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Your English is fine, don't worry about it! Honestly, I think it's time to move on. If you are now finding out that they went on vacation after telling you they'd be there, you should have every right to be upset. It would be one thing if something had come up for one or two of your friends, but not one of them even showed up. That's awful. I'm sorry to say, these people are not your friends. Friends don't do this to one another.
I agree with Melissa. It hurts, but now you know they weren't friends, because you deserve so much better!
I'm so sorry. It is terrible that they haven't even triedto contact you. And that they dsappear from usual forms of communication... It kind of sounds like they knew what they did would be bad and don't want to face the music.
I don't know why they would be so mean. Can you think of something you did to make them angry or aggravated? Could they be jealous? (Maybe they're all single? ugly? broke?) Although if they were upset, at least they could tell you upfront and say they wouldn't be coming.
I think to lie to you, not show up, and give no explanation for it before or after, says a lot. I'm sorry, but it sounds like they were trying to ruin your day. I don't know if it's worth it to contact them or not. I guess if it will make you feel better, or get closure or something. You can tell them off, and see how they like it. But it might not impact them too much.
I know often times girls in a group often find one person to single out and dislike. I don't know if this is going on here, or why. Ugg. Sometimes girls are terrible at friendships. So sorry.
Man, the more I read about situations like this (and I had a friend falling out too) the more I think that weddings just bring out such weirdness in girlfriends. It almost seems to be a test of the friendship and reveals people's true feelings about things on both sides.
These girls sound like they are just flat out inconsiderate. You deserve much, much better. It is totally normal for you to feel devestated and angry by this and in time, that will pass. Give yourself time. But also give yourself some space and allow some new friendships to bloom. You don't need to have friends in your life who tell you on FREAKING G-CHAT that they were too busy for your wedding and then it turns out they lied anyway. How lame.
I'm sorry you're going through this but your husband is right, if they appreciated you and knew how to be good friends, they would call. You didn't do anything wrong here, so don't beat yourself up about it. Just sit with your feelings and treat this as a time to consider what it means to be a good friend and what kind of friend you want to be to others. Then really limit your effort in reaching out to these women, and consider putting that effort towards something more meaningful and fruitful (like other friendships, your marriage, your family, etc)
Thanks for your honesty and advice girls... i guess it's hard for me to truly understand that this people i thought were my best friends, they didn't even care to make a call and say congratulations or something. I've always treated this girls and boy (i should have cleared that from the beginning...) like my own siblings... and this indifference really hurts.
i really can't think why they could be mad at me. Traveling to attend the wedding was really cheap, like only $80 (transportation and hotel, my parents covered every meal for our guests, everyday they stayed..) and thank God we all have good and stable jobs. Jealousy? i d/k. they're all single, have had some bad relationships, but they're young, it's not like their clock's ticking or something...actually, getting married was a long term plan for all of us, until i fell in love with my husband, we dated for two years and got engaged. maybe my change of plans upset them? well, that's just silly, they should have been happy for me, like i would do... and they seemed to be happy, they congratulated us, they went 'wedding shopping' with me!
So, i'm mad and sad, but you all said it: i should, i must move on. And if they call, great. If not, well, at least i'm pretty sure it was not my fault.
Thanks girls for listening and giving me some great advice... i truly appreciate it :)
I am so sorry this happened to you..lots of hugs!
I am not sure why they did that, but it's rather rude and inconsiderate of them.
Did they send a gift?
Oh well that doesn't really matter..them being a good friend is what matters. Hopefully in time they will approach you and apologize or make up for this. I am sorry this has hurt you.
Congratulations on your marriage and we are so glad you're here! Wish you both a life of love and happiness.
I'm so very sorry. I agree that weddings really bring about weirdness in some people...but I've also found that they bring kindness from others that you might not expect. Did you find that with any other friends? I was just talking to my wax aesthetician who got married a month ago. She told me she really found out who her friends were. Her BFF was totally MIA, but another friend just flew out early and totally helped her out out of the blue. I hope that you also have some lovely memories like that. Maybe it would help to share them?
As for these friends, I've been dealing with similar hurt from my MOH. What I'm realizing, though, is that when I think about it, her behavior is nothing new. She's been fairly self-centered for several years...I just didn't need much from her before. The fact that your friend could even think that it's okay to say she skipped you wedding b/c of a "bad week" is pretty telling (nevermind the fact that she was actually lying about it). The fact that she thinks "bad week" is a legitimate excuse means that she thinks the world revolves around her and is unable to step outside herself to see what she can do to help/hurt another. Maybe she's still fun to hang out with, but I think you've learned how reliable she is.
I agree it doesn't sound like they deserve your tears. But I know that's easier said than done...my FI and pretty much everyone tell me to forget about what's going on with my MOH, but I can't. So I will say instead, maybe the way to think of this is somewhat as a mourning for the loss of these friendships. Maybe they will still be a part of your life, but you've just discovered your friendships and their personalities aren't what you thought they were. That is a difficult loss to experience. I'm so sorry you have to go through it.
And congratulations on your marriage! You husband(!) sounds so wonderfully supportive!
First of all, congrats on the wedding! I'm very sorry you had this hurt to deal with not only on your wedding day but also thereafter since they are avoiding you. Honestly, if I was in your position, I would also just move on with things. If they contact you, great, but I wouldn't make any extended efforts to contact someone who let you believe they would be there to help you celebrate the great day and then boom, nothing!
Although I'm not in the same exact situation since I'm not married yet, I already know the girls I thought were my friends back home are not. Looking back over the past several years I realize they contact me only when they want something, but if I need to talk or I'm excited about some news (engagement, etc) then they could give a rats butt!
So, you just need to make a decision, move on and try not to dwell on the people who were rude or you keep letting these people upset you (like your husband says) who aren't worth crying over. Good luck! ::hugs::
Wow. That is REALLY awful of them. I'm sorry, but it is. They all assured you they would be there, and then they don't even explain to you why they weren't there?
On the one hand, I get why they wouldn't contact you -- they're probably very ashamed (as they should be!). But on the other, they owe you an explanation!
*HUGS* I'm sorry you had to be so hurt by those you called your friends. I do wish you the very best with your new husband, though. =)
First off - *hugs* for having to deal with this. It isn't very kind of them at all and you have every right to be upset. It sounds like your husband is on the right track with this and I'm glad you've got him there to support you! It hurts when the people you care about aren't there for you, but I agree you can't dwell on it and let it ruin you mood. If you find you can't let it go, perhaps you could send a nicely worded message to the friends in question who haven't contacted you at all? Something like "I didn't see you at my wedding and I was sad that I couldn't share my special day with you. It would have meant a lot to see you there, but I hope all is well and that we can talk soon... etc etc" to give them an opportunity to explain themselves. If they don't respond, then sadly I don't think they are worth the time and effort!
Good luck!
thank you girls! i've been feeling so much better now (my amazing husband has been really supportive and wise about whatever he advices me about this situation, and i couldn't have asked for a better partner to share my life!) and reading all your comments has really helped me a lot! i'm glad to find such a supportive girls in the hive :) (hubby says it too
)
i agree with you jennyphyr, i think they're ashamed and that's why they dissapeared from gchat or fb. But i also think they owe me an explanation... JeanL1984, i was tempted to do what you said, but what if they don't aswer me this time either? i will not stand silence/lies again, so i'm just leaving things the way they are.
Fizicsgirl and curlysue, i'm so sorry you're dealing with a similar situation :( i hope you will find a way to resolve it, and please, don't let this affect your wedding day. Truthfully, i did thought of my 'friends' the day of, but i focused on the people who did come and were happy for us!
belle, they didn't send us a gift! the nerve of this people! (btw, i'm j/k
)
Again, thanks girls for listening!
You have a great support group here.
I'm sorry you have to go through all this, especially at a point in your life where you are now. Perhaps these girls don't reailze that yet and don't know how important of a role it is. How much you are hurting now is probably how much it will probably hurt them too when it's their turn to walk down the aisle. They'll think back and realize how badly they hurt and lots a friend like you.
It seems like you're moving forward from it all and we're all really happy for you. Keep doing what makes you smile and congrats on your wedding!
Mexicangirl, I'm so sorry for this! There isn't any excuse for them not showing up. They could have at least let you know that times were tough for them at the moment, and they just couldn't make it. I agree with the other posters in that they were most likely ashamed that they couldn't make it (except for the friend who went to an island and lied to you). I'm sorry you had to go through this...I wish you and your husband the best!
I am so sorry to hear what happened to you! :( I saw your updates and I'm glad you're feeling a little better.
Honestly, these girls don't sound like real friends. What they did is absolutely unacceptable, even for people who aren't friends! To RSVP to a wedding and not show up??
Your husband sounds like a wonderful man and I am so glad he is there to comfort you through this stressful situation. I wish you two a happy life and hope that these girls get what's coming to them!
@Mexican girl- What your friends did was pretty horrible. I'm glad that you are feeling a little better now.
I was just wondering, do you think the swine flu outbreak during your wedding contributed at all to their absence? I know that gatherings like weddings were kind of forbidden at that time, and I'm wondering if they got lazy because of that?
Regardless, they should have contacted you to find out more about the plan... so that in no way excuses their actions, but I just got to thinking about that aspect.
doctorgirl: at first i thought that was the reason. But why they haven't called yet? to this day, the only excuse i have is from that 'friend' who went to an island, who told me she had a terrible weekend at work, but nothing about H1N1 was said.
I would perfectly understood if they didn't show up because of the flu, and even a few guests who went to the wedding didn't hug (hugged?) us or touched us, and I completely understood. Mexico were right in the middle of H1N1 virus' infection and it was pretty logic to act like that. Fortunately, none of our guests came out infected from that day and until today they're all healthy, though I know it was a little bit irresponsable to have such a large gathering despite our government's restrictions... bad bride ![]()
pinkparfait: you know? you got me thinking what would i do when their time come (to get married). Honestly, i d/k what would i do. My hubby will probably said: 'no, we're not going', not as a revenge, but based on how much it hurt me they didn't show up to our wedding. And i know that's right, but i have a cotton candy heart (you know, the puffy ones that melt in your mouth, i think that's their english name) and i know that i will go.
mlkeysock and moderndaisy: thanks for your honesty and support. and i will pass the compliments to the hubby!
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I got really, really sad while reading Miss Cloud's post about her BM backing out, because i remembered that none of whom i thought were my best friends from college showed up to our wedding two months ago.
Our wedding was a kinda DW, in my hometown 9 hours away from where we live. We hand-delivered each invitation, so they knew our wedding date and they can't blame postal service. Since we left college, we constantly hung out, talked by phone, went to lunch together and one of them even went with me to pick up my wedding dress. They knew how important was for me that they could make it to the wedding. My friends assured me they will, i blocked hotel rooms... but on the wedding day none of them showed up, they didn't even called me or send me a txt msg.
We went to our honeymoon, got back to work and 15 days after the wedding, on gchat, one of them finally talked to me and said she 'had a terrible weekend at work'. On gchat, for God's sake! I was mad and only answered her 'OK, don't worry'. But sadly, I found out later via Facebook that she went on a trip to an island with her roommate among other people, on my wedding day.
My 2 other friends haven't even called me, send me an email, nothing! basically they just dissapeared from gchat, fb, msn messenger. One of this friends was my 'madrina' of cake, that was her wedding gift for us in advance, and we thanked her for her generosity, but i haven't heard from her in two months.
Most days i try not to think of what happened, but when i do, i just can't help crying because it hurts so much, because i truly love them, they were my bff, my partners in crime on college, and i can't help but feel that i lost this friends and doesn't even know why.
If they had financial problems, why they didn't tell us? why one of them basically lied to me? why they haven't called us to explain what happened? my hubby told me once he saw me crying for this that 'they don't deserve my tears, that those aren't real friends and i should forgot what happened, because if they really appreciate me, someday they'll call'.
what should i do? i d/k if i should keep waiting or make the first move...
p.d. please, forgive me if i'm not clear, my english is simply not so good.