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In my family, it always always has been.
However, when I met my FI he staunchly believed that mother's day is for your MOM and that's it. No aunts, sisters, grandmas, not even the mother of your kids. This puzzled me, to the point where I took him to the Hallmark store and pointed out the rows of cards that were meant for women other than Mom.
We don't have kids together, and I'm not pregnant, nor trying, but yesterday, he made me Eggs Benedict and took me to a movie, saying that animal babies count just as much as human ones.
So, imo, yes, your husband sort of dropped the ball. But I'd be willing to go with he just didn't think about it, sometimes, men need to be told.
happy late mothers day! i would definitely expect something if i was a mom to be... in my own little world i think i already am a mom of our pup, but if there was an actual baby inside of me that would have been way bigger for us. some people are supersticious though... maybe he didn't want to say anything to jinx you until the baby is actually here.
I'm with you... but I also wouldn't be mad at him because I can see why he wouldn't know. I'm a huuuuge fan of clearly outlining expectations. We're about 5 years from even thinking about having kids and I have already told him that if I'm pregnant over a mothers day I fully expect to be pampered a bit. :) He said he wouldn't have thought of that but if thats what makes me happy thats what he'll do. I think guys are just dense so if you want something, a lot of times you need to say "this is what you can do to make me happy"
I share your disappointment. My husband is not very good at remembering to get cards and flowers for holidays in general. I anticipated that he would forget me on Mother's Day too so I gently reminded him 2 weeks ago that it would mean a lot to me if we could celebrate my first Mother's Day. He agreed...and then nothing.
I tried not to say anything all day in case he had something planned for later, but by midnight I knew it was over. I was almost in tears. It hurts me so much that he does not think of me as a mother, even though I am pregnant with his child, who we very much intended to conceive. It really broke my heart. We talked about it and he said that it is just not "real" for him yet and he doesn't feel like he's a father yet. I understand how he feels and I'm not mad but it still makes me very sad. We haven't told anyone yet, so he was the only one in the world who could have wished me a happy mother's day...and he didn't. I was hoping for something really special, but even a cheapo card would have been nice.
So yeah...I think mothers-to-be should get to enjoy the day too. I'm sorry you were left out. I hope you had a nice Mother's Day and I was thinking of the mothers-to-bee yesterday.
Maybe he will "get it" without the need to explain if you give him something thoughtful for fathers day? And maybe your not his mom, but for the next few years he will have to think ahead to help your baby plan something.
Ahhhhhh, sorry you were disappointed, MS. Maybe it's just that husbands don't really understand that pregnant women count as mothers! Anyway, my husband didn't say a word until we went into Coldstone yesterday and the lady behind the counter gave me a free Mother's day ice cream. :) After that, he said, "Happy Mother's Day," but I think the Coldstone lady kinda clued him in.
I definitely wasn't expecting anything for yesterday, as I don't necessarily quite feel like a mother yet. (Weird limbo place to be, with the baby coming any day now!) Plus, Mr. DG rarely does any kind of presents, cards, and has only given me flowers once ever!
We have always jokingly celebrated "Egg appreciation day" (which is why I just laughed about the eggs benedict!) and "Swimmer appreciation day" on Father's day, so maybe that is what prompted him to make such a big deal of yesterday.
His card made me cry and he bought me a very special Gin that we can celebrate with after Miss Lemon makes her appearance.
I don't know if it is appropriate to expect anything or not, but I'd definitely share my disappointment (gently) with your honey so that he doesn't drop the ball next year!
definitely you have to let him know your expectations and maybe he can make it up to a day or 2 late
My hubs bought 2 flowering plants earlier in the week, but instead of saying "happy mother's day" he kind of went through an awkward explanation of how he wasn't sure he needed them (the thought was nice, but it made it less oooey gooey the way he stated it)...so, if figured we were done, but he made me a card (we usually make cards, bc I have a lot of stamps/paper, etc) and got me a spa certificate after all...this time w/ no awkward explanation! (yep, sometimes I feel harsh, but I think you have to set expectations early on in your rel'nship...my friends who were lax early then tried to ask for more later always had a harder time, and my hubs is clueless on hints but follows through with direct requests)
Swimmer appreciation day...love that! Good for MrDG and good for you that he came up with a nice surprise for you.
ueah my mother's day was a complete dissapointment too. We haven't told the fams yet simply becasue we want to wait until we are far enough along. But DH didn't even say anything. sad face :(
Aww I am really sorry for those moms to be that didn't get some special treatment yesterday. I wasn't expecting much but I got a heart charm to put on my Tiffany bracelet w the baby's name on it. It was so sweet and meant a lot to me.
Thats a tough situation too bc its too late for him to make it up to you if you have to be the one to point it out to him but you don't want to hang on it to and be angry.
Aw, I think moms-to-be count for Mother's Day!!!
As for the guys who say it's only for THEIR mom...what about when they were a baby and couldn't do anything for their mom? Was dad (or whomever else was close) supposed to not do anything?? I've only ever heard that as an excuse to not have to do anything...never seriously though.
I am not sure how it is usually done, but my FI gave me some beautiful sunflowers and a mother to be card yesterday. It wasn't expected but very much appreciated and I could see how it could go either way with things.
I was hoping he would do something, even a card, but I wanted him to think of it on his own (so unfair, I know!). Lucky me he did - he got me a lounge chair for our outdoor space so I could enjoy it on maternity leave. So sweet, right? Yet I was still bummed he didn't get me a card. *sigh* Poor guy!
Anyways, I think you have every right to be disspaointed, and it is not selfish!! you are creating a life right now , you feel your child every day.....but at the same time, without knowing how you feel, your husband might not have even thought about you being a mom yet, just because it isn't as "real" for him right now as it is for you.
Can you tell him you are dissapointed without making him defensive?
@Mighty - I too share your disappointment!
My hubby and I have agreed long time ago that gifts weren't necessary for holidays and/or birthdays but he usually never listens to it. I always find 2 cards and at least a gift card (which I love) but this past Mother's day, I received nothing and the only reason I got a "Happy Mother's Day" (non-chalantly) out of his mouth was because I said I was already a step-pawrent to his dog. This totally disappointed me and I said it too. If noone else in the family had recognized this holiday then it wouldn't have bothered me so much but they all did. They all got me cards, called or text me to say HMD. I even got a ton of messages from FB. Yes, I know my DD isn't physically here but I do feel like a mother. I have been taking care of this child within for the last 8 months.
Oh and he already knows that he has to handle any future HMD for my children when they are too young to do it themselves. I thought he would have been sweet about this one :(
Definately for moms-to-be too, you ARE taking care of the embryo and already a mother!
I think its something that is really sweet,especially if it comes as a surprise. My husband gave me cards when I was pregnant and in those days he just added in his own words after the Mother (he wrote To Be). He was always a big card giver and still is,so that might be part of it.
For my second daughter,we ended up having her Christening party on Mother's Day at her Godfather's house. We got hanging plants for all the Mothers there that day, and the one thing I remember being crushed about was when my MIL gave a Happy Mother's Day card to her nephew's pregnant wife,and none to any of us that were already Mothers! How weird is that?
I also share your disappointment! Yesterday is when we actually told both of our moms that they would be grandmas! So I guess in some way I stole their thunder. Still, I prepared and served the whole lunch at our house and my husband didn't do anything special for me :( I even said, hey, you didn't tell me "Happy Mother's Day!" and he said I was not a mother yet! I was so tired I ended up going to bed while he and his mom and my mom sat and watched TV in our living room. THE NERVE!!!!
Both glad and sad that I'm not the only one! DH said he was distracted because I had been having contractions all weekend and he was waiting for me to tell him "it was time." I get it but then I was like...wait a tick...what if the baby HAD come? Don't tell me you don't have a gift waiting for me....or something special planned...oh hellz no. So now I have to figure out a way to tell him that he better have a present waiting for me on Birth Day. He doesn't get clues or hints, so I'll have to flat out tell him. *sigh* He can be so clueless sometimes...
I so share in your disappointment! DH didn't say anything, didn't get me anything, and even though I didn't necessarily expect it, I would have liked some recognition. but I shouldn't feel too bad...he didn't even get his own mother anything...I had to go to the store to get her a card and some flowers before we came over their house...sometimes he is sooo clueless!
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Beekeeper
Ok, I have to throw this out there...
I have the sweetest, most dedicated DH anyone could ask for. He is constantly helping me out and doing things for me. But neither of us are big gift givers, mostly we'll give each other a card for Valentine's Day or whatever holiday. But I have to admit that I was HUGELY disappointed yesterday when my darling father-to-be did not do ANYTHING for Mother's Day! Not breakfast, not a card, not flowers, he never even said "Happy Mother's Day!" It made me really sad just because I've been glowing over this pregnancy and he's been really great through the whole thing but I feel like he dropped the ball on a day that I was really looking forward to! I wanted to celebrate my first Mother's Day, even though I'm still a mother-to-be. Is that just a totally selfish attitude? Should I have expected anything or not?
(My family called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, but no cards from them either.)