with all weddings) and wish her well. There could be a chance that she moves the date. I mean it’s still so far away. Maybe she’ll realize there needs to be a little more gap if she wants similar guests to show up at hers. Maybe she’s just having immediate family, who knows.
At one point I had two sisters that were getting married 3 weeks apart. Yes, that was two flights, two hotels, two BMs dresses, two gifts. But for sisters you do that. Other people it’s not as required. One didn’t go through with the wedding. There’s still time, lots could happen.
Post # 8
@brandybelle: I personally would not cut your honeymoon short. It’s not fair to you. I’m sorry but your aunt should have considered how family was going to accomidate both weddings.
Send your decline RSVP and a gift. If you get flack, Iwould tell them you’ve already made your honeymoon plans and nothing can change.
Post # 9
i get feeling initially upset, but take a step back… are all these concerns you have about her wedding confirmed issues or just assumptions?
– do you even know what type of wedding FI’s aunt will be having? maybe its going to be incredibly low key and have a significantly smaller guest list than yours so those out of town people wont even be invited?
– did the aunt ever SAY she will not be able to go to your wedding since she will have to deal with her own? i know multiple people (as in 4 different couples) who attended weddings within 3 weeks of their own. including one couple who attended a friday wedding when theirs was on sunday.
-have you already booked your honeymoon? if so and the the aunt has not already booked a venue for the wedding, can’t you just point out to her that you’ll still be away then and you’d love to be there if she pushed it back a week or 2?
– does Fiance desperately want to go to this wedding? if not, and your Honeymoon is all set, then ohwell. you miss it. if he does and she has already booked, and you havent, can’t you just go on your Honeymoon 2 weeks later?
– did your Future Mother-In-Law say that she will be unable to help you with your wedding since she is Maid/Matron of Honor in her sister’s wedding? my guess is that being Maid/Matron of Honor in your adult sister’s 2nd wedding is probably not as time intensive as being Maid/Matron of Honor in your wedding (or mine for that matter). most 2nd time brides have showers that are much more low key, and the bride at this stage probably doesnt need as much help with the planning. she’s been through it before.
-did your flower girl say anything about not being excited about being a flower girl since she gets to do it twice? i cant see any little girl i know not being super pumped to get to wear not 1 but 2 awesome twirly dresses…
Post # 10
I wouldn’t leave my honeymoon early for it. I can understand feeling somekind of way because she made comments about your relationship and timing. But other than that, you will need to try you best to concentrate on the things that are within your control. I mean at least its after you wedding and not before.
Post # 11
Post # 12
I agree, I wouldn’t leave my honeymoon early. I think her wedding is just as special as hers and deserves to be celebrated equally, but you’ll be on your honeymoon so you won’t be able to make it.
Post # 13
You and your future husband shouldn’t have to cut your honeymoon short just because she’s getting married- that’s not fair. I would still go on whatever Honeymoon you were initially planning
Post # 14
@bostongirl27: Those are great points! I agree!
Post # 15
I never think it’s “wrong” to feel one way because it’s difficult to control your feelings. However, the feelings are being led by emotions regarding weddings. It is not completely unbiased because it’s regarding your own wedding. You don’t have to attend her wedding. Go on with your honeymoon and don’t worry about her wedding.
Post # 16
I think it was pretty rude of her to decide her wedding date without finding out if it would interfere with your plans…Well I don’t know if “rude” is even the right word. I’ll just say that if *I* were the aunt, I would have made sure NOT to interfere with my nephew’s wedding. Since she didn’t, at this point there’s not much you can do. If I were you I would just go about my business and try not to let it bother you.
I would not cut my honeymoon short.
I would not worry that people won’t travel two weeks before another wedding. I’m assuming they all live by the aunt? I think they will travel if they really want to be at both weddings. I don’t take two week long trips when I go visit people in another state unless it is a planned vacation. Unless people have already told you for sure that they were not going to be able to make yours, I wouldn’t worry (yet).