Post # 1
I usually post under a different username here so this isn’t actually my first post.
I don’t work in an office so I don’t see my boss every day but I often meet up with him for work related things. Some months ago before everyone went on holiday he asked me to have lunch together, I thought it was something work related but instead we just chatted the whole time. I actually later joked with a collegue who I’m good friends with that it was awkward “First date” chat (Like -do you have any siblings?) she remarked that I was the only person he’d ever taken out although we all have the same role and I am one of the “newest” people.But I didn’t really think much of it.
he is always very kind (for example texting to say have a nice flight if I go out of town) and also tends to get me involved with extra things that shouldn’t be my job but that i’m interested in.
A week ago we had a party all together (we do that every now and then to all get together since it’s a small team, my FI couldn’t attend because he was away on a work trip) and I danced with everyone my boss included. We all had a fair amount to drink. At the end of the evening he lent me his sweater since I was cold and i went home with it forgetting to give it back.
The next day (since we were all a bit drunk when we left the party) I texted him saying -in case you were wondering I still have your sweater-
He writes back immediately -I know :)-
later he calls me and says he was wondering if I had woken up in his sweater thinking something had happened between us. I said of course not but I thought it was an odd thing to say but he sounded like he was joking or at least half-joking. To me it just seems weird. i’d never say something like that unless I’d actually consider sleeping with someone.
he is in a relationship which is pretty much on the rocks, it’s kind of common knowledge but I’m very happy with my FI and I hope he knows this.
I’m just wondering if I’m just being oversensitive and it’s just nothing or if he is flirting.
Sorry for the long post I’m just slightly frazzled.
Post # 3
Yup, he is flirting with you. In general, I think flirting is fairly harmless.. until you mention that last text he sent you. That crosses a line.
I would be careful… like try not to drink around him. It’s situations like these where cheating can happen. I would just keep things friendly and cordial and try not to lead him on in any way whatsoever.
Post # 4
The lunch I could pass off as getting to know the newest co-worker and a sort of belated “welcome to the team”. And perhaps a new thing he just started.
The have a nice flight texts I could pass off as trying to be a good manager (assuming that he did this for everyone else).
The sweater was very gentlemanly – until the text message! “I know” is very cool and just, yeah, I know, I’ll get it back later. “I know :)” is far too sweet and intimate and THEN to ask if you thought you’d slept with him?! AND wanting to know if you’d woken up in it?! TOO FAR, that I cannot explain away.
That being said I don’t think he’s done anything report worthy. He hasn’t pressured you, he is “just” flirting. I would stop communicating with him outside of work (unless at a group party) and if he makes another move, clearly state that you are uncomfortable and are very happy with your FI. Anything after that is reportable.
Post # 5
Also, make sure your FI knows so that he doesn’t think anything is suspicous if he were to discover what happened through any other means except you telling him.
Post # 6
Yes and I also think taking his sweater and dancing with him could be sending him he wrong message. I would dial it back a bit and socialize only in a very professional way.
Post # 7
@Everdeen: That’s what i thought that’s why I never wonder about the lunch or the texts. But there are people that were hired after me in the company that he has never taken the time to get to know better.
But as I said until the texts and the did you wonder if we sleept together I didn’t really think about it.
Also the smiley face on I know. I’ve never ever seen him use a smiley face.
My FI knows and he thinks he is flirting, he just said that as a man he’d never make a joke like that if he actually hadn’t thought about sleeping with the girl.
Luckily he trusts me completely.
but thanks to you and @canarydiamond for your advice.
Post # 8
I thini the last text message took things too far.
Post # 9
@HappySky7: Everyone danced with everyone at the party, it would have probably been more weird if I hadn’t danced with him, as if I were avoiding him.
In the future I’d probably act differently.