Post # 1
I’ve always had a “guest list” at the back of my mind ever since the day I knew FI and I would be getting married some day, and over a period of two years some people have fallen off the list and others have been added.
So now that we officially have a date, today I sat down for the first time to write my half of the list. I need 150 people, including my half of the bridal party.
My parents are opposed to the marriage and most likely won’t come, and I worry that some family members also won’t come out of fear of/respect for my parents.
What is so stressful is that I’d like to invite more people than we can afford (so I can’t) and I’d hate it if I invited a relative who decides not to come because of my parents when I could have invited a friend instead.
Looking on the bright side, my parents might come around and no one will decline because of them.
And here I was thinking my “laid-back” wedding planning would be stress-free!!!
Post # 3
@Asichka: Our venue has enough space that 100% invites could show up and we’d be fine (financially, another story, but we knew 100% wasn’t going to happen). So the guest list was really easy other than getting FMIL to help FI with his side.
IMO, the hardest part is nailing down the logistics— how are xyz getting to location abc because then we’ll all be on the shuttle back and where do i send this bag or this box and what time should the makeup artist arrive, etc etc. Basically timeline and transportation are my biggest stressers. I was in a wedding last year where teh timeline was totally off and so it was a giant clusterf*ck and rush up to the first look. I just want to be relaxed on my wedding day!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Sounds like you need a “B” list. Send the family invites out early with an earlier RSVP date, then have other invites ready to go if/when you get declines.
Or if you’re not comfortable with that, call you friends directly. “We had so many family members that we HAD to invite that we couldn’t invite all of our friends. Not all of them can make it, so we would love it if you could share in our special day.”
Post # 5
@Andthepupmakes3: I forgot about that one! Probably because FI is handling that with my brother, all they have to know from me is who’s coming and where to pick them from, and the rest is their business.
I hope we can stick to our schedule too and do everything on time because disorganised weddings are no fun
@rebwana: That’s a GREAT idea! I know my friends would totally understand not being invited, but I know some wouldn’t be too happy to know they were an “afterthought” if they get an invitation later than others.
Being honest about it- and showing I’m glad to be able to invite them now- would totally work
Post # 6
Oh my, that certainly is a stressful situation!
I would recommend firstly confirming whether or not your parents are coming (make sure you set it in stone!). That will give you a good idea of who to invite beyond that.
I’ll tell you our unconventional plan for our guest list. Our venue can only accommodate 88 people for a sit down dinner and we have a few more we would LIKE to have, but are not the absolute top priority (ie parents’ friends who my fiance and I do not really know). We are sending out two waves of invites. The first wave (88 invites) will go out in mid April, with an RSVP by late May. We are expecting a 10-15% rate of decline. The second wave (if people do decline… if not, no second wave!) will go out at the end of May with a reply by early July. It is certainly not ideal, but with our tight venue constraints, we want to make it work!
Hope that helps 🙂 good luck with the planning!
Post # 7
Picking a venue for us.
Oh and waiting for the fucking Army to decide to let him know when he can take leave. “June” is all we have at this point. I’m shooting for the 21st mentally, just so that I have something to lock on to for now.
Post # 8
@rachelpard: Nice plan you have there!
Unfortunately we don’t have enough time for waves, and the people who ‘fear’ my parents are the kind who’d say “Yes” to me and then decide not to show up after a talk with my parents (assuming that happens), so RSVPs are not entirely reliable in our case.
I guess I’ll have a clearer picture of events when my parents and aunties get their invites- when they start discussing things among themselves and I get to hear their thoughts.
e.g. Aunt X gets the invitation card, and wonders “Did her parents finally agree to this marriage? How come I didn’t hear about this new development?” and then decides to call them to find out.
We’ve reached the stage where my parents and I don’t even discuss the matter, so the next talk on the subject will be when I give them their invitations.
Post # 9
@DW82: Hahaha- I’ve changed my weddingbee wedding date three times now!
First I thought (mental date, like you) we’d get married in July.
Then we decided to officially get married on April 12.
Then we moved it to May 10th.
Then when I found out my mother will be in the country (for work, she lives abroad) in the first week of May, we changed it to 3rd May.
That way she won’t have the excuse that she couldn’t fly home in time to attend because she’s already supposed to be here.
Post # 10
The seating chart is the worst! We’re both children of divroce so there’s a lot of people who can’t (refuse to) be seated next to each other! 🙁
Post # 11
@Asichka: “I’ve always had a “guest list” at the back of my mind ever since the day I knew FI and I would be getting married some day, and over a period of two years some people have fallen off the list and others have been added.“
This is where I’m at. We’re not engaged yet, but I have a guest list in my mind and I fear it will be the most stressful part of wedding planning for my SO and me.
Having to invite people we dislike, dealing with the fall out of not inviting children, people expecting plus ones etc.
I’m dreading it already.
Post # 12
I voted “other” because while choosing a guest list was stressful, I’d say the most stressful part of the wedding planning is staying in budget! I don’t think it’s going to happen and that really annoys me. I’m constantly mulling numbers in my head every time I want to make a purchase.
Post # 13
@Mischka: Hehehe. We’re not doing children either, and stating how many people per card (normally it’s two per card) is pretty standard. Gate-crashers are a constant threat though!
@Diamond84: We went over-budget too (anyways, we started planning long ago and inflation has struck several times so that was understandable), so now instead of having a “budget” per se, we’re just comparing prices of vendors and choosing the most affordable without compromising on quality, and calling in a lot of favours from professional friends (catering, decor, dressmaking, etc)
Post # 14
@Asichka: “Gate-crashers are a constant threat though!“
Oh, I wouldn’t put it past some people I know. Luckily one of the reception venues I love is on an island and the other has security.
Post # 15
@Asichka: The most stressful aspect for me was family drama. I’m good at organizing and planning, so that part didn’t really stress me out at all. It was dealing with all the unsolicited opinions, and STRONG ones at that. I was taken aback that people seemed to think it was about them and not us.
Post # 16
@Asichka: Oh God, the guest list! Just getting anything from my future in laws was like pulling teeth, and then they gave us a list with like 170 people on it – our venue holds 200 if it’s stuffed to the gills. I’ve been flip flopping between feeling guilty that I can’t invite everyone, and feeling relieved that I have an excuse not to pay for a hundred extra people who I couldn’t identify off the street. This is compounded by the fact that the future in laws used their portion of the guest list to invite 2nd and 3rd cousins, so their friends are being excluded and so there’s constantly a guilt trip waiting for me.