Post # 1
Sorry for the pity party but my wedding is about a month away and I am feeling like a lot of my friends do not care about it. I had a falling about with one of our mutual friends who got married a month ago and and since then, some of my friends (who are also friends with the july bride) haven’t been to any of my wedding celebrations (shower, bach party, etc) and have made no effort to be happy for me. I do tend to avoid conflict so I don’t want to call them out on anything but am I being a big baby? I also feel like I tend to do nice things out of my way for other people (just cause I like too, not for anything in return) and I have to remind myself not to be surprised when people don’t do the same for me.
Am I crazy or is anything else experiencing similar things? (on a positive note, my fiance, Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids are amazing so I have that much I guess )
Post # 3
As long as your close family/friends and love are there on the big day everything will be great..
Post # 4
If I were you, I would talk to those people and see if they are coming…
Post # 5
I would just re-confirm that they’re counting for budgetary reasons, but not harp on it with them! Enjoy all the guests who did make the effort to be there!
Post # 6
You can ask to make sure they’re coming so you don’t pay for an empty chair. Other than that – no, your wedding is not as important to anyone else as it is to you. Just remember it’s for you and you’ll be throwing a great party for anyone who wants to show up. Their loss if they don’t.
I mean, if one of your friends goes on and on about their kids’ birthday party do you really care or do you just want to cut her off and say “so what Saturday do I have to cancel all my other plans to hang out with your family?”
Post # 7
@rahrahrach: If it bothers you, you need to confront the problem asap or live with it and deal with the possibility of regret.
Post # 8
I felt this way a little too when I got married. I think the reason is because as the bride the wedding is so built up in our minds that we’re just like, whoa this is HUGE. But to everyone else it’s so totally not! The people that mattered to me (my mom, sister, husband, dad, and bridesmaids) came through for me and made me feel so special. The fact that a bunch of people I would’ve loved to have come ended up declining didn’t even matter in the end.
Post # 9
Sorry, but I think you’re being unreasonable. Your wedding is YOUR major life event, not everyone else’s. I’d focus on the people who will be at the wedding and not worry about the others.
Post # 10
I guess I should clarify, I’m not upset that people aren’t making a huge fuss about my wedding (i’m not really asking that much of anyone actually, our wedding is pretty low key and i’m an event planner by trade so i’m fine with taking care of things). I’m more or less bummed that my wedding doesn’t seem as important to my friends as other weddings going on. For instance, for one of my friends, I attended (and bought a gift) for 2 bridal showers and helped throw a separate shower for her as well and she won’t even spend $40 for my bach party.
Also, I know who is and isn’t attending the wedding its just kinda sad for me that some of my friends haven’t been at any of the wedding events and it makes me feel like its just not important to them.
I think I just expect too much out of other people sometimes :/
Post # 11
Check with them to confirm headcounts, but leave the rest alone.
The closer our weddings get, the more they consume us. But for our friends, and even some family, it’s just something to do that day. They have stuff to do lots of days, and this doesn’t loom any larger than anything else. They have a whole month of meetings, and dates, and projects, and parties, and other things to do before your wedding.
Post # 12
One thing – I am not sure what the falling out with the July bride was about, but perhaps your mutual friends picked a side, and that side was not yours? Any insight on that being the underlying problem if these friends are generally supportive or you and have been for other weddings?
Post # 13
@dashwoodgirl: yeah unfortunately i do think some of my friends chose sides. i never put the pressure on them to do that but i think that has cause us to drift. i have never thought a wedding (or weddings) would be something to pull friendships apart! 🙁
Post # 14
Something to consider too is the massive time and money commitment weddings seem to demand. Perhaps it’s simply a case of people being tapped out for time and money.
I generally decline invitations to bachelorette parties because I really don’t enjoy them and I don’t have a lot of time to spend with friends and family anyway. Much of the time I send a very nice gift rather than give up my time for a shower, too. Most brides don’t seem to understand that these parties are very unenjoyable for a lot of people.
As we get older, time is a hot commodity! I wouldn’t take it personally at all.
Cout yourself lucky that your close friends and family are so supportive.
Post # 15
I think honesty is the best policy and reach out to them and ask.