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I think if you guys want an afterparty, you should have an afterparty. You can't please everyone! Might as well please your FI instead of a bunch of judgemental relatives.
I understand the religious no dancing/drinking.. some of my family is that way.. and I am having an evening reception with dancing/drinking. If they are offended they can leave, or in your case, not come!
it seems your mom is fine with it so why not stick with the plan? i think it's very reasonable and thoughtful of you to offer that alternative. it's a great balance. i say if they gossip, so what. your mom's on your side so if anyone says anything, she can take the lead on that. considering that your immediate family is pretty lax as is, your mom is probably already well-versed in how to best handle the judgey-mcjudgers. :-)
familes are judgmental and gossipy anyway so i say go ahead and just dont discuss the details of the drinking/dancing party with those that are offended by it
enjoy - its a day to celebrate!
I agree with eloping. What you have planned sounds perfectly reasonable, and lots of fun. I say go for it.
we are also planning a simple brunch/coctail reception earlier in the day then heading home to have our after party ..my mom will probably have a full speech to talk me out fo it but my response will be "my wedding, my plans"
The one thing I've learned from planning this wedding: stop getting opinions from the peanut gallery. I always cared what people thought and I realize that I really cannot please everyone or even come close and I am now okay with that.
"Living your values" is an awesome thing. Live you and your FI's values and not everyone elses.
"To each his own" as far as your extended family is concerned. Your plan sounds great! It's your first step towards carving your independence and living the life you and your FI will create.
Good luck!
It's your fiance's day too so if he wants the dancing, etc then have it. Both of you should be happy and not regret anything on your wedding day, while also taking your guests' comfort into consideration. If your relatives are so upset that the afterparty offends them, they don't have to attend. It's not part of the actual reception so it seems strange to be that upset by it. But if that's how they choose to act, that's on them. You and your fiance are doing your best to accomodate everyone and make them feel as welcome as possible, but it seems that some people are overreacting just a bit (to say the least) so you are not in the wrong. They have no business forcing their beliefs on you and punishing you for it because you won't go along. No matter what you do, someone will be offended, even if it isn't anything to be offended about, but you can't bend over backwards to please every single person without sacrificing your own happiness, and you'll go crazy and have your own regrets if you try.
Go ahead and do it. Seriously. I think it will be something you regret not doing if you don't, and something FI will be sad about and lets face it... sometimes the things that FIs care about might be the ONLY input they have in the wedding. Have fun, be merry, and rock the dance floor with people who love you and support you!
Do it. You want it, your FI wants it, you can't just avoid doing things in life b/c you are afraid your very conservative families will frown upon it. There will be a lot of things they will frown upon in your life. They just have to realize (you too) that their feelings about it doesn't get to dictate how you two live your lives in your OWN good conscience. Have fun! Shoot, they should be grateful you are appeasing them by already having a dry/no dancing wedding and brunch, cuz if i were you, I'd have the full out shebang and tell them to get over it =]. So i think you're already being awesome!
Thanks for the support hive! We are going to go ahead and do it. The thing I just hate thinking about is people talking about my wedding not for the joyful day it was or how beautiful everything was, but this one thing that they don't think is right. I just don't want it to overshadow all the other wonderful things we have planned. I'm starting to really relate to the brides on here who have unsupportive families :(
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So long story sort of short: I come from a very conservative family in which everyone belongs to a very fundamentalist sect of Christianity. This denomination doesn't believe in drinking alcohol or dancing, among other things. I, myself, do not adhere to this religion, and my parents are religious but much more lax than my extended family. FI's family is pretty nonreligious.
We decided to have a morning wedding and brunch reception in part because I love the idea of brunch, and having time to take pictures after the wedding so we don't need to do a first look, but also because that way we could have an "after party". I really didn't want to have an evening reception with no drinking or dancing. Even though we could do it that way and it would be nice and we will still be married no matter what, it just seemed boring, especially for FI and his family.
So our brunch reception will be from 11am-2pm and our after party will be from 7:30pm-11(ish)pm. It's not really a reception, its just a gathering for people to celebrate "adultly". We purposely are having this celebration separate so my religious family members can in good conscience attend our entire reception earlier in the day.
However, this seems to still be ruffling feathers. My mom "broke the news" about our after party to some family members, including my grandparents, and they were all offended that we will be condoning drinking -- the dancing was a lesser issue. Now I'm feeling like it was a bad idea altogether and we should just scrap it, because my family can be judgmental and gossipy, and the last thing I want is for them to spend my wedding talking about this sinful party we have planned.
I would seriously scrap it and tell them, "You're right, its a bad idea," and just have my awesome brunch reception, except that FI is REALLY looking forward to this. My mom said she thinks it would be unfair to take the one thing that he really wants away from him -- and this is HER family that is acting this way, so if anyone would want to call the after party off, it would be her.
What do you think? Should I just try to not care what they think, and if they gossip, so what? Or is an after party not really worth all the judgment?