Post # 1
So… I’m back and still waiting, but ok with that. I had planned on abandoning this account since there wasn’t a delete option, but decided/was encouraged to come back. In October, my bf had a little meltdown after we went ring shopping (a trip he initiated). It threw me for a loop. I don’t take kindly to relationship whiplash. I told him to just do as he desired and I took marriage off of the table. I decided to enroll in school and work on me. Since then we’ve talked and talked and talked some more about the meltdown and lots of other things. Now he’s ready to put marriage back on the table and seems more ready to go than I am. I celebrate cautiously…
My love for him hasn’t changed at all and I understand that he was afraid– this is a big decision. Part of me is still a little wary though. His emotional meltdown made me question a lot, and while my questions were answered over the last couple of months I’m afraid that I will fail to notice him getting worked up again and end up in a situation where we’re actually calling off our wedding. Do you think that’s wrong and that I should just be enjoying that we are on the same page and ready to move forward? I’m trying not to succumb to the what-ifs, but if I didn’t see the first one coming… I may not see another one. Should I just let it go? How do I start to do that?
Post # 3
Well I’m glad you’re back! And I’m glad that you and your bf are working on your relationship.
I can understand that you’re cautious. I probably would be too.
My advice would be to seek pre-marital counseling. I think it’s a good idea for ALL couples, not just those who hit a rough patch.
There are lots of options- some are religious, some not, some with therapists or social workers. All of them are just to help couples address common stumbling blocks that ALL couples encounter as well as work on specific areas that may be of concern to that individal couple.
Perhaps some pre-marital counseling will help you guys get firmly on the same page and put your fears aside. (Not to mention giving you skills that may come in handy for dealing with future stumbling blocks that we all inevtiably encounter in a relationship).
Post # 4
Welcome back! You snuck out on us there.
Hopefully he wouldn’t keep freaking out and he would come to you if he had any serious concerns about the relationship. A lot of guys have worries and concerns when they first start thinking about getting engaged and it is normal. I would let it go for now and just make sure that the communication channels are open and that he knows to come to you with any concerns about the relationship. It may take time but just try and trust in what he says and take the relationship one day at a time now. Since you two aren’t engaged yet, you two still have a while before the planning begins.
Post # 5
Welcome back! I think your concern is totally valid, and if I were you, I’d tell him that if he’s feeling stressed/getting back to that point, to speak up. I second counseling for this too… It’s a major step!
Glad you’re back!
Post # 6
If you decide to hold off on counseling for now, or even if you decide to go with it, what about having weekly ‘check-in’ sessions? It gives both folks a chance to bring up any concerns, whether it’s “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings honey, but I really don’t like meatloaf” or “Dear, when something says “dry clean only”, it’s usually for a reason and shouldn’t be put in the washer and dryer”, etc. It can be easy to not bring up tiny almost-problems when you think there’s not a good time. But then they can build up and become bigger problems. It may seem like a silly idea, I realize.
Post # 7
Thanks for the welcome ladies. I’m glad to be back and I think I’m going to enjoy the waiting a little more this time now that I have some more perspective.
@rosychicklet: I’m thinking that pre-marital counseling is a must. I’ve mentioned it to him before and was suprised that he was for it. I think that’s a good sign, now I just have to find someone to conduct said counseling.
@bananagirl: That’s not silly at all. I prefer to talk frequently and address the little things while they’re still annoyances rather than resentment.
I really just want to try to enjoy what waiting means for me this time. I’d like to be happy instead of stressed. I’ll try to keep myself in check and not push anything right now. I don’t want him to feel like I’m barreling down on him or anything. I’ll also have school in the spring, so I will be less likely to zero in on wedding planning and details.
Thanks for the words of encouragement!