Post # 1
ok so this is going to be a little long but here is my problem
my SO and i have decided to get married around september next year so we have been looking at ways to save up which is kinda hard because we live together and share bills. so i decided that i could get a part time job just to put some money away because i dont want to go into debut over this wedding.
so i have a job interview to day and i asked my mom if she could help me put wit my resume because she is an expert and, i really want this job, and she brings up that SO should get another job too which i am totally against. then she started with the “is u wanna slave away saving for this wedding while he sits home pretty thats your problem” and crap like that.
i would understand where she was coming from if he didnt have a job or just sat around but thats not the case at all. he already took on working on his day off so that he could make enough to pay all the rent himself, he doesnt ask me for a penny. he also pays the cable and most of the time he is always putting gas in my car. his job, since its in NY, requires him to walk around all day and he is usually exhuasted after work. he also comes out at weird hours every day some time he will be out by 12 and some times he has to stay till 7.
my job on the other hand is in a nice comfty office and i sit on my ass all day long because lord forbid they ever see us away from our desks. i work from 830 to 430 and i have the weekends off. i feel like its easier for me to have two jobs. some time i feel like he works so hard for us to keep us happy and i want to do the same for him by having the wedding that not only i emagined but also they way that he wants it too
am i just being too defensive and is my mother right or am i being totally resonable and she is nuttsss???
Post # 3
I dont think so. As long as in the long run you arent going to feel resentment because you are working so much or so hard. It sounds like his job is pretty demanding though. I dont think its wrong for you to get another job. Plus it will give you something different that sitting at your desk all day. You gotta do what you gotta do to not go in debt over one day, no matter how important the day is 🙂 good luck, I think she is saying these things out of a good place, but as long as your comfortable with it go for it.
Post # 4
@organizedbride11: *sigh* thanks so much i really needed advice becasue its been bothering me all day.
his job is super demanding he works with beer all day so he has to carry cases and cases at a time.
i dont think i will feel resentment because im kinda of excited to get this job and to not sit around the house after i get home (i could lose a few pounds lol)
but thank you again now i feel better about my decision and hopefull i get this job 🙂
Post # 5
You say that you decided you wanted to pick up another job, so apart from supporting you in your decision, your significant other really has nothing to do with it. Your mother just dragged him into the discussion. I wonder why she perceived it this way though. I hope you defended him to her politely, which from the sound of your statements I bet you did. I think only time will truly show her that the two of you make a good team. If she brings this kind of talk up again, just continue to be positive about your decision and hopefully she’ll come around.
Post # 6
I can see her traditional and protective attitudes comming out!
The important part is to make it known how hard your FI works and what he does to contribute to your life together.
Hopefully your FI is on board as well or would he prefer the extra money go to bills? Regardless, Hang in there! Do whatever makes things work:) I commend yall on not wanting any debt for your wedding- it will be a great start to your marriage and finances.
Post # 7
Your not wrong. She is being concerned but I can see why you feel that its not her place to make such comments, when she has no background to make an informed opinion. Now that you see how she may ruaway with things, in the future perhaps you should limit what you share with her. How you run your household with your FH is your business. You didn’t ask her for advice you asked for a resume update.
Post # 8
The relationship is between you and your man. If he has two jobs, or you have two jobs, or whatever, it is between the two of you.
Perhaps touch on the fact that you’re willing to take on another job because you love and respect your SO; you take a potential burden as your own because you love him. If people look at me oddly or whatnot because I won’t do X or something, I tell them I have a husband and my decision is based out of my love for him.
DH > everything else but God.
Post # 9
you guys are right and thanks for the input i appreciate it 🙂
Post # 10
Like PP said, I think your Mom is being a little over-protective here. Some people have full-time jobs that just don’t lend themself (in terms of scheduling) to getting a part-time job – you, luckily, are not in that position! You should reiterate to your Mom that your guy does work hard to support you and your relationship, and that this is just your way of temporarily helping out, and getting your wedding (and marriage) off on the right foot. I’m in a similar position – cushy office job, so I could take on an extra part tiem gig to help with some of the expenses. My FI, though, has an hour+ commute each way, and is expcted to work late frequently, so taking on something extra wouldn’t be feasible for him. He helps out in other ways, though, to save for the wedding.
Post # 12
If you having the second job is better than him having the second job, then that’s how you do it. Plus, if it’s just to save for a wedding, then you won’t have to worry about having 2 jobs forever. Your mom should be proud you are such a go-getter, since that means less money from her in the long run towards your big day!
I do know where you are coming from though…when I told my mom a while ago I thought having 2 jobs would help FI and I out with our house, she practically cried. I’m not sure why. It was so bizarre.