Post # 1
This is my first vent online and it’s because I think I’m really going crazy. I got engaged Xmas and my dad was superstitious about the date. So I had to pick a venue and get everything together for a May 29th wedding of this year! 🙁
Anyways, our invitations didn’t turn out the way I expected. My dad, seeing how sad I was yesterday, took me to the store today, asked them to make changes and reprint.
I didn’t want to pick out the options until we had a quote. He said, they can’t give you a quote without you finalizing all the details. So I spent a good hour to make sure that this time all the colors and stuff will match and look good with each other. (The first time, they didn’t put anything together for me. They just pointed and wrote and drew different things and they wouldn’t offer to make a sample so I could see how everything looked together.) After putting all the details together, they gave us a quote of $300.
My dad plopped down the money instantly, but I was like, “Dad, it’s 300 dollars! Let’s just stick with what we have.” He said, ‘you spent all this time choosing and took up their time. So we have to just go with it and pay.’ Then he walked out the store with me chasing after him. 🙁
I feel so crappy. I wanted to cancel the order. I mean my fiance is going to yell at me for reprinting. 🙁
So I tried to call and cancel and I could hear the people in the back saying I’m so troublesome. 🙁 Well, anyways it was too late. I know I’m indecisive but I feel like crap, especially hearing them say it.
My dad also lectured me about being too picky about my dress.
I don’t want to be indecisive but I can’t help it. I really preferred to know the price quote before I had picked out the details first and wasted their time.
It’s all done now. But still, I can’t get rid of this crappy feeling that people are annoyed by me for being indecisive. I don’t know how to feel better.
Post # 3
honestly, it sounds like you’re being pressured (almost bullied) to pick things out faster than you want to be, and it’s totally more than okay to take your time and research things and figure out what you really want. it sounds like you’re worrying about what other people, especially your dad, think, and while that’s important, it’s also important to put your own foot down and stand up for yourself.
Post # 4
i agree with finnaroo! take your time. why the rush to get married may 29, 2010 anyway? i know the date is already set and it might be too late to change though.
someone once gave me this advice about wedding decisions:
“Spend 5 minutes on it and then move on.”
I was like, WTF??? But, it makes sense on some things. Prioritize what’s most important but don’t worry about everything else being perfect.
Post # 5
I think people aren’t treating you very well and you should stand up for yourself. Yes a $300 gift is very generous but if it only comes with making you feel like crap and not listening to your opinion and desires… it’s not very nice at all. Parents are prone to this kind of behavor, thinking that you getting what they want is more important than listening – you need to tell your dad when he is pressuring you to “stop. You are making me feel bad, I don’t want to do this” or maybe try to keep him away from wedding tasks.
There is nothing unreasonable about wanting to see a sample.
Post # 6
Honestly, I can see why your dad would get frustrated waiting for you to pick out the details of your invitations. To him, they probably all look the same – it’s very hard for most people who aren’t brides to understand why something like an invite even matters. It sounds like he wanted to make you happy but got more than he bargained for.
I don’t think being indecisive is necessarily “wrong” or “right.” Your life will (hopefully) not be much different if you pick one dress or invitation over another. So in real life, very few of our decisions actually matter. But obviously many brides spend a ton of time and money on these decisions anyway, because they care about their wedding so much. And as long as you enjoy taking the time to make these decisions, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
In the future, just don’t involve your dad in these decisions – don’t bring him shopping for wedding stuff or talk about how difficult it is to find the perfect dress/invite/etc.
Post # 7
oh hun do NOT feel bad about being indecisive. you deserve to have what you want and honestly, if people are grumbling about it then let them! YOU are the paying customer and if they want your business they need to deal with it. it sounds to me like you’re not exactly being awful in any way, you just feel pressured, and unfairly. i am going thru the same issues with my invitations and i’m paying a price for it… having to reorder envelopes and some other things because what i originally had didn’t look the way I wanted. I am designing my own stationery, and all paper products, and let me tell you there is SO much pressure because it’s even harder to visualize how its all going to look together without anyone to show me. i def feel like they should have been able to give you a price before you went and spent an hour picking colors, but still, who cares if you took an hour of their time?? you don’t owe them anything, YOU are the paying customer and call the shots. tell your dad you feel he is pressuring you and he should lay off. why did he feel worse about “wasting” the stationers time then about making you order something you weren’t sure about?
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. It’s too late to change the wedding date of course. I think I’m starting to realize that part of my insanity is just not having the time to think things through. Yes, I’ll feel better if I can think things through by myself next time.
With the invitations, I had to involve my dad only because he wanted one panel in Chinese for his relatives and friends. Good point to try to leave him out of the picture on future items.
Post # 9
I didn’t want to involve my dad with the dress, but my mom kept telling him stories and she wanted me to show him everything. 🙁 So of course, he was gonna share his opinions.