Post # 1
My little sister is having a wedding ceremony and reception next month.
She already got married last year because her fiance is in the military and they were moving him across the country and they (her and her kids) wanted to keep the family together.
My fiance of over 6 years just informed me yesterday he will not be coming with me, even though I am a bridesmaid AND will possibly be djing the reception, due to him using all his off days to be with me while I was hopitalized 3 months ago.
Granted, I almost lost my life. . .however he knew about the wedding before I got sick and took myself to the ER.
He has said some snarky comments like, “I was at her first one.” “Not like it’s actually going to happen.” “Let’s see how long this one lasts.” These comments have been said since I showed him the invitation.
Yes, this IS my sister’s 2nd marriage. However my fiance’s parents got divorced and remarried and showed up at their remarried events. . .so who is he to judge someone else from doing the same?
Her first wedding, I could not afford the bridesmaids dress, shipping or alterations so I was not the bridesmaid at her first wedding. My fiance was the DJ and I was the MC at the reception.
Also, my little sister is picking out bridemaid dresses that are too revealing for my taste (not my wedding so not my choice) AND is getting married in a city I am unfamiliar with so I really wanted him to be with me, especially since I will be in a revealing dress in a strange town several hours away from home.
Should I be upset with him for not attending my sister’s wedding events with me next month?
P.S. I have expressed these concerns and feelings to my fiance before I got his final answer.
Post # 3
His snarky comments are uncalled for, but if he used up all his days off what do you expect him to do? Many jobs you get a set number of vacation days, and once they’re gone that’s it.
Post # 4
hhmmmm. i think if he has used all of his leave to be with you when you were sick, thats a valid reason. it sucks he wont be able to come (and his snarky comments are unnecessary) but he was at the first wedding, and now he doesnt seem to have much choice since he has no leave left. its just one of those sucky things in life but i dont think you should make him feel worse about it TBH
Post # 5
i would be upset too, but if he cannot get the time off, it isn’t his fault 🙁 Will you have other family there?
Post # 6
@soontobemrsmix: His comments are out of line and I would be upset with him for that. However, if he doesn’t have the days off, he can’t go, period. Yes, he already knew about it but let’s say he scheduled the day off to be at the wedding but then you were in the hospital… should he have NOT been there with you one day so he didn’t use up his day off?
I sat at my sister’s bedside while she was in a coma for 10 days…. if she then got pissed at me for not having the days off to do something important with her later I’d think she lost her mind.
Post # 7
It’s one thing if he doesn’t have the time to take off work to go. I suppose there’s not much you can do about that, but he should have planned for it.
The real issue here is that he is super judgmental and rude. Does he have no empathy for others? Does he not want your sister to provide a nice home for her family? What the hell is up with his attitude? I hate when people act all high and mighty. She is your sister for god’s sake.
Post # 8
@soontobemrsmix: Being that when my own grandmother dies (which will be sometime soon) and I know that I can’t afford to take days off work and have no way to get to see her before she dies or go to her funeral, I’m gonna say that he has a vaid excuse. Some things just can’t be done. It’s not fair to expect him to make himself look bad at work trying to take more days off just to attend a 2nd wedding in a year. If I were him I would also have a little trouble taking this situation seriously. BTW I’m on my 2nd wedding, so I’m not saying 2nd weddings aren’t as important as 1st weddings, just that she just got married last year and divorced and is now remarrying? Come on. And now you’re mad at him for not bending over backwards for your sister. Give the guy a break. And the revealing dress issue should be directed at your sister.
Post # 9
Yeah. I would not be so upset with him if he did not make some of those comments
BEFORE I ever went to the ER.
I am more sadden than angry at the fact that my hospitalzation is the excuse that he
Post # 10
@soontobemrsmix: His comments were out of line, but if he used up all his days how do you expect him to take time off? I supposed he can’t see the justification in taking days off, especially if he can still have them off but without pay.
Post # 11
You shouldn’t be mad at him.. if he DID us up all his vacation days with YOU…. why would this be an issue??
Unless you want him to quit and attend the wedding and you’re willing to care for him financially if he doesnt have a job.. then OK
Post # 12
His comments are definitely rude, is there not more to the story or to the conversation they come from? However, I guess I agree with him a little bit – if she already married her husband last year then they’re married and I am of the school of thought that you don’t get to elope/do a courthouse wedding and THEN have the big party down the road, just my opinion of course.
But really, no matter what he or I thinks about her marriage, if he doesn’t have vacation time what do you want him to do? Quit his job? Risk being fired? I really don’t understand your position here.
Post # 13
Her first marriage was 6-7 year ago.
She second marriage was last year in court. . .nobody was invited so he did not miss work or even attend the actual second one. My little sister is just not telling anyone they already got married (eloped at a court house) and is pretending next month’s wedding and reception is the actual real thing.
Post # 14
I can see his side.
Plus you can’t get water from a stone- if he has used up his days, he has used them up!
If they are already legally married then this is just a party he is missing essentally, which is not a big deal.
Post # 15
@soontobemrsmix: Your hospitalization isn’t an “excuse”, it’s the reason he can’t go. I mean, I get if you’re feeling a little guilty or whatever that something that happened to you caused him to not be able to go to your sister’s wedding, but you shouldn’t feel bad about it and neither should he. He took the time off for the most important thing- supporting you at a critical time. You’re an adult and you can figure out how to be in an unfamiliar city on your own. You can’t get mad at him for not having any more time off. He didn’t plan for you to get sick.
Post # 16
His comments are uncalled for, but if he has no more time off, he has no more time off. He can’t just magically get more.