Is marriage important?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

A child is a much bigger commitment than marriage in my opinion.  I feel like if you can’t truly commit to a person, why commit to MAKING a person with them.  Of course to each their own, no judgement from me.

Post # 4
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

Where I live, people almost always have kids before they marry, if they marry at all. 

Post # 5
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

To me, I think that’s one of the main reasons for the existence of marriage. To pool resources to raise a family. If you don’t plan to have kids, I don’t think marriage is crucial, and I see only few reasons why one would need to get married. But for having kids, I think it’s beneficial for the children to be in a more or less stable environment. I would not like the idea of me having children outside of marriage.

Post # 6
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i would never have considered it. i guess mostly for stability for the child and for myself but also i can’t say that part of it isn’t due to judgements from others that would occur.

Post # 7
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

For me, I have zero plans to be a single mother. I’m not having a child with anyone unless we’ve made a marriage commitment. I want that security. For me it would feel very unstable to have a child with someone I am not married to because I would feel like he could bail at any time.

Granted, I have known other couples who have babies and get married later (my parents included) or never get married at all. They can make it work, but I sure can’t.

Post # 8
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

The sad thing is though, I see so many people having children outside of marriage, and then the couples break up (not that them getting married would have helped that). It’s not healthy for the children. It’s very beneficial for children to have both a solid mother and father figure. Sure a child can be healthy and be provided with everything concerning resources by a single parent, but it’s very hard for a mother to teach her son to be a man, and a father to teach his daughter to be a woman. But then again, just because your parents are married doesn’t mean they are teaching you how to grow up very well either. My FI is a perfect example, his father never really bonded with him growing up, so my FI you can tell, his personality is very heavily feminine influenced I guess you would say.

Post # 11
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i dont think its better to be married first…my fiance has kids but it didnt work with his ex..so he does say he wants to get married first before having any more…we would have had one before getting married (we lost it) and been completely fine with it and have the wedding when we could…i feel if the couple is strong enough and commited enough then its fine…marriage doesnt make everything better just because you have kids…we plan to get married and try for kids again right after!

Post # 12
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if someone’s not ready to commit themselves to me via marriage, i’m not ready to commit to creating a new life with them. Definitely marriage first for me.

Post # 13
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, because this is a wedding site, the responses to your question may be skewed. That said, I did read (not validated by anywhere else) recently that 40% of recent births in the US were to unmarried women. That says to me that a lot of women don’t think marriage is a requirement or important before having a baby. 

I grew up Catholic, so it’s pretty much ingrained in me to be married before baby. But beyond that, for me, I feel like baby is such a huge commitment that I would have wanted to be married first no matter what. 

Post # 15
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

While neither DH or I are religious or particularly traditional, we would not have had children before marriage. Though it was mostly because we don’t plan on having children until our early 30’s and we wanted to get married sooner, rather than later–we dated for 10 years first.

Also because we both believe in having a stable, committed relationship first. To us, marriage is a great first step toward that. Of course not all married couples are stable/committed, and we were stable/committed before marriage like many other couples. But intentionally having children before marriage just didn’t really occur to us or make much sense.

Post # 16
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Being married to someone doesn’t stop them from walking out the door when shit gets real. Regardless of baby before or after marriage.  

One can very easily become a single divorced mom. 

Marriage isn’t necessary for me to have a kid. But kids aren’t a necessity to me either.  

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