- 3 years ago
Hi bees! I’ve always gotten such great advice here so I thought I would see what you all think about what’s going on in my life right now.
My SO and I have been together for 3 years. After college, I moved 5 hours from my hometown to my current city to be close to him as he had recently made a career move. I found a job that I love and have been here for 8 months now. I live in my own apartment away from my SO.
Two months ago, my friend from college also got a job in my current city. Let’s call her B. B and I were not super close in college, but knew each other well enough to hang out in the same circle sometimes. She contacted me and proposed the idea that we be roommates as I have an extra bedroom. I wasn’t big on the idea just because I had a roommate all through college and thought that would be over once I graduated. But, my SO and I have plans to get engaged (he has either just purchased the ring or will purchase in the next month) and move in together when my lease ends in March. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity for me to save a great deal of money which would help my SO and I in the near future. B also works night-shift at the local hospital and I work full-time during the day so I figured this would be an ideal situation because our schedules are opposite. So after I thought about it for a few weeks I agreed and B moved into my apartment.
Our living situation has been ideal because we are rarely in the apartment at the same time. There are of course little things that bother me but overall I didn’t have any major complaints about living together – until weird things with SO started happening.
There have been a few instances when SO and B have been in my apartment without me – like when he’s supposed to come over and he beats me there by a few minutes, but that has happened only a couple of times. I started noticing that B was talking about SO a lot. He started coming up in our conversations very, very frequently and I wasn’t the one bringing him up. She would say things like, “SO told me that he did this at work” or “I told SO this”. She would even say things like “I’m not sure if SO told you but he’s doing this.” I brought it up to SO and he said that B is very talkative to him when he is over, so much that she will even talk to him through the wall while he is in my room. At one point he even told me that B was confiding in him about things that were very personal (past relationship issues) and I thought it was kind of weird because she had never even told me those things. It started to bother me a little but I couldn’t put my finger on why exactly so I told myself I was overreacting and let it go, but I did mention to SO that I would rather he and B not be alone in the apartment unless necessary just for various reasons.
A couple of months have gone by and nothing worse had happened until Monday. SO was off work and so was B. SO spent the day in town running errands (ring shopping) and was waiting for me to get off work because we were going to have dinner that night. SO’s apartment is 40 minutes from mine so he didn’t want to go back home. I texted B and asked her if she was home because if not, SO was going to hang out in my room until I got off work in a few hours. B replied and said “No, I’m in town and won’t be home for a while so that’s fine”. Well, apparently B thought it would be a good idea to message SO her phone number on Facebook. The message also said “Text me.” SO was confused as to what she wanted so he texted her. He let me read the conversation that evening when I got home and it went like this:
SO: Hey this is SO. Are you trying to get in touch with Paigey22?
B: No I just wanted to let you know I won’t be home for a while. I’m hanging out downtown. You’re welcome to join.
SO: Actually I’m ring shopping today but thanks.
B: Well if you come out I’ll buy you a drink.
SO didn’t respond and that was the end of the conversation. Bees, this bothers me. They do not know each other well and they are not friends. They didn’t know each other at all prior to earlier this year when they met through me. I feel kind of disrespected by B because I can’t ever see myself texting a friend’s significant other and asking them to hang out without my friend for any reason. I played dumb and kept quiet toward B regarding this because I wanted to see if she would mention what happened to me. It’s been two days and she hasn’t said anything to me about it. I feel really uncomfortable about the entire situation but I just want to tell myself that I’m overreacting. SO is very, very handsome. I know I’m biased but everyone frequently refers to his looks and he is hit on regularly so I can’t help but think she’s interested or something. SO and I both have friends of the opposite sex and SO is close with almost all of my friends – but even they would never ask him to hang out without me. What do you all think? How should I handle this?