- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
I’ve been lurking these boards for awhile now; I wish my first post was a happier one, but I need advice and you all seem to be wonderful giving it. Sorry if this is long..
My SO and I have been dating for a year and 8 months and we’ve been living together for a year. We dated about 6 or 7 years ago for a few months but it didn’t work out-he had just gotten back from Iraq (he’s a disable Navy vet) and had serious PTSD. It was an amicable break-up, we kept in touch through email over the years but after awhile I stopped hearing from him. I sent him an email to check in and say hi and he suggested we meet up-I agreed. He came over and long story short-he had gotten married but was unhappy, his (now ex) wife had lied to him from day one; about her debt, finances ect.. She even had stopped taking her birth control without his knowledge in attempts to get pregnant. Please dont bash me bees-I need advice and you need to know this to understand the whole issue– Anyway, I tried to keep my distance while he got the ball rolling to file for divorce, but one thing lead to another and well, you know
He got divorced and everything was great. We were happy and in love. I never had trust issues-until now. Lately he seems to be secretive about everything. Early on, if I asked to look at his phone, he would let me. Once a few months ago we were in a restaurant and I asked to look at his phone because mine didnt have service, and before he gave it to me, he deleted some texts. I asked him what it was and why he deleted them, he said that he had texted his friend for suggestions about somewhere to take me for a weekend getaway-mind you, we didnt go anywhere. A few weeks ago I asked again and he sat next to me while I looked. I got a bit irked so a little while later, I playfully took his phone-and he chased me, literally, into the bathroom. When I called him out on it, he says he never gave me reason not to trust him (that was reason enough for me) and that he has nothing to hide but feels he’s entitled to privacy and shouldn’t feel like he’s living under a microscope. I’ve also noticed his phone is always on vibrate now. He also added a password to his computer AND he set his security settings on FB that he gets an email when he’s account is logged in from an unknown device.
Since then, our relationship has been rocky and we’ve been fighting alot. I’m always wondering what he’s doing- I’ll admit, he is home most of the time during the day but he’s been going to his “moms” alot more than usual and coming home later than usual. And I dont want to call his mom and ask and look like a psycho girlfriend. My stomach turns everytime he looks at his phone. It’s making me crazy.
He’s also been having work issues (he owns a construction company). Business got bad and he stopped earning a paycheck. He’s been living off of his savings and Navy pension for the past 7 months. So he’s home all day and I don’t know what he’s up to. I’ve been asking him to go on a vacation and he says no because of finances. I asked him how much he has in his savings. Well, the other day, I got the mail and his bank statement was there. I (wrongfully) opened it and come to find out he lied about the amount of money he has AND about the amount of money he gets from his pension.
I dont know what to do, there’s a part of me that thinks I’m going crazy for no reason, but the way he’s been acting makes me feel otherwise. I’ve been crying myself to sleep over this, it’s been making me sick to my stomach.
So bees, what do you think? Is once a cheater always a cheater?
Thanks for reading and for any advice.