Is physical attraction important?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@shallowbee:  Don’t feel bad.


This is my husband.



This is my husband without hair (Thank you Army (not!)).



I just told him how I felt about it. And he’s honest with me about my looks too!


Post # 4
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Sea Ranch Lodge

@aliavenue:  Definitely cuter with hair, but he doesn’t look bad without hair either 😉

@shallowbee:  You aren’t shallow – physical attraction is absoloutely part of chemistry. Anyone who denies this is lying to themselves! 

Post # 5
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Yes physical attraction is important.  Hair to me, is not that important because it grows back.  If anything, I’d be unattracted to my husband if he became really obese.

There are certain hairstyles that work better with certain faces so maybe your boo just doesn’t look good with short hair.  Luckily, it’s just hair and it will grow back.  Turning down sex because of his haircut seems a bit extreme though.  He probably already knows he looks stupid with his patchy hair cut.  No need to pour salt in the wound by telling him you aren’t attracted to him at his current state.  You’ll just have to get over it until it grows back.  Or just do it in the dark for a few months 😉




Post # 6
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

please don’t feel bad!  you’re not shallow at all.  physical attraction is very important.  maybe it’ll take you some time to get used to him with shorter hair, then you’ll be crazy about him all over again!

Post # 7
6 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

There is always a little shock once your guy gets a haircut, but then you get used to it. When you look at him think about all of the things he does for you, or things he says to you that you adore. If you guys are getting married, he is going to change in appearance throughout his whole life and so are you. Before you are married, being physical is usually based on feelings and the “spark”, but when you are married intimacy is meant to be much deeper and more about a connection than a passing feeling or “feeling good”. I would think hard about who he is and what you plan to bring to the relationship.

Post # 8
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

there are good haircuts for everyone. Short hair didn’t work for me and probably it was a bad hair cut! good thing is that it grows out quickly. You can gently nudge him towards the haircuts you like!

Post # 9
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

When I was in grade 10 I almost dumped my boyfriend because he had long hair and cut it off like a week into our relationship. I HATED how he looked without it. I felt like he was a different person. We are long since broken up, and I should’ve dumped him then and saved myself the time of being in that bad relationship, but I have never admitted this to anyone! Although a fiance is different than a high school boyfriend, I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone lol.

Post # 10
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Since it’s such a difference and shock, that it’s seeming like a bigger deal than it really is!  I bet you get used to it.  I wonder also if the woman who cut his hair just did a poor job. It’s possible that if he had it “fixed” he may look better to you.  A bad haircut can ruin people.  


Post # 11
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um, yeah, having a big change in hair length can be a bit shocking. DH has had long hair, and very short hair. I really did not like his hair when we first met, and I don’t like when it’s crazy short. 

However, he’s still your FI. You’re going to marry him, so I think you owe it to him to try harder to adjust. IMHO, withholding sex because you don’t like his hair is really unfair. What are you going to do when his hair recedes or falls out? Because the odds of his hair never receding or thinning is very slim. 

Post # 12
10902 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I totally understand why this issue is important to you and also why you feel shallow over and guilty about the fact that this even matters to you.

When I was in college I dated a guy who kept his hair a bit longer, and, when he got a radically different haircut, I absolutely hated it. I stopped being attracted to him, too, and I also felt very shallow about it.

However, this is one of those times when you literally just have to force yourself to look beyond his haircut to the fact that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him.  It will grow back, and you can encourage him to not get that particular style of cut again in the future.

My DH has very thick, wavy, dark hair that, if he did not keep cut properly or use gel in his hair, tends to stick straight out like a porcupine, lol. Thankfully, he usually gets great haircuts and does wear product in his hair, and I think his hair is absoultely GORGEOUS!

However, there are times when he’ll take a shower right before bed and he won’t bother putting gel in his hair. He looks totally different to me, but I just remind myself of what he usually looks like the rest of the time. 🙂

Post # 13
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

for us, my FI has a condition of his ’employment’ with me.  He must keep his facial hair!  He looks so handsome with it, and like a 12 yr old without it.  

Now, by no means would I leave him if he shaved but I FAR prefer him bearded.

Post # 14
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@shallowbee:  “I know it’s not and shouldn’t be a priority, but is physical attraction important?”

Physical attraction is extremely important.  I think it IS a priority.  That said, can’t you close your eyes when you kiss him?  I don’t understand how it could be so bad that you are literally incapable of being intimate with him.  As you said, it’s only hair and it will grow back.  It doesn’t sound like he likes it either or is planning on keeping it short.  This is a temporary problem.  Don’t overreact.

Post # 15
519 posts
Busy bee

Understandable, completely!  I prefer my FI with a beard, and I told him so.  I would not say to him I am UN-attracted to him without it, but I have been very encouraging of him having his beard.  He shaved it once while we’ve been together and I just told him that he is soooo hot with a beard.  So he keeps it that way.  Now – I did ask him if the beard bothers him or if there’s a reason why he wanted to get rid of it and he just said, that it gets a little hot in the summer.  So instead of shaving it, he just trims it really close.  If he was uncomfortable having it, then I would just suck it up.  lol


I would just tell your guy your preference of the long hair, maybe he agrees and then he can grow it back!

Post # 16
92 posts
Worker bee

Did you tell him?  


The good thing is…… it’s just hair.  It will grow back.  


But you should be honest with him so he doesn’t cut it that short again!  (If he is not sensitive about that kind of thing, that is.  My SO and I are very open and we share that kind of stuff with eachother.) 


I think you’ll get a little more used to it, it’s probably a big shock more than anything else right now.  


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