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R and I both grew up very chubby kids, and became independently health conscious. We lost weight through a combination of vegetarian diets (for ethical and moral reasons), learning about nutrition, eating out only about once or twice a month, limiting processed or pre-made foods and sodium intake, and exercising. My parents are also on a much better track, because my mom's doctor ordered her to learn healthy habits after a knee surgery. 

His immediate family, though, has gotten much worse. His parents work way too many hours, don't sleep enough, and eat fast food just about every single day. They both have weight related health issues (back and knee problems) and are well over what is a little extra weight. FMIL wants to change her ways because she's a nurse and sees obese patients. FFIL doesn't see a "monetary gain" to eating right, thinks organic foods are ridiculous, etc. 

FSIL & FBIL are in the worst boat, in my opinion. FBIL is the biggest person in our family. I know he used to weight about 315 lbs, but has gained weight steadily throughout the past few years. My guess is that he's about 350-375 now, and is fairly short. FSIL was at a reasonable weight when they started dating for her body type. She was a size 16 or so, and it suited her. Now she's eating horribly right along with him, and doesn't care. She says that because she drinks minimally and doesn't smoke, she's fine. 

I know you can't tell family what to do. In fact, this weekend FSIL screamed at FMIL for expressing her concerns about the family's eating habits. 

When the conversation comes up, R and I don't point any fingers, but we stick up for our health practices. We talk about the raised energy level and mental functioning that comes with sleeping enough, eating right, and exercising. But it is actually scaring us, especially in the case of FFIL - he was not a big man in his 20s, and is having such a hard time lately. He thinks he is taking fitness into account by walking an extra mile on the treadmill - but he uses that as an excuse for ice cream or pie, and he can barely even walk on the treadmill for that long. 

I know you can't judge, and people have to learn for themselves. We wouldn't approach FSIL and FBIL at this point, they're young and stubborn. But would it ever be appropriate to talk to FFIL and FMIL? Is there a way to do this correctly? 

At what point is obesity and general health a personal matter versus something that close family has a right to bring up gently? 

Thanks everyone for your responses - Mrs. DG, those were really helpful reads! 

I knew when I wrote this post I wouldn't be able to share my concerns very clearly. It's such a difficult issue to explain, and I sometimes forget that it's hard to realize certain details if they're not given. 

So first of all, it's not the fact that they're overweight that's my main concern. I mean, I'm not perfectly fit, and I know plenty of people who are overweight but have healthy enough habits that I'm not fretting about their health. And I think that I need to clarify here that FMIL & FFIL are like parents to me. I think of them as mom and dad, their home is more my home than wherever my parents are living at the moment. They have helped me through college when my own parents have not been willing to help much. So this is not me meeting them a year ago, seeing them once in awhile, etc, and judging. 

When I said the thing about the pie or ice cream, I think I was unclear - this is how FFIL thinks he's being healthy. My concern is not with the fact that he sometimes indulges, because I think that indulgence is an occasional part of a healthy diet. What concerns me is that he separates health in his mind as many crash dieters do: both he and FMIL have a mindset of diet soda (about 8 cans a day) lots of margarine, a huuuuge serving of steak and potatoes, diet pills, etc as healthy. 

I really dispute the fact that anyone could keep up these behaviors and stay relatively thin. I know that I can't describe them all without sounding judge-y. But my main concern is that a) FMIL wants to change her ways, and thinks she is by simply skipping meals, getting diet pills, etc. Then of course she comes home from a long shift, starving, and eats whatever is around. Which is a lot, because they have residents still living at their house, and own a nursing home so there are always lots of donuts, cakes, quiches, frozen mozzarella sticks, etc around. 

and b) FFIL thinks that he is being healthy when he exercises a little, and then justifies eating twice what he normally would because he exercised. His diet consists of mostly red meat and salt, but he thinks that R and I "fall for" certain marketing because we prefer organic veggies - not that we can always afford them - and that our food and all food that is healthy is "disgusting" unless it's loaded with butter. 

I honestly could care less about the weight specifically, but let's be honest - it's a direct result of lifestyle. I'm not saying they should be a certain size or weight, I'm saying that the steady weight gain that isn't slowing down seems serious to me. Maybe I'm super sensitive to this, because FFIL has confided in me how unhappy it makes him that he has gained so much weight. And I honestly didn't know what to say, because it's such a difficult topic. I would never, ever say that they're overweight or fat... I've been there, and I know that they know it. Maybe I didn't write that out correctly the first time. But I'm unsure of how to share healthy habits when they joke that our food is "snooty" and "ridiculous." 

@OKQueenBee - thanks! I knew I wasn't spelling everything out right, it's just such a long and complicated subject, you know? 

She's a geriatric nurse, and while she loves it, she focuses more on end-of-life care. The realization actually came after she started seeing obese patients because she's on a more general floor at the hospital right now. 

Thanks for the support! This is a topic that's so hard to talk about, but so important, and it's wonderful having the WB community to bounce thoughts off of. 

@Mrs. DG - I think you're right. R has expressed a lot of concern over this as well, so I think at some point we'll try to talk out really casual ways to respond respectfully but helpfully next time it comes up. 

@Hilsy - that sounds dead on! As for them being embarrassed, I really don't think they would be. I basically lived at their house throughout my senior year of high school, and it's taken for granted that I'm part of the family. We're way closer than I am to my parents, and they're very open. 

@Arachna - thank you for the suggestions! I'm all for healthier recipes. They rarely cook, but I'm hoping if I cook them some healthy meals once in awhile it will help. When we visit for longer periods of time, they start eating healthier because we tend to make dinners. 

Unfortunately, we live far enough away that we can't really bring food over often. We see them every other weekend for a couple of days.