(Closed) Is my FI rude or am I just overreacting?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I overreacting?
    Yes, you need to chill out! : (14 votes)
    18 %
    No, address his rude behavior! : (63 votes)
    82 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee

    The behaviour you describe sounds very inconsiderate.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    These sound really benign. I would just talk to him about it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee

    I would address his behaviour. What he did to the server is plain mean. Not leaving a tip would probably have been enough to display your dissatisfaction.

    As for how he is at home,he sounds thoughtless and selfish. Has he always been this way? 

    Post # 6
    Hostess
    8580 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think the first part was very rude, and you are a tad bit overracting on the 2nd part. Yeah, he shouldnt had followed you into the living room and blasted his music, but you were already previously embarrassed and mad at him from the prior events. We tend to see alot more flaws from people we are mad at.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Talk to him about it, he sounds like a child.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1856 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    The things about the leftovers and the music, not really a big deal – yes, he could more considerate, but did you ask him to put your food in, or to turn down the music?

    About the tip. This really depends for me – did you guys let the server know the order was wrong? How was it dealt with? Was his service for you otherwise good? I won’t tip or will give a small tip (and will leave a politely worded note saying why, so they don’t just think I’m cheap) if service is truly awful, but just for a wrong order? As long as they fixed the issue and were otherwise good, I still tip.

    Post # 10
    Member
    8164 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’ve always found the way people treat servers is a good indication of what kind of person they are…

    Post # 11
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee

    @MissKPreK:  I think if you don’t address it you could end up being really resentful. It seems like small things like blasting music when you are trying to read or not putting your dinner in the microwave but sometimes lots of little things can add up to a bigger problem.

    I would try and talk to him about it and just say it hurts when he is inconsiderate towards you. Or you could try giving him a taste of his own medicine ans stop doing the considerate little things you for him,sometimes men just don’t get it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    You need to address these things because you haven’t been able to forget about them. The tip thing is pretty shocking, and it sounds like it revealed a part of his personality (vindictive, petty, critical) that you hadn’t really seen before. I would imagine that you can’t get over this because you’re imagining dealing with a lifetime of cleaning up after behavior like that — and wondering when/if it could be directed at you.

    I’d talk through the tip thing (which is a much bigger deal than the other stuff) separately so that he can understand 1) that it was really inappropriate and 2) that it really shook you up.  But rather than bring up the leftover, I would wait until the next inconsiderate thing happens around the house and deal with it then by asserting your needs calmly. “Honey, I’m reading. Can you put on headphones?”

    Post # 14
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    The only thing that would really bother me is the tip situation. Having worked in food, I feel really sympathetic towards servers/cooks/etc. and I can tell when they are having a bad day or if something wasn’t necessarily their fault. Therefore, unless the server was blatantly rude to me personally, I always leave a tip.

    The other things may have annoyed me for a moment, but I wouldn’t dwell on it. Sometimes my FI gets a drink without asking me if I want one, or he will forget to get me one, etc. Usually I don’t bring it up but if I do, he apologizes and goes to get me one.

    Honestly, the only thing I’d bring up is the restaraunt behavior. I personally don’t believe in treating other people that way even when they’ve made mistakes.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1257 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think that the waiter this was rude. As someone who used to work in food service, everyone has their bad nights. The music thing I don’t know about. Is it rude in general, yes, but it may also just be that he is oblivious. My FI starts spinning records ALL THE TIME when I am reading a book or watching tv in the living room. It does often annoy me. I usually say something if it is that important to me. Otherwise, I just get up and go to the bedroom upstairs. I have learned to realize that that is just the way my FI is and it is something I  have learned to live with. Usually when I point out that he just turns down the music and apologizes or puts his head phones into the turn tables. I think you should say something if it really annoys you. The not heating up your leftovers after he heats up his is not a big deal to me. I don’t see the problem. But I also prefer to heat up  my own food. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Sometimes people do things without thinking about how it will affect others. When your guy does something like that, just talk to him about it.

    I have definitely asked my DH to do things or to stop doing things that annoy me. It goes over pretty well especially if I go about it like “Hey, babe, next time you take a shower, can you turn the music down?” I also make it a point to ask befre I do something that may irritate him “Hey, babe. Do you mind if I watch TV in bed?” that way, if he does something inconsiderate I can remind him how considerate I have been trying to be.

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