Post # 1
So we’ve been engaged since June and have had our wedding date set since at least the end of June. Here we are 3 1/2 months away, I’ve got all my bridesmaids, got their dresses ordered and everything and my FI still has not asked 2 of his groomsmen to be in the wedding, including the best man. I have asked him for months and months to talk with them and ask them so that they can all know and have theirr attire picked out so we won’t be scrambling at the last minute. Up until a few weeks ago he was seeing his best man on a daily basis and did not ask him and the other groomsman had come to visit us recently and he didn’t ask. Is it wrong for me to be upset and frustrated about this or would you be upset too? I feel bad for getting so mad at him but it’s just so irritating that he hasn’t done this and it kind of worries me why he hasn’t asked them yet.
Post # 3
No it’s not wrong of you. We had to have everyone measured by around this time of year for our June wedding so he needs to do it soon!
Post # 4
I would absolutely be ticked off at this point! In fact, I would be asking him if he plans on getting married… and threaten to call them myself if he doesn’t handle it by next week.
Have you asked him WHY he hasn’t asked them yet?
Post # 5
Totally understand how you would be frustrated with this. I definitely get frustrated with FI when there are important things to deal with that he puts off. For super important things (like conversations with our officiant), I give him a timeline. Ie, if you haven’t contacted by x date, I’m taking over. However, to me, this is a vital component to the wedding.
For me, and I realize that it’s different for many other brides, but bridal party stuff is not anything that I’ve really chosen to concern myself with. If this were happening to ME, then I would just let him do his thing. If he didn’t ask/didn’t get them outfitted, then he won’t have those groomsmen standing up at the wedding (I would warn him about this, of course). I’m not going to stress out/push him to do things that I have zero concern for or which don’t really impact the wedding (in my opinion).
However, if its super important to you that you have balanced sides or groomsmen, then tell him he has until x date to ask them/order suits, and if he doesn’t, then you will. Other than continuously bugging him about it (which I agree, sucks), I don’t know what else you can do.
Post # 6
When my bestie was organizing her wedding, it got to a point where she got sick of her man’s complacency that one night at a get-together, right in front of her groom-to-be, she strongly suggested to three of her girlfriends if their boyfriends had a suit and if it came to it, would they mind standing next to the groom on their big day. Needless to say her fiance got the hint and ask his friends the next day.
Post # 7
I don’t blame you! Give him a deadline, or ask them for him. If he gets upset about it explain that you gave him plenty of time and he just didn’t do it!
Post # 8
It’s not wrong at all. I think the bigger concern is that he’s ignoring you and stressing you out. Is he okay? Is there something wrong with him? If not, he’s being a jerk, freals.
Post # 9
@blinx81: I like this idea better.
Post # 10
that’s weird. you’re right to be frustrated. you guys need to talk about why he is not asking. this would piss me off. has he been part of other planning?
Post # 11
My groom was the same. Took forever to decide his groomsmen. I finally gave him a deadline and he waited until the deadline + 1 days to ask. Give him a deadline and then take over.
And I was soooooo frustrated. It was months later that he decided to have his sister as best woman.
Post # 12
Same problem here, but not nearly this bad. He wouldn’t ask his groomsmen for maybe a month–I don’t know why. I think it has something to do with them being men, and him being worried about the awkwardness of the conversation.
He still hasn’t asked his cousins if it would be ok for their daughter to be our flower girl, and I have threatened to ask a member of my family instead if he doesn’t do it soon (and I would like to avoid asking a member of my family–I’m worried about jealousy issues between sisters and his little cousin’s only sibling is a two-year-old brother)
I would seriously threaten to ask them yourself. And if he’s not ok with that, then you need to seriously ask him if he’s mature enough to get married–because it kind of makes me think he is too embarassed about the idea of getting married to ask them.
Post # 13
So after having a conversation with my FI, I think we have it worked out. He was just being a guy and putting things off until the last minute. You know how guys are, they don’t like to ask people for anything. The two groomsmen that he hasn’t asked yet were already plannning on being there, he just needs to ask them to stand up there with him, and he’s made plans to meet with them in the near future to do that. He had already decided on just black pants and jackets and white shirts for them to wear, so it won’t be too hard to get that worked out. And to make me feel better he took me out to buy the ties for them and then took me for sushi 🙂
Post # 14
@megan6788: Yay! So glad you worked it out!
Post # 15
Thats great that you worked it out… seriously almost every fiance I have met has done the same thing… mine included … he only recently asked his father to be the best man! Of course… this was after me reminding.. but still we don’t have the suits ironed out yet! Ahhhhh.
Post # 16
Its men. I had to badger my husband to ask him guys, and he waited til the last possible minute! Guys just don’t get the need to ask them a year ahead of time