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In my opinion, I think it's really rude. I would be offended if someone did that to me - but that's just me. Other people may feel differently.
It's like saying "come see me get married, bring a gift but no party for you"
I agree - I think it's all or nothing - just based on how I would feel if the roles were reversed and my feelings would be pretty hurt if I were invited to the ceremony and not the reception
I definitely think this is an "all or nothing" situation. It would absolutely be rude to just invite them to the ceremony and it would probably be awkward all around anyway.
I don't think you can invite them to the ceremony and not the reception, but I DO think that friends should understand if you tell them you had to have a small guest list due to (budget, space limitations, etc) reasons.
I've definitely heard about this, but I've never known anyone who actually did it. If you have a significantly larger number at the ceremony vs. the reception it might work, but if you're just excluding a few people that might be more upsetting for those who are left out.
Maybe you could have a larger, more casual get together after the wedding, where you could celebrate with everyone?
I'll be honest, I'd be pretty mad if I got an invitation to the ceremony and not reception. Less mad if it was for the reception and not the ceremony, but still miffed. Reasons being:
- I'm apparently not important enough to you to be included, and I'd be really curious to find out who made the cut to both events.
- If they're invited to just the ceremony, and not the reception, it looks like you're gift grabbing, and then not thanking them for attending (usually the reception is the bride and groom's way of thanking guests for coming by providing food, drinks and entertainment.
Either invite them to both, or none at all. For those you can't invite, just say, "I'm really sorry, our venue has limited space and we decided to have a small wedding. I hope you understand."
I agree with other bees saying that it's all or nothing. I personally think it is rude to invite people to wedding showers, bachelorette parties, ceremonies and not the reception. I understand you are on a budget and need to be careful of the number of people you invite but I think if they can't go to the reception then leave them out of everything. Maybe you should call each of them or have a lunch and explain the situation, if they are good friends then they should understand.
i've heard the opposite, people invited to the reception but not the ceremony, but not being invited to the ceremony and not the reception. i definitely wouldn't be ok with just being invited to the ceremony. it would be different if your friend specifically said that they understand that you have a small guest list and that they aren't being invited, but they'd still like to witness the ceremony. than i think it would be ok.
I wouldn't do it. I don't even know how you could do it, logistically. You'd have to create separate invites. But, inevitably, their feelings will get hurt. I'd say either don't invite them at all and explain that you can't afford it. Or, invite them to the whole thing.
I agree with everyone.. i think it's rude to invite them to the ceremony but not reception. It's seriously like... bring a gift for me but no food and party for you...
no, shouldn't do it. It never really happens, so if I got an invite for just a ceremony, chances are i wouldn't even read the fine print and then up for dinner. if i got kicked out from dinner at a close friend's wedding? Ouch.
I'm with the other bees who say that it's not right. I wouldn't be very happy if I got an invite to only the ceremony and not the reception too. It just makes me feel like I'm good enough to bring you a gift, but apparently not good enough to help you celebrate. Sorry...but I definitely think this one is a no-no.
If you explain to your friends that you don't know if you can invite them b/c it's a "family first" kind of affair, and a very small one of only 80 people, i'm sure they'd understand. it's relatively common around here to invite only a small handful of friends b/c families come first, and families are quite large and local in the midwest it seems. I had a friend tell me that just a couple months ago and i didn't even think twice about it. All it hought was that I hoped a friend of hers threw a shower that i got invited to (i don't care if i couodn't go to the ceremony) so i could congratulate her and bring a gift! But i totally get weddings...at least now after planning my own =]
I agree with the above posters. Might I suggest, for those you can't invite, to have a small celebration later, like a house party? A friend of mine did this, and it was a great, inexpensive way to celebrate their love for all who either couldn't attend or couldn't be invited due to size constraints.
A sort of similar situation:
When my cousin got married she invited all of our 80 cousins, but none of our cousins' children. That's where she drew the line to keep the guest list under control. One of my cousins, though, asked the bride if her daughters could come just to the ceremony because they had never seen a wedding and were so excited to come. The girls were about 8 or 9, old enough to be both cute and well-behaved. Then they would take the girls home and proceed to the reception without them. I thought it was a nice way to include the little ones in some of the fun without letting the guest list get out of hand. However, I think it only worked because it was a request on the part of my cousin the mom. If the bride had specified on the invitation that the girls could come to the ceremony but not the party, that would have been weird.
So maybe after you explain the guest list situation to your friends, they might voluntarily ask if they could go to the ceremony and not the reception. If they ask, I think it would be ok to say yes. But they should not feel at all obligaed to bring a gift, besides maybe a card.
I'd be hurt if someone did this to me. Especially someone I considered a close friend. If these are people you've known for a long time, you should be able to tell them straight up that the decision was about the budget and that family had to come first.
(I may be in the minority here, but I'd also be pretty upset if I found out that I received an invitation only because a "first choice" guest declined. Tread lightly.)
It's a stcky situation. If you have to cut the numbers I would do it for both the cermony and reception, I too would be offended if I found out I hadn't made the cut for the reception. I think it is kinda rude to invite poeple ONLY to the ceremony. :/
Good luck!
If you are having a church wedding, a wedding that is open to the whole congregation seems perfectly fine to me. I've been to those. They are then followed by a punch and cake reception. Inviting people in your congregation to that is perfectly fine.
What isn't fine is inviting some non-congregation friends to the church-then-punch part, while others also get an invitation to something more formal to follow. You can invite just family and absolutely best friends (as in in the bridal party) to a tiny (80 really isn't tiny) formal reception, but you can't rank within a group (IMO).
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I feel so bad that I have sooooo many friends and cant invite all of them to my wedding. Originally our guest list was 100 and we had to cut it down to 80, close family and closest friends. Lately, i've been hearing from my best friend that a few girls was asking if they were invited and said they couldnt wait for my wedding. I've kind of been dodging the girls because im afraid to hurt them. I know they understand that me and FI are paying for the wedding ourselves but we all go way back and I cant really tell them that they arent invited until my first batch of RSVP's come in, then I can see how many 'no's' I get before thinking of sending out my second batch. Anywho, I've heard around on weddingbee that some people have friends come to church but not reception, I kind of think its odd, but is it normal? Any help would be appreciated, thanks guys!