Post # 1
So ladies I am new to this site! Loving it! You guys seem great.
But I would like some feedback. I will try to make it short and sweet, and give you some background.
My finance’ and I have been together for almost 8 years, (high school sweethearts) and we are finally getting ready to get married. We have been engaged for 2 years. We originally planned to get married sooner, but college got in the way and we wanted to wait to graduate to get married.
My question is about upgrading my center diamond. When we originally got engaged money was very tight, we were early in college. There was a lot of pressure all around to get engaged because we had been together for 5 years (I’ll admit a lot of the pressure was from me as well) people were expecting it and wondering why it hadn’t happened. We knew we absolutely wanted to spend the rest of our lives together so he popped the question.
I loved the ring, even though it was a little on the small side. But now we are getting ready to enter real careers and be very well off and I don’t feel like my ring fits our life style. People often look at it and wonder why it isn’t bigger and make awkward comments about it. I love the ring but it has become very embarrassing. I wish we would have waited to get engaged to get the ring I would really love to wear the rest of my life. I love the man and the ring but it is wrong to upgrade the center diamond? The FI is totally game… I just wonder what other brides think?
On a side note the center stone is already not the oringinal diamond he proposed with. He realized after he bought it that it had a huge flaw and he took it back to the jewler to get fixed. The jewler agreed to have it fixed but it wasn’t able to get replaced in time to perpose (he had big plans he had told me about that he didn’t want to break dinner ect) So he proposed with the flawed diamond and we went a week later and had it fixed. So the sentamint of it being the orignal diamond he proposed with isnt really there.
I guess I am just feeling a little guilty… I hate that I don’t adore what he proposed with. I just would like some feedback form you fellow Bees. Thanks! 🙂
Post # 3
Don’t feel guilty! If you are ok with it and your fiance is ok with it, nothing to feel guilty about! Engagements and wedding planning involves making a lot of decisions, and it seems like for a lot of brides, friends and/or family may try to make you feel guilty for the decisions you make. This should be fun! As long as your fiance is not hurt by it, then NO GUILT!!
Post # 4
I agree with Leeluu…it’s not about the opinions of strangers on a wedding board, it’s about what feels right for you and your fiance. 🙂 If the two of you feel comfortable (emotionally and financially) with the decision, then go for it! The only hesitation I would feel would be about insulting your fiance, but it sounds like that’s not a concern. And that way, you can have the thrill of being engaged all over again! Woohoo!
Post # 5
If you want to upgrade and your FI is okay with it, then go for it. To be honest, I think it’s sort of sad that you feel the need to upgrade in part to please other people, but hey, it’s your hand, your ring, your friends. And it is something you’ll wear forever.
Just to put this out there: My diamond is small (.5 ct), in part because my DH couldn’t afford a larger stone when he purchased the ring. He’s a teacher, and at the time, in debt. However he dutifully saved not only to buy me the ring (which is still beautiful), but he also saved to cover his debts. He didn’t want to enter the marriage with debt. THAT was really more important to me and it’s also why the stone is smaller.
Anyway, even though it’d be nice to have a bigger rock and all, I don’t ever see me wanting to upgrade this particular ring because the look of it is so representative of who we were when we got engaged and all the financial discipline he had to muster get it for me. When people ask me, “Aren’t you going to upgrade?” I’m like, “Nooo–do you know what went into getting this ring??” I figure that we have our whole lives to purchase bigger rings, so why not keep this one, modest as it is to remind us of who we were when we started as a couple?
Post # 6
I agree with JennyW1. Do it if you feel the need to, but for me personally, I feel as if my current stone (3/4 carat) is representative of where we were when we got engaged. And although both of us will most likely be making 6 figure salaries within the next few years, I wouldn’t upsize my ring for any reason. My husband worked so hard to find the best quality stone he could purchase on his measley medical school student non-salary. He told me he went to 10 different jewelers searching for the best stone he could afford…..that is soooo sweet to me. It just would never feel the same to have a different stone on my finger.
Post # 7
If you’re both okay with it, I don’t see any problem with it. I did it. My original center stone was representative of where we were financially at that time, and we just recently upgraded. But the original stone had some issues and flaws as well. I must say though I did have a tiny bit of a breakdown letting go of my original ring and still occasionally miss it for the sentimental reasons 🙁
If you’re having any second thoughts, you could consider keeping your e-ring as is but getting a really flashy wedding band to sort of upgrade the whole look. You can even wear your wedding band alone after you’re married, or still wear them together for a big pop.
Best of luck to you 🙂
Post # 8
If he’s ok with it, I don’t see why not.
For me, personally though, I wouldn’t. I feel like it’s the thought that counts, and he picked out THAT diamond to propose to me with so that’s the one I’m keeping,
Post # 9
dont feel guilty! you have to wear it the rest of your life!
my father – when he proposed to my mom he was just out of college and couldnt afford a real diamond so he bought her a CZ – (i never ever ever would have known if he didnt tell me) after they got married he was in grad school at maryland for a few years so money was tight as well. he upgraded hers when the time was right – to a real diamond. so i say go for it! you have to wear it everyday, get something you like.
Post # 10
My mom did it at her 20th anniversary. They were at a very different financial place then compared to where they were 20 years ago. She kept the diamond from the original ring and had it made into a pendant for a necklace and the gold of the bands (both hers and my dads) were melted together to make a pendant for me and my sister.
I don’t think I would consider upgrading until we have been married for quite some time. Probably at least 5 years, if not more like 10 + years.
Post # 11
Welcome! I’m still new myself 🙂 If money isn’t a problem and your fiance has no issues with an upgrade, I say GO FOR IT! What I would NOT worry about is what others think of it- the snarky judgements go both ways with small AND large stones, so get what makes you happy & don’t feel guilty about it!
Post # 12
So you are “getting ready” to enter your careers? Your profile says you are only 21 and a teacher–you may have awhile until you are “very well off”–why not wait until you see how life goes, expenses are, etc (trust me, there’s a financial curve the first year out of college!) and upgrade for an anniversary? I find that people tend to grossly underestimate how well off they’ll be the first couple of years out of school!
But if you and your FI are okay with it–it doesn’t matter what the rest of us think!
Post # 13
Hi! I agree with the other posters, it is different for each couple. For my FI and I, we are choosing not to upgrade. My center stone is the one from my mom’s ring from my dad. It has a lot of sentimentality to me. The setting is new, though. I would say that if you and your FI are both okay with it, then it’s all right. I would maybe upgrade at an anniversary.
I do have to say that I think it’s rude that people comment on the size of your ring! I also hate it when they tell you what you should be doing in your relationship. I can relate to the comments about getting engagd. My FI and I were together nearly 6 years before he proposed. Things got slowed down because of school. I was not a fan of feeling like I had to justify our decisions to others. Unfortunately, as I’m finding out, the questions never end! It goes from asking about getting engaged, to married, to having the first baby, to and subsequent children. Everyone will have an opinion about how you should do things (or the size of your ring, the type of wedding you have, etc.), so just do what makes you and your FI happy. Easier said than done at times, though!
Sorry for the mini rant-thread jack there :-).
Post # 14
If you are both okay with the decision and can afford it, go for it! Who doesn’t love new bling!?
Post # 15
The ring is just a thing honestly, I’ve never understood why anyone would have a problem with upgrading or changing it.
Post # 16
I agree with others. All that matters is what you and your FI want. If you two want to upgrade, go for it!