(Closed) Is it wrong to be wary?…Oh, I’m back.

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Well I’m glad you’re back!  And I’m glad that you and your bf are working on your relationship.

I can understand that you’re cautious.  I probably would be too.

My advice would be to seek pre-marital counseling.  I think it’s a good idea for ALL couples, not just those who hit a rough patch.

There are lots of options- some are religious, some not, some with therapists or social workers.  All of them are just to help couples address common stumbling blocks that ALL couples encounter as well as work on specific areas that may be of concern to that individal couple.

Perhaps some pre-marital counseling will help you guys get firmly on the same page and put your fears aside.  (Not to mention giving you skills that may come in handy for dealing with future stumbling blocks that we all inevtiably encounter in a relationship).

Post # 4
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Welcome back!  You snuck out on us there.

Hopefully he wouldn’t keep freaking out and he would come to you if he had any serious concerns about the relationship.  A lot of guys have worries and concerns when they first start thinking about getting engaged and it is normal.  I would let it go for now and just make sure that the communication channels are open and that he knows to come to you with any concerns about the relationship.  It may take time but just try and trust in what he says and take the relationship one day at a time now.  Since you two aren’t engaged yet, you two still have a while before the planning begins.

Post # 5
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Welcome back! I think your concern is totally valid, and if I were you, I’d tell him that if he’s feeling stressed/getting back to that point, to speak up. I second counseling for this too… It’s a major step!

Glad you’re back!

Post # 6
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you decide to hold off on counseling for now, or even if you decide to go with it,  what about having weekly ‘check-in’ sessions?  It gives both folks a chance to bring up any concerns, whether it’s “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings honey, but I really don’t like meatloaf” or “Dear, when something says “dry clean only”, it’s usually for a reason and shouldn’t be put in the washer and dryer”, etc. It can be easy to not bring up tiny almost-problems when you think there’s not a good time.  But then they can build up and become bigger problems.  It may seem like a silly idea, I realize. 

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