(Closed) Is it wrong for me to decline this invitation?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Is it wrong of me to not go?
    No, you already went to the dinner before and met her family : (30 votes)
    46 %
    Yes, you should go because of your brother : (30 votes)
    46 %
    It depends (please explain) : (5 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee

    Hmmmmm……I dunno. I guess most of the people I know get together with their in laws’ families before AND after the wedding. I mean, I imagine that eventually, your bro and fiancee will have a baby, and you guys will all be one big happy family. 

    They probably are just having a friendly get together, and consider you and your family to be friends. 

    Is there a reason you want to avoid it?

    Post # 5
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    Personally, I wouldn’t go if you don’t want to. I think my sister’s mother in law is super nice and really like her- but I don’t want to go over for dinner all the time, I have my own life (I do like seeing her in laws every now again though, they’re great)

    Post # 6
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Shirinjoon: If you don’t spend time with them, you will never get close to them.

    Do you legitimately have plans? Or did you make plans to avoid this.

    If you were my sister and didn’t want to meet my new in laws I would be really insulted, especially if we were close.

    All weddings are blending of families and it sounds like they are trying hard. I don’t understand why you’d be so against meeting your brother’s new in-laws if you care about your brother.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Shirinjoon: How will you get close to them if you don’t spend time with them? I wouldn’t go every two weeks (that does seem excessive), but I would make an effort to go and get to know them. Espeically if you are close to your brother. Wouldn’t you want him to do the same for you?

    Post # 11
    Member
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Shirinjoon:If you don’t want to, don’t go.  It isn’t REQUIRED you be close to your brother’s in-laws.  I’m sure they’ll be at functions your brother and SIL have, but so what? They aren’t YOUR in-laws.  You’ll have plenty of chances to get to know them and decide if you want to be around them more or not at THOSE functions.

    Personally, I didn’t really start liking my brother’s MIL until, I guess, after my son was born which was 8 years ago and a couple years AFTER they were married!!! I KINDA liked her after a problem with my SIL when she was in high school with me (prior marrying my brother), but it didn’t really kick in until AFTER they got married.  Now, I adore his MIL (who’s hubby had an anorism burst several years ago and is now in a nursing home) and so do my two kids.  They see her as another grandmother (well, she kinda IS, since she’s grandma to my nephews).  HOWEVER, I still don’t like my SIL 😉 and my brother’s MIL doesn’t even CARE!!! She understands and, I guess, figures it’s between us. 🙂

    So, it’s always possible you’ll end up liking your brother’s in-laws, or even SIL, later after getting to know them better.  Maybe not.  (My brother STILL hasn’t met my in-laws yet.  And I know  he’s not going to like them even when he DOES.) 

    I wouldn’t worry about hanging out with the family.  I would go to them every once in a while so they don’t start annoying your brother about it.  Heck, ask them if you can bring your FI.  (Besides, if they’re paying, what’s wrong with a free meal for you two? 😉 I know, I know, baaad, lol)

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    9825 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Honestly, you sound completely disinterested in maintaining a relationship with your brother and his future wife, so if you feel it would be fake, by all means don’t go. Why not just thank them for being gracious and inviting you and try to hide the fact that you consider it such a chore.

    Post # 13
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think you’ve made it clear you don’t want to go. Then just don’t go. But you seem to want others to “side” with you. And frankly, it just seems like a nice invitation and it’s would support your brother and parents by being there. So go or don’t go.

    Post # 14
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I know how you feel. I was/am in the EXACT situation. I met my SIL’s family when they were engaged. And every since they’ve been inviting our family over for get togethers, because “we’re all family now”. But I don’t share that belief. Maybe its selfish but I avoid it because I’m too busy and honestly don’t enough time to see my friends and family. Its hard to make time for people who aren’t either friends or family, and you wouldn’t hang out with otherwise.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Do I remember it right that you aren’t crazy about your FSIL?  Is that part of why you don’t want to go? Technically, you could go to the dinner and then excuse yourself earlier and meet up with your SO.

    I would go, even if that is not what you feel like. They will be in your life for the long run. Getting to know them better might help you to feel better about your FSIL.

    Sorry if I’m confusing you with somebody and my post is irrelevant.

    Post # 16
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee

    Ohhhhhkay…..so you are not super close to your bro and don’t like SIL……see, if we had known that was the thought process from the beginning, it would be much easier to decipher than assuming you just didn’t want to go for no real reason in particular.

    They seem like they are just trying to be friendly…..if you don’t want to go, don’t go. But, don’t make it seem like they are in the wrong for inviting you to dinner too soon. 

     

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