Post # 1
FI’s mother is such a slob! Her house ranges from messy to filthy (piles of crap everywhere, filthy floors that haven’t been washed in several months, disgusting bathroom with hair in every corner and yellow scum in the toilet). Her room is filled with dirty clothing, dirty dishes, and general clutter.
She comes to our house and leaves messes here too. She made a sandwich and left everything on the counter. Uh, hello! Mayo, cheese and turkey need to go back in the fridge. I didn’t notice for about 4 hours so I threw it all away.
She is generally very immature. Like if you bring up a legitimate gripe, she’ll attack you over something else and change the subject. I think she’s immature, but FI thinks she is just “too laid back”.
Post # 3
I have a lot of other words for her behavior than immaturity. Such as being a poor communicator, being defensive, being lazy, having poor habits, etc…
Post # 4
I don’t even know that it’s “laziness” necessarily as it is a learned habit. She may also just be a hoarder. I know, it sounds extreme, but the way you’ve described her house is just like my best friend’s mother – except we KNOW she is a hoarder. It’s disgusting. I will never set foot in her house, again.
Post # 5
@MsJ2theZ: Yea – depression, rude, lazy, etc.
I don’t think immature when I think of slobs.
Post # 6
Not everyone has the same standards and not meeting yours doesn’t make her immature. She’s sound like a slob but it may not be laziness. Maybe it’s just total disregard. I’d definitely say something about messes being left in my house though.
Post # 7
When she’s at your house, then I’d say it’s inconsiderate and rude, especially if there was no emergency or something that prevented her from cleaning up after herself.
Post # 8
Sounds like bad habits to me. My mom is one of the more mature people I know but she’s terrible about looking after herself.
That being said, it sounds like your FMIL is messy AND immature. I’d just argue that that two aren’t necessarily linked.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
In this case, maybe, but not always.
Neatness is a component of personality and some people are not naturally tidy. Those people have to make an active effort to fight their personality and clean up in order to meet societal expectations. That can be very taxing. Plus, it doesn’t match how those people think about the world and information and how they organize things. Often, such people have a harder time finding the things they need and getting tasks done in a tidy environment than in what looks chaotic to everyone else. No amount of maturity will change that. That’s like saying it’s immature to be introverted or idealistic or to express any other aspect of personality.
Such people can still put away perishable items and keep an area sanitary and safe. Your FMIL is being lazy or immature.
Post # 10
I don’t know that this has anything to do with how mature your FMIL is.
I’m messy, but more in an organization way than an everything-is-dirty way. For me, it’s a habit and personality quirk. I like it when things are organized, but I’ll take things out and not put them away right away and then it becomes an overwhelming job to start picking things up, which sometimes causes me to shut down. I’m also a very anxious person, and I think that plays a role. I also use my creative side as a (poor) excuse. 😛
That being said, if I knew people were coming over, I would clean the bathroom, kitchen, floors, and pick up common areas. And I would never go to anyone else’s house and make a mess (like the sandwich situation…wtf?). I’m a very big propenent of respecting other peoples’ spaces and property and I would feel very bad if I made a mess elsewhere and didn’t clean it up promptly.
Post # 11
I think she’s mostly just a slob and doesn’t care. If that’s how you define immaturity, then bingo.
Post # 12
@bunny_foo_foo: There are two households that I personally know that are dirty/filthy and from what I have been told by other third parties is that in the past their houses were immaculate and the Mothers of the household had a lot of kids pretty close together and eventually just stopped caring becuase either they were not getting any help or the task just got too big to handle. Perhaps that explains her house? But I certainly don’t know why she would leave messes at other people’s houses.
Post # 13
I was going to say no, as I’ve been guilty of leaving socks near the couch, or my coat on a chair.. but food?! Nope. There’s a difference between being messy/ leaving things laying around and dirtiness.
She’s disrespectful and a slob. You mention she’s immature, I’d bring it up over email. MY FI’s mom is sensitive so if he needs to talk about anything that could be misconstrued by her, he does it by email.. they can articulate themselves better and the situation gets resolved instead of her getting upset and a bigger argument happening. I would never tolerate someone doing that in my home.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s immaturity. I don’t think it’s necessarily laziness either. Everyone has different cleaning standards.
ETA: I don’t make our bed everyday. My mom told me it’s lazy to not make it but I don’t think it’s because I’m lazy. It’s because I don’t care. Just different standards.
Post # 15
@bunny_foo_foo: Sounds more like ADHD.
Post # 16
Being a slob is not a sign an automatic sign of immaturity or anything else.
It sometimes just means that the person’s mind functions / is wired in a different way.
Witness one of the most famous slobs of all time:
Nothing wrong with this man… he was just preoccupied in life with “other things”
Now hoarding… that is a mental illness, that is often rooted in a tragic event, and that is a whole other ball of wax.
(Hoarders tend to collect / keep things that are otherwise deemed to be worthless… candy wrappers, etc. That is one way to know the difference between someone being a clutter bug and a hoarder, you have to look at what it is they are actually holding onto)