Post # 1
My fiance and I never fight. No loud, screaming matches. No slamming doors. In the (almost) year and a half we’ve been together, we have probably had one fight-over the phone-he was in a p%ssy mood and it ended with me telling him to call back when he could talk to me nicely. It had nothing to do with me but it was stressful non the less. We have also had a couple moments of miscommunication that were resolved quickly. We are both very open with each other in regards to our pasts, finance,s and we are working on being more open in the bedroom.
We are both very laid back, we share the same astrological sign (if you believe in that sort of thing). I’m in my early thirties and he’ll turn 40 at the end of the year. We’ve both been there, done that in regards to relationships. We share the same political, religious, and moral views. We had no arguments about what to register for when we set up our wedding registry. We have the same life goals and we agree on the number of children we want. He gets along with my family and I get along with his. We are also in the slow process of home improvements and are pretty much in agreement in what we want to do and decorating styles.
So I guess my question is, is it healthy that we don’t fight? I keep reading in different books and articles that fighting is healthy for your relationship. But neither of us feels like we aren’t being heard or feels and discontentment with each other. Are we freaks of nature or are we still just in our so-called honeymoon phase?
Post # 3
If my relationship is any indicator … we never ever had one fight until we were a few months into planning the wedding. We’ve been dating for like, what… two years? We don’t always agree on everything, and we are complete opposites … but we never like got to a point where we would fight.
Nooowwww, it’s a different story. I think I freak out and release stress … and I know it’s wrong but I have … temper tantrums. Lol. He gets all pissed and sick of the stress … and reacts by getting mad at me and so we argue, I stomp off and slam the door, and we ignore each other.
We always make up after like … 10 minutes? Lol. We both agree that we are experiencing the biggest stress ever and that we’re learning how to deal with it.
Post # 4
I haven’t fought with my FI so I hope that’s not a bad thing. We’ve had our disagreements, but no yelling or anything like that.
Post # 5
We also don’t fight. We occassionally exchange a snippy word or two, but we try to be really mindful and work things out before they get to that point. Part of our lack of fighting is the fact that fiance is a saint (in my opinion). He never gets mad at anything. He just lives on a completely even keel!
I’ve talked to the pre-marital counselor about this and she says that our styles mesh in a way that doesn’t result in a lot of fighting. It’s not a problem in this case, but she told us to watch out in case we were suppressing anything or feeling like we’re not being open. We’re not afraid to fight if we need to and we’ve had 2 or 3 fights in our 3 year relationship.
Post # 6
I too, have never had a "fight" with my FI. We’ve had disagreements and serious conversations. There have been times when we have been upset and angry with one another but it has never degenerated into yelling or name-calling or throwing stuff around or any of the other behaviors some of my ex-boyfriends and I engaged in. Compared to past relationships, ours seems so much healthier because we are so respectful of each other, even when we’re mad. Much better this way!
Post # 7
We don’t fight either. My parents have been married 30 years, and have never had a fight. My great-grandparents were married over 50 years, and also never had a fight – I guess it’s in my genes! We have had miscommunications, disagreements and some pretty difficult times, but neither of us are yellers or screamers or door slammers. I tend to just cry! I think people say it’s healthy because what’s not healthy is bottling things up and not discussing them. Whether you work best discussing them at high volume in a dramatic way, or discussing them quietly, I don’t think it matters provided you’re doing it fairly and things are being resolved. I’m happy with my quiet, undramatic life and it sounds like you are too! Nothing to worry about in my opinion.
Post # 8
tessabella76, it just sounds as if you guys are super compatible and don’t have a lot to fight about! I think as long as you know how to solve conflicts amicably if they do arise, that’s all you need.
Post # 9
That’s great. As long as one of you isn’t holding things in for the sake of not fighting, you should be fine. My hubs and I fight all the time, but we are the type to spar, talk and makeup in about 20 mins. LOL It’s just our personalities I guess.
Post # 10
I’ve never had a big, huge fight with my fiance either. If we do fight, it’s usually me who gets mad and will walk off. Sigh. Sometimes I wish he’d get mad at me, too.
Post # 11
I think that’s great! I’ve observed many couples, and I swear everyone has their first huge fight once they hit the 3-3 1/2 year point. It’s so weird, lots of my friends, family, etc. seem to run into this, at about this point. Maybe it’s just something with the people I know, hah but I say the less fights you have, the better! 🙂
Post # 12
We feel so-called normal so I guess I was just looking for comfirmation that there are others like us. Doctorgirl, my fiance is pretty even keeled as well. He has the patience of a saint. So when he’s upset, I know something major is wrong!
Post # 13
We’ve definatley had a handful of ‘serious conversations’, but have never really fought. I’ve always thought that our ability to talk things out calmly and rationally is one of the strong points of our relationship. Like pp’s said, I think as long as no one is holding anything back for the sake of not fighting it should be normal!
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
i think it’s easy for many couples not to fight the first couple of years (like us!). once you start though, you will never go back because real life is tough!
Post # 15
My FI is pretty cool for the most part too, I’m the hot head who instigates. lol
Maybe I have a different idea of what "fighting" is lol. My FI and I fight… we’re polar opposites & we’re both stubborn. We bicker probably once every 2 weeks. But they’re all petty… I think its good for us. We have a lot of stress between our work & the 3000 miles between us doesn’t help. Especially as we get near the finish line- we’re both getting tired of the distance.
I like to say we "keep it real". I think in a long distance relationship its essential to fight or else your relationship just seems like a dream… and once you have a major fight you wouldn’t know how to deal with it!
I think its important to be open & honest with your feelings! If you don’t release your frustrations you’ll eventually reach a breaking point. Keeping feelings bottled up turns a person into a bitter, resentful person!
Post # 16
We don’t fight. We "discuss" things. Both of us keeps their composure, we discuss what we feel, and then that’s that.
No big fights here either. We’re both quite goofy in real life, when not at work and relaxed. I think we’ll be great. We’ve both weathered serious storms in life, and kept a good sense of humor after all was said and done.