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I met a girl I liked. I fell in love with her. Now I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love her so much that I want to pledge my love and commitment to her in public and in front of all of our friends and family and have our relationship be acknowledged as being as important to everyone else as it is to us. In today's society, the best way to do that is marriage, so we're getting married. If there were another way for us to do the same thing that had the same weight to it, I'm sure we'd do that.
That doesn't mean that I feel that people need to be married or that it's for everyone, but it works for us and our relationship, so I'm all for it.
@scottsouth: Your lady is one lucky chick!
Is marriage becoming obsolete?
I agree with @Coffee cup:, people have more options then 'having' to get married. But, every couple I know in long term relationships are married, and I'm sure they would do it again (marry the same person that is lol). Personally, I didn't want to get married, but only because I have been divorced. Pretty much I lost hope in finding a loving, honest guy. I donno, I find the numbers on the CNN page kinda hookie.
My province (Quebec, Canada) has one of the highest percentage of couples & families living out of wedlock. It is part of social norms to engage in commonlaw partnerships. Until I started my law studies I never thought anything of it since common law partners have many of the same benefits in terms of insurance but there are a couple of fundamental protections that marriage provides. This is particularly true if one partner puts off education or foregoes job oppertunities to take care of the other partner or children. Married couples are generally compensated if a separation occurs; this is not the case for common law partners.
I hope it's not even though it sure feels that way. I know that in Canada we get pretty much the same rights being common law vs being married, but to me the act of standing in front of family and friends and saying "I choose you", is VERY important to me. If you want to be with me forever, or at least attempt forever, then I want the formalities seen too. It's about the symbolism of the whole thing.
Just want to second what @MrsGolden2Bee said here: "If you want to be with me forever, or at least attempt forever, then I want the formalities seen too. It's about the symbolism of the whole thing." THAT is why we're doing this -- because it's important to us, the symbolism.
It's funny to say, especially on this site, but I've felt that way about marriage for some time. I know a lot of people who have divorced and been happier for it, and a lot of people who are very happy together and either are not married, or got married down the road and don't seem any different because of it. I never imagined that I would want to get married, but slowly realized that I was with someone who I not only wanted to be with for the rest of my life, but wanted to make a formal commitment to as well.
My sister lives in Germany, and at least for younger people there, marriage does seem to be pretty much obsolete.
I have mixed feelings on this topic. On the one hand, I'm getting married! But on the other hand, I don't think anyone should NEED to get married to get the protections/benefits this allows. And I definitely feel that no one should be prevented from marrying because of their gender/sexuality. (Big believer in free association here!) I also think that it shouldn't be so difficult for unmarried partners to manage all the legal stuff that comes along with home ownership or having children.
As for why I'm getting married, I honestly never thought that I would even entertain the possibility until I met FH. We decided to go for it due to the very romantic reason of health insurance. (A great example of stuff I think people shouldn't need to get married to obtain!) We could just elope and not tell anyone, really, but we knew that our parents would really like to see us have a wedding, and because we just want to make this committment to each other in front of all our family and friends. It's just hard to tease out the marriage license (which we're doing purely for bureaucratic reasons) from the committment that we're making to one another (which we don't think we need the state to validate, at all).
So I guess my conclusion is that marriage SHOULD be obsolete as a legal framework, but that as it stands, any two consenting adults should be able to do it. And on the social side, what isn't obsolete are committed relationships, but I don't think these need to be limited to the usual model... polyamorous relationships should be recognized as valid, too.
I don't believe in marriage for EVERYONE. I do believe in marriage for DH and I because we both believe in the idea of committing to one another for the rest of our lives, and marriage is a way of doing that. Neither of us has sacrificed a part of who we are or given up a part of ourselves to marry; we both wanted it equally.
However, I think it's foolish in our society when some people say they don't believe in it and then tie the knot simply because it seems like they "should." I have a friend who always said she never believed in marriage because she didn't think she could be monogamous, and guess what? He asked; she said yes. She got married and cheated on her husband.
I think that it is extremely responsible for people who do not want to lead a monogamous lifestyle where they commit to one person to not marry. I think that too often, we make these people feel like they are "weird" or "different," when in reality, we should be supporting them for not marrying if they don't feel they can uphold their end of the commitment.
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This is today's CNN's talkback question. Their article has good points but I don't agree with the idea (well duh, I'm in a weddingplanning website).
I don't think marriage's obsolete, but people stopped being forced into marriage by society.
What do you Bees think? Tell me why you still believe in marriage.