Post # 1
So here is my dilemma: I am inviting one of my closest friends to my wedding and she has 3 young, active/crazy kiddos. She is the only friend that I’m inviting that has kids. All of our other friends that have families, we decided to not invite them because 1) they live too far away 2) they’re military so plans are always changing 3) we don’t talk as much as we used to 4) we didn’t want little kiddos at the wedding. Besides the point, we really don’t want her kiddos to come to the wedding because I know they’re going to be a handful and her and her husband would not be able to enjoy the night. Another reason why we don’t want the kiddos to come is because our guest list is already so tight and we haven’t been able to invite everyone we want to. If I was to take out her 3 kids, we could add 3 more family members/family friends.
I’m not sure if it’s going to be rude/wrong if I ask her this because we do have family bringing their kids. However, their kids are older and in my opinion, not as rowdy and crazy like hers. There will probably be about 3-4 kids from our family under the age of 5 that will be coming so I’m not sure if she will be mad that my family has invited other families with kids.
Let me know what I should do or how I should present this to her!
Post # 2
Its perfectly find not to invite her kids. Just address the invitation to her and her husband. Are they traveling a long distance or some other factor that would make you think they would want to bring their kids?
Post # 3
I don’t think you can ask her not to bring her kids, and allow other children under the age of 13 there. Over that age, most people will understand that they are teenagers and can handle themselves. I am not one to care about etiquette and technicalities, I just think this would be downright rude. Either have a no kids rule no exceptions or deal with her kids there.
Post # 4
u can just invite her and her husband and saying only children of close family are coming! We did this! Just had my nephew and god daughter as flower girl and page boy and no other kids! x
Post # 5
Just let her know the event is Adults only other than immediate family…
Post # 6
jennayhoang: It’s fine to not invite them. If it comes up as an issue, just tell her you are not inviting non-family children due to space constraints. That is a perfectly legitimate line to draw.
Post # 7
I’m all for adult-only weddings; however, it sounds like you just want to exclude her kids only, which might not go over very well. How far down the line are you going with “family kids?” I’ve read that a lot of weddings include family kids, but it seems silly to me, for example, for some people to exclude their best friend’s kids, that they see all the time, but invite their 2nd cousin’s kids, whom they’ve never met, just because they’re family. I think if you only invite (if there are any?) – your younger siblings, your children, godchildren, and nieces/nephews, you’ll be fine.
My 1st daughter to marry had a strict cut-off of 21+, except for her honorary little sister (16.5), who was a bridesmaid. Therefore, 8 of 14 of the bride and groom’s first cousins weren’t invited. There was plenty of grumbling, but no one offered to pay for their plates (the full adult-rate, btw), so they weren’t invited. Of course we got the biggest stink out of the family where she’s met the younger 1st cousin only twice…argh!
Post # 8
jennayhoang: How closely related are the family members bringing children? We have a small venue with limited seating and we are having children of immeadiate family and bridal party only. We have spoken personally to our friends with children and explained the situation in advance of sending out invitations, it has not been a problem.
Post # 9
Thank you everyone for your input, this really helps! Most of the kids that we are inviting are immediate family. The only two kids who are not family are my ring bearer and flower girl. The only reason why I didn’t ask my nephews to be part of the wedding is because they’re still too young. Our ring bearer and flower girl are our neighbors and we’ve been close to them for almost a decade.
Post # 10
jennayhoang: Is she local and the family isn’t? That would be a good excuse if she ever asked why her children weren’t invited and others were.
I think it’s kind of a shame to lie because the honest answer to the question is that her children are ill-behaved and these other children aren’t. It’s too bad we aren’t able to say things like that these days, I think 50 years ago if a kid was running amuk the parents took care of it, and if they didn’t they were kind of shamed by other people. Now little Jimmy is just expressing himself…by running in circles screaming his head off. *This coming from someone who isn’t a parent so I’ll concede I don’t understand the difficulty. But I do know if my children happen to be hell-raisers despite all my best efforts I won’t be taking them to weddings, restaurants, or movie theaters until they learn to behave appropriately.
ETA: It sounds like from your update you have a perfectly fine excuse, only children of close family are bringing children, I think you’re golden 🙂
Post # 11
It’s fine not to invite the kids, but you need to accept her potentially declining your invite graciously. especially if the couple are traveling.
Post # 12
jennayhoang: I think it’s dicey to try to pick and choose which kids are and are not invited, so we made a blanket “adults only” statement to avoid making anyone feel singled out. On our invitation, we had “adult reception to follow” printed at the bottom and on the reception card, stated “adult guests are invited to join us for dinner, drinks, and dancing at X location…..” maybe in your case you could state ” guests over the age of X are invited….”
we also addressed the envelopes by names of the adults and stated the number of seats on the response cars (“2″ seats have been reserved on your honor”) with the corresponding number of blanks to fill in the name and meal selection. This allows you to invite certain children and not others, but be prepared for potentially hurt feelings when parents show up to see other kids there when their own weren’t invited.
For us it wasn’t even a money thing, our event was not kid friendly in the slightest and frankly after observing so many parents do absolutely nothing when their kids scream, run around, or otherwise completely disrupt the experience of everyone else around them, we just didn’t want any kids there. No one complained or even asked about it for that matter, and no one brought their kids. Everyone had a blast.
Post # 13
I think you are fine with “family kids” and wedding party only. One reason to me of invites to kids in the family is that they will have more “watchers” — like grandmas, aunts, etcs so if mom and dad dance, they are other there for junior. It is also easier to arrange seating. If I get dressed up, give a nice gift, and ended up sitting at a table with a kid (or more than one), especially if not the best behaived, I would be disappointed. Of course, if my neice or nephew, I would be fine.
Post # 14
jennayhoang: I know this is what you would most like to happen:
Friend leaves kids home and has a great time at your wedding
But it might come down to one of the following. Which are you most willing to live with:
Friend brings kids and has a great time at your wedding
Friend leaves kids home and has a miserable time at your wedding
Friend and kids stay home
(edited for stupid formatting)
Post # 15
Daisy_Mae: If a friend can’t have a good time without their kid, then yeah, I think they should stay home/decline the invitation.
We’re having an adult only reception with the exception of my 3 nephews. The only other children allowed are breast-feeding newborns (my MOH is pregnant and due 3 or so months before the wedding). She also has a toddler who will not be at the wedding. We have a lot of friends with kids, and we’re happy for them, but we just want more of a party-type reception and don’t feel like we need to change what we want out of our wedding because they’re parents.