Post # 1
So my fiance and I have been engaged for two weeks! The first few days I was on cloud 9. Now, I am still happy…but the planning has ensued. Both he and I want a destination wedding…just the two of us. We both have large families, which means big wedding, big money. We both do not want a big wedding and we don’t have big money!
He has no problem telling his parents (mom in particular) that we want to get married on a beach and me…well I am very worried about what my mom will think and how she will feel. It’s not that he doesn’t care, he is just better at dealing with all that than I am.
So in light of being worried, I thought maybe we should have a small ceremony here in our home state with just immediate fam (parents, gparents and siblings). He is “cool” with that but his heart isn’t in it. Frankly mine isn’t either. We just want to jet off to a romantic location, get married, have our honeymoon and come back and do a big reception. He said we could get the wedding professionally videotaped and play it at our reception. Sounds easy enough…but I still worry that my mom, sis, and gma in particular will be very hurt and upset they didn’t see it “in person.” And my sis (my only sibling) has all these dreams of being a MOH and throwing me this grand bridal shower.
Sigh…it’s all very sweet and wonderful. I do want the shower and reception (and gifts/money), but I just want our wedding ceremony to just be us on this beautiful, romantic get away, then come back and share with fam and friends….is that so wrong?
What do you guys think??
Post # 3
What if you we’re to do a wedding just to two of you and then a home reception?
Post # 4
We are having a DW and I am still kinda freaked out about all the crazyness going on. In the end, its about what yall want and how you picture your day.
I am all for getting married barefoot on the beach! I may be partial though 😀
Post # 5
@Mrs.Vowrenewal: Yes, that is what we have been discussing. I am just a bit worried about my family’s reaction. I am working on getting passed it and having the courage to just stand flat-footed and say “this is what we are doing.” And not being swayed by the reactions that will come with it. It’s only my immediate fam’s reaction that I am concerned about…everyone else – not so much.
Anyone have any advice on how to get through it?
Post # 6
You can do a private ceremony and home recepion, just dont expect as much excitement or large of gifts.
You should do what you want, but, personally, I dont think you can have the best of both worlds. An after the fact reception will be fun, but slightly less exciting for the guests since you are already married. (shower etc)
If people are not invited to the ceremony, you should not invite them to a shower etc.
EDIT- in my family I would have no problem with their choice of ceremony or reception, as long as I can be there. If I am one of 15, fine, but to not be there I would be sad.
Post # 7
I’ve always wanted a DW but circumstances prevented this from happening. Will it be possible to include @ least 10ppl? My sis bf got married in Hawaii on a clift w/ 10ppl. A co-worker got married w/ 40ppl on a beach in Hawaii.
Check out bestweddingdestination.com to get some ideas and possibly plan a DW w/ a small group w/ family. Then you can have a reception when you return.
Post # 8
@lefeymw: I agree 100%. I don’t think you are at all wrong for wanting to elope, that is completely up to you. BUT it is unreasonable for people to treat it as they would any other wedding reception when none of them were invited to the ceremony. You give up some of the typical wedding aspects like the shower and more traditional parts of a reception when you choose to have a ceremony that is just the two of you.
Post # 9
I am in your exact position. We were engaged in January, and started planning a wedding and my heart wasn’t in it and I wasn’t excited. FI and I always joked around about eloping before we were engaged, but then we actually started looking into it. That’s when we both got so excited about getting married! I am from a really beachy touristy area so getting married on a beach just seemed old to us, so we are eloping in the southern alps in new zealand in July- this winter.
We have told our family and some of our friend and they are all so excited for us, and think it just ‘fits’ us as a couple. Of course our families are a little disappointed but they just want us to be happy. We have spoken about doing a reception kind of thing afterwards, but for us that defeated the purpose of eloping. So I don’t think we will do anything. But we are having a photographer for the day so they will see every moment of it.
Just do what makes YOU happy! or ten years down the track you will wish you did it differently.
Post # 10
@Wonderstruck: & @lefeymw: Have either one you ever been in a situation like this, for example had a friend or family member do a destination wedding with a small or no party? I know many who have and have been a part of a few, and I am sorry, NO ONE sacrificed anything. It does not matter how you get married or who is there or not, everyone is entitled to have a shower, reception and their freinds and family excited for them whether you are present or not. How is it unreasonable?
Post # 11
@MissGreen: yeah, I have. They had a small reception, but it wasn’t all-out. And no, they didn’t have a shower, because it’s bad etiquette to invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding ceremony. I know people here like to make others out to be evil for daring to state proper etiquette, but it seems like something that should be mentioned. But yes, of course I’d be excited for my friend and family no matter what!
Post # 12
@Wonderstruck: Understandable, however sometimes eitquette and being proper needs to be tossed. As a friend, we threw a shower for someone who had a DW and had no ill feelings doing so. We were happy and supportive for her. Every situation is different, but by no means should some feel bad choosing the way they get married or the fact that someone is throwing them a shower.
Post # 13
Honestly, at the end of the day you should do what makes you happy.
My older sister and her husband opted to go to Vegas to get married- it was them, my niece, and 2 couples they’re friends with who were their attendants. They had it taped, and it really was a beautiful ceremony.
They chose to do this because his parents were recently divorced, and always made a scene when they were around each other…. they didn’t want the drama.
They had a home reception, and no, they didn’t have as big of presents and stuff that they might have, but they also didn’t spend nearly as much money as they would have if they had a standard wedding.
As much as it stinks, you just have to ask yourself what you truly want. If that’s you and FI alone on a beach, then you’re just going to have to deal with the hurt feelings.
Post # 14
@MissGreen: Yeah, I will say it definitely depends on your group of friends and family. Some would be offended to be invited to a shower and not the ceremony, I know that’s the case in my area, but I’m sure there are people out there with friends/family who would be the opposite.
Post # 15
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with eloping. Your wedding day should be what YOU want it to be! :o)
Post # 16
Yes it is wrong!
Sorry, but if my sister just ran off to be married it would hurt me greatly. But it would depend on how she did it. If she told me beforehand and really explained that this was what she wanted, and why, then I would still be disapointed, but not hurt. PLEASE do tell people before you “run off”.
You can have a lovely small ceromony on the beach and still include your mum etc.
I don’t particiulally understand your reasoning for running away though “We both have large families, which means big wedding, big money. We both do not want a big wedding and we don’t have big money!