Post # 1
This is my first emotional post and I’m really upset. Lately, I can’t help but notice how rude my FI has been. Not just towards me but to others as well. A few nights ago we went out to dinner. The service was slow our server got my order wrong. I felt really bad for our server becasue he dropped some drinks and they spalttered all over some customers and his boss. His boss publicly repremaned him. It’s time to pay our bill and my FI doesn’t leave a tip. Instead he writes a note to the server listing all the things he did wrong. I was so embarrassed. I pulled out my wallet and left our server a tip anyway.
Since that day, I’ve noticed every single rude thing he’s done. We were heating up leftovers and when his food was finished he didn’t even bother putting mine in the microwave and that irritated the crap out of me. And this morning, I’m relaxing reading a book and he goes to take a shower and blasts the radio from his tablet. I’m annoyed, so I grab my earplugs and go read in the living room. He comes out a while later asks why I left and I told him it was because of the music. He says oh and continues to listen to his music in the living room. I go back to the bedroom and I can’t even see straight I’m so mad.
Do you guys think im overreacting and should let it go or should I address his behavior??
Post # 3
The behaviour you describe sounds very inconsiderate.
Post # 4
These sound really benign. I would just talk to him about it.
Post # 5
I would address his behaviour. What he did to the server is plain mean. Not leaving a tip would probably have been enough to display your dissatisfaction.
As for how he is at home,he sounds thoughtless and selfish. Has he always been this way?
Post # 6
I think the first part was very rude, and you are a tad bit overracting on the 2nd part. Yeah, he shouldnt had followed you into the living room and blasted his music, but you were already previously embarrassed and mad at him from the prior events. We tend to see alot more flaws from people we are mad at.
Post # 7
@Lindarella: Yes, he has. But it never really bothered me until recently. I don’t know how to talk about it now since I never complained about it before.
Post # 8
Talk to him about it, he sounds like a child.
Post # 9
The things about the leftovers and the music, not really a big deal – yes, he could more considerate, but did you ask him to put your food in, or to turn down the music?
About the tip. This really depends for me – did you guys let the server know the order was wrong? How was it dealt with? Was his service for you otherwise good? I won’t tip or will give a small tip (and will leave a politely worded note saying why, so they don’t just think I’m cheap) if service is truly awful, but just for a wrong order? As long as they fixed the issue and were otherwise good, I still tip.
Post # 10
I’ve always found the way people treat servers is a good indication of what kind of person they are…
Post # 11
@MissKPreK: I think if you don’t address it you could end up being really resentful. It seems like small things like blasting music when you are trying to read or not putting your dinner in the microwave but sometimes lots of little things can add up to a bigger problem.
I would try and talk to him about it and just say it hurts when he is inconsiderate towards you. Or you could try giving him a taste of his own medicine ans stop doing the considerate little things you for him,sometimes men just don’t get it.
Post # 12
@kittyface: I didnt ask him to put my food in or turn his music down. I just assumed after all this time we’ve been together he would just know.
The server fixed my order. But the slow service we didn’t let the server know.
Post # 13
You need to address these things because you haven’t been able to forget about them. The tip thing is pretty shocking, and it sounds like it revealed a part of his personality (vindictive, petty, critical) that you hadn’t really seen before. I would imagine that you can’t get over this because you’re imagining dealing with a lifetime of cleaning up after behavior like that — and wondering when/if it could be directed at you.
I’d talk through the tip thing (which is a much bigger deal than the other stuff) separately so that he can understand 1) that it was really inappropriate and 2) that it really shook you up. But rather than bring up the leftover, I would wait until the next inconsiderate thing happens around the house and deal with it then by asserting your needs calmly. “Honey, I’m reading. Can you put on headphones?”
Post # 14
The only thing that would really bother me is the tip situation. Having worked in food, I feel really sympathetic towards servers/cooks/etc. and I can tell when they are having a bad day or if something wasn’t necessarily their fault. Therefore, unless the server was blatantly rude to me personally, I always leave a tip.
The other things may have annoyed me for a moment, but I wouldn’t dwell on it. Sometimes my FI gets a drink without asking me if I want one, or he will forget to get me one, etc. Usually I don’t bring it up but if I do, he apologizes and goes to get me one.
Honestly, the only thing I’d bring up is the restaraunt behavior. I personally don’t believe in treating other people that way even when they’ve made mistakes.
Post # 15
I think that the waiter this was rude. As someone who used to work in food service, everyone has their bad nights. The music thing I don’t know about. Is it rude in general, yes, but it may also just be that he is oblivious. My FI starts spinning records ALL THE TIME when I am reading a book or watching tv in the living room. It does often annoy me. I usually say something if it is that important to me. Otherwise, I just get up and go to the bedroom upstairs. I have learned to realize that that is just the way my FI is and it is something I have learned to live with. Usually when I point out that he just turns down the music and apologizes or puts his head phones into the turn tables. I think you should say something if it really annoys you. The not heating up your leftovers after he heats up his is not a big deal to me. I don’t see the problem. But I also prefer to heat up my own food.
Post # 16
Sometimes people do things without thinking about how it will affect others. When your guy does something like that, just talk to him about it.
I have definitely asked my DH to do things or to stop doing things that annoy me. It goes over pretty well especially if I go about it like “Hey, babe, next time you take a shower, can you turn the music down?” I also make it a point to ask befre I do something that may irritate him “Hey, babe. Do you mind if I watch TV in bed?” that way, if he does something inconsiderate I can remind him how considerate I have been trying to be.