(Closed) Is Mother’s Day celebrated for Mothers-to-Be?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

In my family, it always always has been.

However, when I met my FI he staunchly believed that mother’s day is for your MOM and that’s it.  No aunts, sisters, grandmas, not even the mother of your kids.  This puzzled me, to the point where I took him to the Hallmark store and pointed out the rows of cards that were meant for women other than Mom.

We don’t have kids together, and I’m not pregnant, nor trying, but yesterday, he made me Eggs Benedict and took me to a movie, saying that animal babies count just as much as human ones.

So, imo, yes, your husband sort of dropped the ball.  But I’d be willing to go with he just didn’t think about it, sometimes, men need to be told.

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

happy late mothers day! i would definitely expect something if i was a mom to be… in my own little world i think i already am a mom of our pup, but if there was an actual baby inside of me that would have been way bigger for us. some people are supersticious though… maybe he didn’t want to say anything to jinx you until the baby is actually here.

Post # 5
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m with you… but I also wouldn’t be mad at him because I can see why he wouldn’t know. I’m a huuuuge fan of clearly outlining expectations. We’re about 5 years from even thinking about having kids and I have already told him that if I’m pregnant over a mothers day I fully expect to be pampered a bit. 🙂 He said he wouldn’t have thought of that but if thats what makes me happy thats what he’ll do. I think guys are just dense so if you want something, a lot of times you need to say “this is what you can do to make me happy”

Post # 6
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I share your disappointment. My husband is not very good at remembering to get cards and flowers for holidays in general. I anticipated that he would forget me on Mother’s Day too so I gently reminded him 2 weeks ago that it would mean a lot to me if we could celebrate my first Mother’s Day. He agreed…and then nothing.

I tried not to say anything all day in case he had something planned for later, but by midnight I knew it was over. I was almost in tears. It hurts me so much that he does not think of me as a mother, even though I am pregnant with his child, who we very much intended to conceive. It really broke my heart. We talked about it and he said that it is just not “real” for him yet and he doesn’t feel like he’s a father yet. I understand how he feels and I’m not mad but it still makes me very sad. We haven’t told anyone yet, so he was the only one in the world who could have wished me a happy mother’s day…and he didn’t. I was hoping for something really special, but even a cheapo card would have been nice.

So yeah…I think mothers-to-be should get to enjoy the day too. I’m sorry you were left out. I hope you had a nice Mother’s Day and I was thinking of the mothers-to-bee yesterday.

Post # 7
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Maybe he will “get it” without the need to explain if you give him something thoughtful for fathers day? And maybe your not his mom, but for the next few years he will have to think ahead to help your baby plan something.

Post # 8
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Ahhhhhh, sorry you were disappointed, MS.  Maybe it’s just that husbands don’t really understand that pregnant women count as mothers!  Anyway, my husband didn’t say a word until we went into Coldstone yesterday and the lady behind the counter gave me a free Mother’s day ice cream.  🙂  After that, he said, “Happy Mother’s Day,” but I think the Coldstone lady kinda clued him in.

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I definitely wasn’t expecting anything for yesterday, as I don’t necessarily quite feel like a mother yet.  (Weird limbo place to be, with the baby coming any day now!)  Plus, Mr. DG rarely does any kind of presents, cards, and has only given me flowers once ever!

We have always jokingly celebrated “Egg appreciation day” (which is why I just laughed about the eggs benedict!) and “Swimmer appreciation day” on Father’s day, so maybe that is what prompted him to make such a big deal of yesterday.

His card made me cry and he bought me a very special Gin that we can celebrate with after Miss Lemon makes her appearance.

I don’t know if it is appropriate to expect anything or not, but I’d definitely share my disappointment (gently) with your honey so that he doesn’t drop the ball next year!

Post # 10
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

definitely you have to let him know your expectations and maybe he can make it up to a day or 2 late

My hubs bought 2 flowering plants earlier in the week, but instead of saying “happy mother’s day” he kind of went through an awkward explanation of how he wasn’t sure he needed them (the thought was nice, but it made it less oooey gooey the way he stated it)…so, if figured we were done, but he made me a card (we usually make cards, bc I have a lot of stamps/paper, etc) and got me a spa certificate after all…this time w/ no awkward explanation!  (yep, sometimes I feel harsh, but I think you have to set expectations early on in your rel’nship…my friends who were lax early then tried to ask for more later always had a harder time, and my hubs is clueless on hints but follows through with direct requests)

Post # 11
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

Swimmer appreciation day…love that! Good for MrDG and good for you that he came up with a nice surprise  for you.

Post # 12
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

ueah my mother’s day was a complete dissapointment too. We haven’t told the fams yet simply becasue we want to wait until we are far enough along. But DH didn’t even say anything. sad face 🙁

Post # 13
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Aww I am really sorry for those moms to be that didn’t get some special treatment yesterday. I wasn’t expecting much but I got a heart charm to put on my Tiffany bracelet w the baby’s name on it. It was so sweet and meant a lot to me. 

Thats a tough situation too bc its too late for him to make it up to you if you have to be the one to point it out to him but you don’t want to hang on it to and be angry. 

 

Post # 14
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Aw, I think moms-to-be count for Mother’s Day!!!

As for the guys who say it’s only for THEIR mom…what about when they were a baby and couldn’t do anything for their mom?  Was dad (or whomever else was close) supposed to not do anything??  I’ve only ever heard that as an excuse to not have to do anything…never seriously though.

Post # 15
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am not sure how it is usually done, but my FI gave me some beautiful sunflowers and a mother to be card yesterday. It wasn’t expected but very much appreciated and I could see how it could go either way with things.

Post # 16
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I was hoping he would do something, even a card, but I wanted him to think of it on his own (so unfair, I know!).  Lucky me he did – he got me a lounge chair for our outdoor space so I could enjoy it on maternity leave.  So sweet, right?  Yet I was still bummed he didn’t get me a card.  *sigh*  Poor guy!

Anyways, I think you have every right to be disspaointed, and it is not selfish!! you are creating a life right now , you feel your child every day…..but at the same time, without knowing how you feel, your husband might not have even thought about you being a mom yet, just because it isn’t  as “real” for him right now as it is for you.

Can you tell him you are dissapointed without making him defensive?

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