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I think it's fine if you two don't mind not being at each other's weddings - but, are there mutual friends involved? If there are - then, I'd say, talk to her about picking alternate dates for the sake of mutual friends.
I went through this with a friend and a lot changed with the dates we thought we wanted - so, don't worry about it TOO much at this point.
I'd say it depends on guest overlap. If it is only this particular couple that wouldn't not be able to attend and you are ok with that (and you don't want to attend theirs)- then I think it doesn't matter. But if there is a possibility of making guests choose which wedding to attend then thats not cool.
Yeah with mutual friends it gets complicated because then people would have to pick which one of your weddings they would attend. That might lead to a lot of bruised toes. Yikes. Can you or her get married any earlier because I totally understand the want/need to get married asap?
I think it definitely depends on how close you are and if you share many mutual friends. Are you happy not participating in her wedding and vice versa? Are you ok with making mutual friends pick between the two and ultimately choose hers? I don't think you have an obligation to change your date, but I might do it anyway if either of the two issues I mentioned bothered me. You say there's a few limited dates available for you guys, so maybe you could pick another one of those?
I don't know if it's wrong or not, but it is probably a recipe for a bad situation. :(
do you share the same group of friends? as she hasnt set her date in stone yet then the selfish part of me says the date is still up for grabs but expect tears and accusations
personally if it was me, if im ready to be married i wouldnt want to wait another year just for a date that suits other people
It can get complicated. That being said, my mom and one of her good friends (and another couple they knew) all got married on the same day. Different churches, and staggered times. They were not able to be in each other's weddings, but their friends only had to get dressed up once. Keep in mind they were all poor grad students or recent grads and this was in the 60s, so it was a much "simpler" time.
Of course my mom and her friend got pregnant at about the same time too! Friend's daughter and I were supposed to be only a week apart. We're 18 days apart and I was daughter's Maid of Honor. Even though we're not that close . . . if I didn't have my sister as my MOH, I think I would seriously consider having daughter--she's pretty much like a cousin (many people think we're related).
It can get complicated. That being said, my mom and one of her good friends (and another couple they knew) all got married on the same day. Different churches, and staggered times. They were not able to be in each other's weddings, but their friends only had to get dressed up once. Keep in mind they were all poor grad students or recent grads and this was in the 60s, so it was a much "simpler" time.
Of course my mom and her friend got pregnant at about the same time too! Friend's daughter and I were supposed to be only a week apart. We're 18 days apart and I was daughter's Maid of Honor. Even though we're not that close . . . if I didn't have my sister as my MOH, I think I would seriously consider having daughter--she's pretty much like a cousin (many people think we're related).
Thanks for your opinions everyone - I greatly appreciate it! It's just frustrating because for the last two years while she has been engaged, my friend hadn't really thought about planning the wedding at all and then when I got engaged, all she wanted to talk about was wedding talk. I don't want to upset anyone, but in the next few years of med school, our schedules are pretty rigid and since we haven't scheduled rotations yet, we're not sure as to how much wiggle room we have to schedule a wedding. I'll have to go back to the calendar and look at more dates. Though from what we've looked at so far, there aren't too many other choices and if we don't get married around that time, then we'll probably have to wait another 2 years to get married, which doesn't sound too much fun either. My fiance isn't the biggest fan of her in general and doesn't seem to think we should even consider changing our date, but it's stressing me out a little because I don't want to step on anyone's toes. We'll probably have to discuss it at some point. There will probably be about ~3 people that might be an overlap on our guest lists. Again, thanks so much for your input and keep them coming!! I really should be studying right now, haha!! :-)
Definitely depends on guest overlap.... since you're both so far out, it seems like one or the other of you ought to be able to find an alternative date!
pffttt - if youre talking less than 10 people overlapping then i would book whatever date you want and start planning your wedding!
goodluck!
Doesn't seem like a good thing to me. Thats just something that will drive a wedge between you two that you most likely will never recover from.
Mainataining a good friendsip is more important than getting married as soon as possble.
Someplace else wiil have a more suitable date, it just might take some extra looking, but I would say it is worth it.
Book it.
I've had a friend engaged for a year and a half and they have made NO headway on wedding planning - in fact, they've changed their date 9 times.
Your friend hasn't settled on the date yet and only about 3 people overlapping? Go for it.
It doesn't seem like a great idea, but maybe if one of you did Friday and the other Saturday (or Sunday whatevs) that would make it easier on you both so you don't feel like you're competing for "THE DAY". Ya know? I'm not sure if that made sense but you get the idea!
This is tricky. One of my FI's groomsmen was engaged before us and set the date we really wanted. At the time, we decided to go a whole month later to not step on toes - even though that put us into July which was no good for an outdoor wedding and reception. Well, the groomsmen very unexpectedly broke off his engagement and we got our date back. I don't know how helpful my experience is, because you could take away from it that maybe its best to just do the nice thing and see how it works out... or you could take away from it that, as GaBGal says, since you can never predict what will happen, why try to plan around it?
Especially because there is hardly any guest overlap, I say go ahead and do it... but keep in mind you may very well lose this friendship. For us, FI's groomsmen was an important enough friend to not even go there, but she doesn't sound like a super close friend, and you may have to make that difficult choice.
Have you seen the movie Bride Wars? Your situation kind of reminds me of that movie...especially if you both end up going with the same date :)
It definitely seems like there is some potential for drams and/or hurt feelings over the whole situation, but I don't think that means you have to give up the date.
Good luck!!
There are so many dates in a year, I just dont understand how situations like this can occur, especially with friends
Eh if its only 3 people-- book it. It isn't like you knew about her date and then decided yours. You said you decided first then she came to you and told you it was the same. Given your schedule, I'd go ahead and do it.
It doesn't sound like there is much guest overlap, but I would still say it depends on how good of friends you are and how long you have been friends. I think back to my friends while I was in pharmacy school, and many of them were friends because we spent so much time together and had so much in common, but very few of them remained good friends afterward, mostly because we scattered all over the world. If I had been in that situation then and known now about how hard it was to maintain those friendships after graduation, I would have been sad that I put a wedding on hold for that long. If it were someone I'd been friends with forever, then we might have had to figure something out. The reality is that while there are 365 days in a year, school, residencies, and even some jobs can eliminate a lot of dates from consideration. Sometimes you just need to do what is best for the two of you and move foreward.
I think it's fine to have the same date when there is so little guest overlap - just make sure not to give those friends a hard time if they go to hers.
On the other hand, I believe you that if you can't get married in that period it'll be difficult to have the wedding without postponing a year. However:
a. period of time =! one date
b. even one weekend has three dates - unless you're determined to have it on a Saturday, which is fine, but that's you putting a lot of not strictly necessary requirements on your date.
c. I firmly believe that if a couple really wants to get married soon there is a way to make is work no matter what schedules look like and even though it looks difficult now I'm sure with delegation compromise etc. if this date fell through you could make it work earlier than a year.
d. You say you don't know your rotations yet but are assuming they will incapatible with a wedding, who know maybe they'll make it really easy? If you don't know your schedule yet it's hard to be certain it won't work out.
If you guys share mutal friends i think it would be a bad idea to set it on the same date... if you dont... then i think it should be fine... honestly.. i dont know how great of a friend she is to you but if she isnt.. it wouldnt even really make a difference wether or not she's there... i'm not trying to be mean... but you're going to be busy as it is... not like you'll be hanging out with her the whole time...
and as of you being in med school and dont know how much time you will have... honestly... its gonna be hard. My FI is in med school.. he's actually done in march.. but when we first started dating.. i used to see him once every 2 weeks... he was basically on call every 2 days on some of his rotations.. and now hes studying for his exam that i'm planning the wedding alone... So if thats the only date you guys are available then just do it! =)
It doesn't sound like you and this friend are super close anyway, and three people isn't enough to worry about, I think.
I would book your date. Usually, I'm not a fan at all of friends/family members scheduling their weddings so close to each other because usually that means many of the guests will have to pick one over the other, which sucks.
I'd also be willing to bet that if you book the date, your friend will just pick another one. Or, she'll have her wedding the same day as yours and you might have an awkward friendship because of it. So I guess it comes down to how close you guys are.
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Hey there everyone,
I hope you're having a good evening! I just wanted to get your opinion on a situation. So both me and my fiance are in graduate school and there are only a few limited dates available when we can marry. We have a an idea in mind in June of 2011 (still have to finalize with the parents) but there's one weekend that we are thinking of in particular. Otherwise, we probably will have like a 3+ year engagement, which seems like a really really long time. Now, another friend of mine who is also in med school with me also wants to get married at that date. They haven't formally set that date either, but when she heard that I was thinking of the same time, she tried to talk me out of it. Granted, she has been engaged longer than I have (I got engaged a little over two months ago) but only now has started thinking about planning stuff, right around the same time I have been as well! Is it wrong to want to get married at the same weekend? We talked briefly about inviting each other to each other's wedding, but with our schedules (and our SOs' as well!) there is limited time to get married in. I don't want to intrude on her personal time, and at the same time, me and my fiance want to get married as soon as we can! Just wanted to get your honest opinions! Thanks so much everyone for all your help!
Edit: I just wanted to get all your opinions before we set anything in stone!