Post # 1
Today, I was showing him some of Maggie Sottero’s gowns that just came out. When I showed him the Priscilla, he said he didn’t like the bodice because the boning made it look boxy, shapeless, and unnatural. He also said that boning flattens your chest. When I said that that’s never been true in my experience and that boning is very flexible, he said it didn’t matter because there’s no way that boning couldn’t do what he said it does. He just kept going on and on about the “logic” of the matter, apparently not realizing that I’ve worn women’s clothes and he hasn’t, so I should know what they do to MY body. He seems to think he knows more about fashion than I do because he’s “studied” it (i.e. looked things up on the Internet).
I told him I’d just stop showing him dresses and surprise him with my choice because that dress wasn’t my favorite, so it wasn’t even important, and he got offended and said that his opinion should influence my choice and that we should agree on everything. He finally calmed down and admitted he was being a jerk when I said that I want to choose what I like best because when he sees me on our wedding day, he should think I’m beautiful because I’m me, not because I’m wearing a dress he likes.
Was he being ridiculous, or was I, or were we both? Is it wrong for me to want to surprise him even though he doesn’t want to be surprised?
Post # 3
Yes! I think you both were being ridiculous. I would compromise, tell him you want to surprise him but ask him to start looking at dresses and letting you know what you like. Tell him to pick a dozen or so and then if you both agree on a style, you can then go pick out your dress in that style or similar style and still surprise him, but he will be happy that he was able to help 🙂
Post # 4
@NatAndTy: As a guy I’m somewhat surprised he has even heard of “boning”, your post was literally the first I’ve ever heard the time and I just got married haha! (admittedly I was a pretty hands off groom / fiancee)
My thought is that although your second last paragraph pretty much answers your own question chances are it will be something your fiance will keep thinking about (depending on his personality but your post makes him seem somewhat detail orientated) and as such I’d try and avoid this become a resituation next time he thinks of it.
To do that I’d get him to point out some of the things he does like so he feels included and then show him things you like etc. It will be important for you to go into this with an open mind and be constructive with any feedback you give him otherwise I guarantee he will get defensive again. Make it something collaborative and then surprise him from there, it isn’t like he is going to be able to truly visualise any alterations etc you put on it. (Again in my experience as a guy I can’t visualise clothes on girls unless they are right infront of me)
This may seem like pandering to him, but he is your FI for a reason, show him the love!
Post # 5
Thanks guys. We’ve been looking at dresses a lot together (mostly online and once in a store, but he hasn’t actually seen any on me), and that definitely helps us each understand what the other likes. I’m just afraid I’ll pick something and he’ll think it’s hideous; since he hasn’t seen any of the dresses on me, there could be a dress he thinks is hideous on the model and great on me, or vice versa. /:
Post # 6
@NatAndTy: HAHAHA (And I mean that in the nicest way) you could pick a dress he hates and I guarantee he will still think you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen when the day comes.
That is all that matters, I’ve been to a bunch of weddings now, and the one thing you never see is a disappointed groom!
Post # 7
Stuff like this simply isn’t worth getting worked up over — whether it’s from your perspective or his.
A take away point from this, perhaps, is that you can’t force your opinion on someone. So, so often couples fight because each is focusing on getting their point across, making sure the other gets it, and that they’re understood/heard/etc. Sounds he was especially doing that; not a big deal, YOU have the opportunity to influence his actions based upon how you respond.
If he wants to be involved and OK with stuff, awesome, that can be arranged, right? Not a big issue at all.
Post # 8
Continue to show him pictures so he feels included and you can get a sense of what he likes. It’d probably be good to know he think ruffles are ridiculous if you were thinking about a ruffled dress, for example. Ultimately it’s your dress and you should be happy, but you also want him to be pleased with what he sees on your wedding day. But I wouldn’t worry about things he says about how boning makes a dress look and blah blah blah. He has no idea what he’s talking about because boning is designed to do exactly the opposite of what he said. On the day of all he’s going to care about is how good you look in the dress, not whether or not there’s boning.
Post # 9
You’re both being riduclous but you both have valid feelings on the matter.
Show him shapes of dresses and things you particularly like/ dislike and get his opinion. Then go from there.
Post # 10
Ask him what type and style of dress he likes, and then surprise him on your wedding day with your own interpretation of what he likes. I would be sad if FI said he didn’t like the type of dress that I did, but I think we sometimes forget, as females, that certain parts of fashion are just plain strange to males. My FI would probably have no idea what ‘boning’ is and would probably make a face if I said my dress had it, b/c it sounds so weird.