Is my brother in the wrong or am I overly sensitive?

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: Are my hurt feelings justified?
    Yes : (6 votes)
    26 %
    No : (17 votes)
    74 %
  • Post # 2
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    amycatherine:  I think it totally makes sense that your feelings are hurt, HOWEVER, I would not change my wedding date and rush to the altar just to “beat” my sibling. Rise above the pettiness, prove that you are the mature one and keep your date. I certainly wouldn’t want to get married in a rush just to do something first.

    Post # 3
    42101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    amycatherine:  I think you are being very childish. But then again, your brother is still be playing the “one up game” with you too.

    It’s clear that you and your brother are not close so why do you let him keep pushing your buttons? If you change the date of your wedding, he will know that he got under your skin again.

    Why not just let your brother get his wedding over with, then you and your parents will be able to concentrate on your wedding?

    Post # 4
    1043 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Its sad and hurtful that they are planning a wedding without you but I think you’re completely overreacting being upset he is getting married first. how is he stealing your thunder?  He’ll be married and you’ll still have 9 more months to Have your thunder after his wedding. how does he getting married first means he “wins”?  It’s not a race to the alter. 

    Post # 5
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    eeeeek! that sucks they are leaving you out of the loop and that your bother has not invited you to his recently planned wedding 🙁 BUT i don’t think you should move your date up to get married first! maybe try talking to your brother? why wont FSIL add you on FB? are any other family members going to the wedding out west?

    Post # 6
    7915 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    You are explaining his choices through your own baggage. I understand being hurt he didn’t tell you- but it was reactionary and silly to move up your wedding date a full year. You WILL be the focus after his very soon wedding. But by moving your date you tried to make it a competition and a statement about family dynamics and not what it is- a happy coincidence that both your parents kids are getting married in the next year.

    Move back your date to 15 and be gracious and supportive- and tell your parents how much you are looking forward to your wedding as a bonding experience. I suggest you calm down and seperate your own feelings from the truth- he has a right to get married this sept and you will have almost a full year of your planning/wedding.

    Post # 7
    2894 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    amycatherine: why do you need this bs in your life again? Stop giving so much of yourself if it isn’t appreciated. 

    I get wanting approval but the moment I stopped trying so hard to get it was the moment my relationship with my parents got better. You can’t control other people so just focus on controlling what you can – your actions and reactions. 

    Post # 8
    1080 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I feel like there is much more to this story. You and Greg obviously don’t get along…at all. You are his sister and aren’t invited to his wedding so I think there is some huge thing you are leaving out.

    Also, your brother is getting married almost a YEAR before you…I wouldn’t say that is thunder being stolen. If you honestly feel like your brother has been the golden child all these years (for apparently no reason) then fine. Now shouldn’t be any different. Have the wedding you want and get on with your life.

    Post # 10
    943 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    amycatherine:  just a thought… Maybe the fiancee is pregnant and they are quickly getting married before telling anyone? I’m not sure if that would be important to her/him, but it’s a possibility.

    Post # 11
    631 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Dont change yours, stop living by what other people think. Have your wedding, how and when you want for you and your FI and love each other. Easier said than done, i know, but forget what anyone else wants. If you base your happiness on someone elses approval youll never be happy. Now, Yes it sucks what has happened to you. your feelings being hurt are totally justified and If they exclude you from their life like that, why fight to bring them into yours? You deserve better!!

    Post # 12
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I do think you have a right to feel upset about finding out about the engagement on Facebook and generally feeling excluded from thwit wedding plans. 

    However, I do not think you should change your date. It makes you seem childish. It is also unrealistic to expect them to wait until you are married to get married. For some people it is important to have a long engagement, Other people want a shorter engagement for various reasons. I don’t think it will steal your thunder. Just think once they are married you will have 9 months where the thunder will be all yours!

    Post # 13
    736 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    amycatherine:  I’m sorry that you feel this way in your family and I can understand the hurt given the way the dynamic is. 

    The trouble with situations such as yours is that by you reacting to the treatment that is dished out, you allow the cyclical nature of it all to continue, and around you go again until you put a stop to it. Your parents view you as emotionally immature (and thus treat you like a child), your brother stirs up your emotions, and you react. Moving your wedding date up was a rash decision fuelled by emotion, which in your parents eyes, confirms that you are less than emotionally mature/competent, etc., and as a result, you will be treated like a child. And so it goes.

    The entire situation is definitely hurtful and yes, you have every reason to be hurt. However, you need to stop reacting to it in order to stop the pattern. This will likely take a while (maybe a few years), but over time if you live your life and display maturity, security in your decisions and don’t let yourself get riled up in these types of situations, your family will likely begin to respect you as an adult. And in the worst case, if not, you will have grown confident in yourself enough that it won’t affect you to the degree it does now. 


    Post # 15
    42101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    amycatherine:  If Shawn and I hadn’t have picked out a date then I would have no reason at all to be upset with them picking this September but because we have ready picked out a date, why couldn’t they wait until after?

    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>Newsflash: Nobody is obligated to wait until their sibling is married before they plan their own wedding. Your brother and his fiancee do not have to live their life by your clock.</div>

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