Is she a friend?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2059 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Carolekins:  i would say maaaaybe jealousy – but more that she is just miserable in her own marriage. having said that – its NOT a good friend to bring you down just because she isnt enjoying her life!!!! that would be like saying bad things to a friend who got a promotion just because you dont like your own job.

a true friend would be happy for you and not make any nasty comments – ESPECIALLY on your wedding day  – the happiest day of your life!!!!

she sounds a bit bitter and nasty and id start avoiding her if possible 🙁

Post # 4
Member
2059 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

ps congrats on your wedding !! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I certainly hope you don’t project some of the negative things you say about both of them here – i.e., her husband’s appearance. I suspect you just included that here to make a point, but I figure I need to cover all of my bases in addressing your question. If she feels she’s being looked down on, you’re going to trigger self-defense and jealousy.

I’ve been there, done that with the jealous friend at a wedding. I remember being so hurt when I received my wedding video and saw my ‘best’ friend (we had something of a falling out shortly before the wedding) openly blabbing throughout the ceremony, then bursting into laughter and covering his face when our officiant made a mistake. Jealousy’s an ugly color, baby, and ain’t nobody got time to watch someone wear it.

I’d distance myself from this buddy. People like this are just going to bring you down. It’s one thing to be cheesed off about what time to get somewhere – it’s another to bring it up ON the bride’s wedding day. Or right after she got married. It’s passive-aggressive and hurtful and serves no purpose. What are you supposed to do, go back in time and rectify it?

She and her husband sound like they both have problems. Honestly, I’d probably end the friendship. Mostly because I’ve been in boats like this before and no matter how many times you pander to the person’s ego or try to boost them up, they have to boost themselves up. Or at the very least, they have to learn how to handle jealousy like adults and not wrestle down the egos of everyone else around them. Again, it can’t be your responsibility to do that.

Going off the radar is probably the best way to send the message loud and clear: you aren’t a good friend. Have a good life and good-bye.

Post # 7
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Carolekins:  honestly, i wouldn’t bother with her anymore. 

negativity can be toxic and you don’t want that in your life.  she’s just trying to taint your happiness.  misery loves company.

Post # 9
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This person does not sound like a friend. No one attacks a bride immediately after her wedding and accuses her of having “a senior moment!” Definitely not a “friend” move.

Congrats on your marriage – I would suggest you start your new life witha new set of friends, without this one.

Post # 11
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She’s mean! You definatley don’t need friends like her!

Post # 12
doilyMember
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I would never dream of treating a friend like that on their wedding day!! I’m so sorry that she was a dark cloud on what should have been a completely happy and blissful day. It’s clear that she has some kind of issue with you, whether she is jealous or just unhappy, she NEVER should have acted like that. I think you handled it wonderfully and that you should look at whether or not the relationship is beneficial to you in any way. If not, then you should end it. You shouldn’t have to worry about her or her husband making stupid snarky remarks to you.

Post # 13
Member
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Surround yourself with people who are positive, and you will find you’re much happier.  If you are around negative people, you will tend to project negativity, which in turn will draw more negativity to you.  If you are around positive people, you’ll tend to project positivity, which again will draw more positivty to you. 

We make choices every day about what we are going to let into our lives, and that affects everything.

If you have to question whether this woman is a friend, then you already know the answer in your heart. With true friends, you never have to ask that question. 

Post # 15
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Carolekins: Um yeah… sounds like she’s just a negative person to be around.  Whatever her motivation, you don’t need that crap.

Post # 16
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

Okay, just puttoing it out there, but on your initations, what time did you list and what time did your ceremony start? Because you’re making it sound like there was a distinct time difference. Also, for “a good friend” you are SUPER judgey and full of put downs. Just saying. You’re pulling in things like making rude comments about her husband’s appearance, and actually seem to be elated by her financial misfortune.

 

I can’t help but get the vibe from you’re posts that you’re the nasty friend here.

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