Post # 1
So some background info:
My fiancee and I were engaged about one month after his brother got engaged. My fiance already had the ring in the works when this happened and had been planning all along. We have been together 7 years and living together for 2.5 of them.
We would like a summer wedding and two of the venues we like only have July 13, 2013 and Aug 3 2013. His brother already has a confirmed wedding date of Sept 7 2013. We really don’t want to wait another year to get married and at this point, there is very limited availability everywhere, not just at the venues we like.
So my question, given the situation, is it terrible to put our wedding 1 to 2 months before theirs?
We asked my fiancee’s brother’s opinion, and he said he “thinks it should be fine” but his body language said something altogether different.
Post # 3
I’d do it. Especially if he said it was okay.
Post # 4
@aharvey9: Speak to his fiancee and gauge the response. Explain the issues etc and ask her how she feels. maybe BIL was a bit closed because he was wondering how the heck he was going to explain to his W2B…
Post # 5
@aharvey9: Maybe he was uncomfortable with the fact that you guys felt they might have a problem with it?
Post # 6
A month is plenty of leeway between weddings, as far as I’m concerned. If he said it’s okay (regardless of body language) I think just do it – I have no patience for people that say something’s fine when it really isn’t. You’re not a mind-reader, so you’re just guessing that this bothers him, and he’s told you it doesn’t, so go ahead!
Post # 7
Many will say that a couple only gets one day. The only family affected really are the groom’s families and friends, because they’ll have to attend two events. I think a month a part is fine.
Post # 8
Since you’ve already lived together for a while (meaning there’s no drama about SO’s apartment lease running out, one partner moving from another city, being in a hurry to see each other all the time, etc.) just figure our what is most important to you. Sometimes, keeping the peace is worth more than getting what you want. And somtimes you just have to say, “Screw them. We’re doing it whenever it’s best for us!”
I think two months earlier is a little easier to swallow, but if it is going to cause family drama, you just have to decide if it’s worth it. And perhaps his brother was a little awkward because while he really wouldn’t care, perhaps he was thinking his fiance might get a little upset. I’d ask around & make sure if you’re really worried about it.
Post # 9
If you sense that there might be drama, while you don’t NEED to (because they have their one day), it might be a really nice thing to sit down or call both of them and get their genuine input and have them really ok it.
I wouldn’t mind if it had been my wedding, but some people might care, and I think it might be worth taking the extra step.
Post # 10
Wow! Thanks for the crazy fast input everyone!
Post # 11
Ohh.. Tough! I know there have been lots of posts on weddingbee about brides being upset about a friend or family member planning their wedding close to theirs.. But I would do it.. You can’t put your life on hold!
Post # 12
Is it a local wedding? If a lot of people have to travel, I could see that being an issue. If it’s local, I would just sit down with FBIL and his fiance and tell them your concerns, your wish to have a summer wedding, and see how they suggest handling it.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t care I would just have the wedding when I wanted. That’s my only child syndrome. I say go for it!
Post # 14
I would wait. Couldn’t you have a fall wedding instead?
The rule tends to say the person who gets engaged first should get married first. Your FBIL may be ok with it, but his bride could be very upset. I’ve seen many posts on the Bee where brides are complaining about this exact situation.
Post # 15
I would definitely sit down with your FBIL and his fiancée and talk it out.
I’m sure you guys can work things out.
Good luck !
Post # 16
I’d definitely pick the earlier date if you could, just to put more time between the events.
It’s not a competetion, but family weddings are a lot of work, and the other couple will most likely be very busy for a few months leading up to the wedding, including weekend trips here and there, meeting with coordinators, showers, etc. So give yourself as muchtime as possible.
Is there anyway to have your wedding earlier, like May? Still summery but even more time?