Post # 1
Super deep question that has been on my mind – thought I’d extend it to my Bee family.
Is love unconditional? Do you believe in the concept of unconditional love? Are certain kinds of love more (un)conditional than others?
obviously if someone wrongs you: a friend, an SO, a family member, you may be be hurt and never get over it. But are there some cases where the “love” never goes away?
i know this is super subjective and everyone defines love differently. Just looking for thoughts!
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I believe the love between a parent & child is unconditional. I believe the love between a spouse is conditional.
I will stop loving my FI if he starts beating me, becomes a serial cheater, starts treating me like he doesn’t love me anymore (read: crap). That is a condition of my love.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
I defintely think there’s a difference between unconditional love and unconditional relationship. Personally, I would never stay with someone who has cheated on me. Doesn’t mean I would completely stop loving them, but I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with them. Also, I think there are varying degrees of that unconditional love. You might love someone, but be ok with being at a distance from them yet they always have a place in your heart.
The only true unconditional love/relationship comes from a pet- a man told me that in walmart waiting on an oil change once lol kinda true!
Post # 5
@LMD: Exactly. Except in some cases, parental love is conditional – not every parent is completely self-sacrificing and giving, unfortunately. But I do think the only form of unconditional love in the world that exists at all is parental love.
Post # 6
Sometimes love is unconditional… Even after all the hurt and devastation you may still feel love for someone. I still hold onto love for some of my exes, not in an active way that gets in the way of my current relationship whatsoever… it’s not unconditional in the way that no matter what happens, I would get back together with them. It just means I don’t think the love would ever complete go away.
But I believe commitment is conditional, even for most of those who 100% believe they will be married til death.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@ChicFoodist: Good point!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
I couldn’t have said it better myself. My mom is a flaky alcoholic who has always been in and out of my life. She’s treated me pretty poorly, and as much as I hate to admit it, I still love her. If my SO treated me that way, I would absolutely fall out of love with him and move on.
Post # 9
@donna_saur: Until now my only unconditional love has been the one I feel for my pets. All human beings have the potential to do horrible things and there’s always a situation that would make me question the love I have for someone if that situation happened. But knowing my family and FH, I know it won’t happen.
Post # 10
@donna_saur: my family, I love them unconditionally. I don’t have to like them, but they’re family and I will always love them. I will always love FH, I don’t think there is a scenario in which I wouldn’t love him. That said, there are things that either of us could do that could damage the relationship beyond repair – I think. I’m hoping I never have to find out. In the past, there are items that I identified as deal breakers, which might not be today.
Post # 11
@LMD: +1. I think love for your child is unconditional, at least for most people.
Love for my DH is conditional. There are quite a few things that he could do that would cause me to leave him and ultimately stop loving him.
ETA: I do also love my dogs unconditionally, haha
Post # 12
@Andthepupmakes3: Totally agree with you on that. I still love my ex, but it’s not the same love that I have for my SO and I do not actively work on that love. It’s just that after 9 years together and he’s never been wrong to me, we separated because we grew apart (in our lifechoices, goals and projects in the future) as years went by. I won’t stop loving him, but in another way, just like our relationship evolved, our feelings too. We still trust each other 100%, but we’re getting our friendship developed, over what used to be a romantic relationship.
Post # 14
I believe that love should be unconditional, but that you can decide to stop loving someone. Conditional to me is a trade of your love for something in return. It can be a change in behavior, money, gifts, attention, whatever.
Example: “I will love you if you buy me things” Conditional
“I have decided to stop loving you because you are abusive.” A decision, not a condition.
“I will love you if you stop being abusive” Conditional
“I love you, but I cannot be your partner in life because you are abusive.” A decision.
I know this isn’t the end all – be all in love or relationships, but this is how I approach the idea of conditional love in my relationships.
Post # 15
@donna_saur: The love of a parent for her or his child. Also, for some, the love a child has for her or his parents. I read about a lot of shitty parents here and elsewhere, yet people still put up with their parents despite their bad and oftentimes abusive behavior. For myself, only my daughter deserves my unconditional love.
Post # 16
I agree with the poster who said a parent/child relationship should be/is unconditional. I most definately love my son unconditionally. Now if my DH started to beat/did stuff that was harmful I would more than likely fall out of love with him