Is it wrong that I want to wait to have kids??

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

Just to give you an idea of how absurd people can be about this subject and how little you should listen to them, I’m 23 and some people preassure ME to have kids. People exaggerate the dangers of having children later in life (and 30 isn’t late for god’s sake). My mother had me when she was 35 and my brother when she was 40 and we turned out fine. We grew up in a loving enviroment, because she was READY. Also, we live in the 21st century, of course you will be able to have healthy children when you are 30!! Μy great-grandmother had her first child when she was 34 and had 5 healthy children. And there was no freakin’ doctor around. Chill out.

Post # 3
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Because unforunately today’s society still values a woman’s worth by having kids. 

Have kids if and when you feel ready for them or don’t have any at all. Next time someone says something say something equally as rude back like “So when are you going to stop having kids already”.

Post # 4
Member
7755 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You need to tell them all to STFU. They are just plain lying that you can’t have a healthy baby past 30… That’s literally nonsense. I would shut the commenters down. All of your reasons sound totally valid and Im not jonesing for a baby for a few years either.

when are you going to have a baby? “We’re in no rush”

you can’t have a healthy baby later “that’s nonsense. Literally nonsense” 

Post # 5
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh I know all about that…. :S It’s even worse when you’re TTC and people are telling you to ”get on and have children” as if you weren’t trying to already.. Some people seem to think that it’s a question of just snapping your fingers and suddenly being 5 months pregnant..

Post # 6
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

futureluckymrs:  I’m 29 and right there with you! I couldn’t imagine having kids myself any younger than 30…I see myself being a mother one day but value financial security and stability and don’t want to make life that much harder by racing into it just because “I can.” I know I’ll be able to enjoy my children a million times more without the added stress from lack of finances. “Over prepare and then go with the flow.”

Post # 7
Member
784 posts
Busy bee

Keep strong! I completely understand!! My parents were older (mid 30s) when they had me, which was rare for the time, and I love it. They also were able to travel so much and solidify their friendship and are still the happiest couple I know. We were able to become really close and they had the time and patience for me! It’s great. And now they seem so young for their age compared to friends with older kids. I am such a pro-wait type of person.

I’ve hypothesized that people want you to have kids because either they want to play with them (grandparents, aunts) or thats what they did and it worked for them. I am not sure if you’re asking for advice on how to divert questions, but you could maybe say something like “We’re really enjoying our time together, and want to make sure we’d have the patience to devote to someone else. This is a decision we are taking very seriously”. Not that you owe anybody and explanation, but maybe they’d back off of you over-emphasized the WE ARE GETTING TO IT!! part lol

Post # 8
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

futureluckymrs:  I agree with PP that is’s absolutely insane that people are preassuring you. I can tell yuo that I was far from ready to have kids at 27. My DH and I are now expecting out first child and I am 35 and he is 40. We got pregnant stright away and I have had no complications at all, so far our little bub is as healthy as can be and am now 10 weeks away from giving birth. I have several friends who has had their first at 38 and had very healthy babies – heck here in London, UK (and in many large cities in Europe) most women coming in to give birth to their first child is in their 40’s these days!

Also, it is worth noting that the data they have built the “womens fertility drops at 35” on is from the 1800 as, since contraception was introduced, they can’t get a fully accurate read on how fertile women are these days as most of us are on the pill until we decide to TTC. So, personally I think it’s a horrible way of stressing women out for no real reason. 

 

Post # 9
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

I am 25; I’m getting similar pressure from friends and family. I also don’t want kids for the next 5 years or so. They’re not even on my radar right now. Friends and family think that I should be baby crazy now that I’m married and I’m not at all. Just ignore it. People can be assholes. 

Post # 11
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I might be a little on the far side of the spectrum. Husband and I are 25, dated for 5 years and just got married two months ago. I’ve been ready for a few months to have children but we’ve decided to wait a few years. Everytime I bring the subject up around my mom that I’m ready, she keeps telling me to wait… Somewhat makes me feel like SHE isn’t ready to be a grandma but oh well! You ultimately have to do whats right for you and your husband! 

Post # 12
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think automatically after marrieg people start to pressure.  Ignore them and enjoy your first year or so of marriage. 

Post # 13
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

futureluckymrs:  I totally understand. You have to brush it off and move on. The more you have it together, the better mom you’ll be. Don’t worry about having kids until you are ready. 

Post # 14
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - The Boatshed Restaurant

Nothing wrong with waiting to be ready! In fact, it’s the most responsible thing to be doing IMO

As you get older, it does become harder to conceive…but an obstetrician’s version of ‘older’ is generally 36+. The risk of Downs syndrome increases with age, under 34 years it’s a steady increase…it’s then a steeper incline over 34 years. These are good areas to be aware of, but as a source of information rather than worry.

Pregnancy in general though can be associated with a number of problems, not necessarily linked to maternal age…I’m sure a woman of 22 could have had a similar outcome as your Mom and sister. That seems more like an unfortunate series of events, rather than linked to maternal age.

If I start getting quizzed on when I’m having children after I get married, I might have a hard time ignoring the probing that follows when I say “not yet”. I’ve been at university for eight years, with one more to go. After then, I’ll have another two as a junior doctor before I can apply for anaesthetics training…by that stage I’ll be 29. Only once I’m in, would I consider getting pregnant. Plus before I bring another person into this world, I’d like to be established in my own home and feel psychologically ready…which I am not at the moment.

With more women achieving higher education qualifications, it’s natural to expect that women will have children later than they have previously. I am also a personal fan of the idea of a house husband…of which FI is incredible at. Yay!

Post # 15
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Try telling people you don’t want any children at all. They will look at you like you kicked a puppy.

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