Is it wrong to tell someone they cant bring their SO?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
8047 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

a_day_at_the_fair:  how old are they, how long have they been dating, and do they live together?

Post # 3
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Eh, I don’t think so, though I’m sure many on here will disagree.

I had to tell my coworker and a couple other people that their SO who I don’t know and they haven’t been dating for a very long time, are not invited to the wedding because we are keeping it small and intimate. 

Post # 5
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

a_day_at_the_fair:  If they live together, have a child and say they are in a relationship, then I think you should be cordial and invite him. 

Post # 6
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If they live together and have a kid together you are probably obliged to invite him. However you could perhaps hint to your sister that if there is any drama between them at all on the day, he/they will be asked to leave immediately. Then get some security or beefed up friends to keep an eye on them and make it happen.

Post # 7
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

They’re a social unit. Living together + child = Social Unit (Although it would qualify if they lived together, too.) Politeness says you need to invite him.

Post # 8
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

a_day_at_the_fair:  As much as ‘etiquette says this’ or ‘etiquette says that’, you can really do whatever you like. While lots of people will say you should invite him, it’s your wedding and you can make that call. I can totally see where you’re coming from, they sound very childish and you don’t need drama on your wedding day! You obviously know it could cause issues but if you’re ok with the potential fall out then do what makes you feel more comfortable!

I won’t be inviting my cousins bf even if they’re still together (which is probably not likely..) They’re much younger though and the family have never met him. They have the most rediculously volatile relationship.. I honestly can’t keep up. He sounds like a real treat too. If she thinks he’s getting free food and drinks at my expense she’s sorely mistaken!

Post # 10
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

a_day_at_the_fair:  Yea that’s not good, perhaps now is a good time to put your foot down? It sounds like it would get you down having him there, better to just eliminate any chance of issues from the start! I don’t think you need to justify your reasoning or explain yourself, your concerns seem pretty valid!

I hope it all works out and you have a drama free day!

Post # 11
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

a_day_at_the_fair:  is he physically abusive or something that extreme? Otherwise it seems like you need to invite him. If he’s invited to many other family get togethers and holiday. And if he isnt abusive, I don’t get how you dont let your sister bring her bf and father of her child to your wedding. You can tell her in advance that you want no drama and say that theyll need to leave if they start fighting, then before the wedding ask someone else who knows the sitjation to handle any problems that come up w them that night. 

Post # 13
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, it would be rude to not invite him.  If you’re close enough with your sister, you can try to address it ahead of time – mention if he gets argumentative, that she needs to brush it off for the sake fot he day and argue later.  If not, just deal with it.  Telling someone their SO isn’t invited because you don’t like the person is inappropriate.

Post # 16
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it would be rude not to invite him. Ultimately who your sister dates and what she is willing to tolerate from said person is HER decision. And yes, it’s also your decision wether you invite that person to your wedding. But, he’s your sister’s long term partner and they have a child together so it would be pretty rude.

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